


No More Secrets

by mxniatrax



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex's Sister - Freeform, Backstory, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Caught, Christian Character, Closeted, Coming Out, Drunken Kissing, Homophobia, Kissing, Luke is too precious, M/M, Panic Attacks, Party, Past Relationship(s), Secret Relationship, Self-Hatred, Sex, Sick Character, Smut, Sneaking Around, Underage Drinking, bi reggie, first I love you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 66,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27443155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxniatrax/pseuds/mxniatrax
Summary: When Julie finds something in the garage that makes her believe that Alex and Luke dated when they were alive, she confronts them about it and they tell their story to her.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 110
Kudos: 341





	1. Prologue

~2020~

Julie opened the doors to an empty garage. She figured the guys were out with Willie. She sighed sitting down, it had been a while since she had peacefully been able to sit and think there. She leaned back stretching looking at the overhead loft above the couch she was sitting on. Abruptly, she stood up walking over to the ladder leading to where her mother never allowed her. There were boxes and trash bags full of stuff. She plopped down and took a minute to look around at the space she had never been before.

She pulled an overflowing box to where she was sitting. She opened the flaps revealing toys her and Carlos must have used when they were babies. She smiled to herself before sliding the box back to it's original spot. She grabbed a trash bag to her left and started untying the bow that kept it shut. She pulled open the strings that strangled the plastic of the trash bag. She inhaled sharply seeing yet another Sunset Curve tee shirt. She pulled it out slowly observing it. Looking down, her eyes noticed a small bundle of polaroids that were wrapped in a rubber band, facing down. She rolled her eyes smiling just thinking of seeing her mom again.

She gingerly picked up the thickly stacked pictures and turned them over. She slowly flipped through them smiling more and more with each picture she saw, until she stumbled upon a blurry picture of what looked like Alex and Luke hugging each other, with Luke's lips pressed to the other boy's. She was puzzled. How could that possibly be Luke and Alex? She knew this was their studio, but how could it get entangled with her mom's photos. And the most confusing thought that flooded her mind, had they dated? No, that's impossible. Luke liked girls, he told her himself. As for Alex, he had told her that he had never had his first kiss. Why would they lie?

She set the polaroid beside her and wrapped the other ones up just like before. She placed them back into the bag and pulled the strings closing it. She tucked the picture into her pocket and climbed back down the ladder to the main part of the garage once more.

She remembered when her Papa had walked in on her talking to the boys. And how Alex reached for Luke. She didn't think anything of it at the time, but now she can't get the thought of them lying because they thought she wouldn't accept them out of her head. Of course she would accept them.

She walked fast trying to get back to the house when the three boys poofed infront of her.

"Ah!" she jolted. "I'm never going to get used to that." she passed through them in a rush.

"Hey where are you going?" Luke called out making her turn around.

"No where, just need to think is all." she awkwardly smiled before continuing.

Luke reached for her hand spinning her around, "Did we do something?" he asked looking into her eyes.

"No," she pulled her hand out of his grasp, "just leave me alone."

"Come on Julie please," she stopped in her tracks, "What did we do wrong."

"You kept secrets from me, after I told you everything you still keep secrets?" a tear rolled down her face.

"Secrets? What are you talking about?"

She reached to her pocket and pulled out the polaroid. When she held it out to them Luke looked back to Alex in shock.

"I already know, but I want to hear it from you. Is this you?" she asked.

"Yes." Luke shamefully let his head fall, with his eyes watering. Alex protectively put his arm around his shoulder.

Julie immediately felt bad knowing her tone was hurting his feelings. 

"No no no, it's not you're fault." she said making him look up. "Let's go up into my room before my dad comes out and thinks I'm going crazy again. And if you feel ready, you guys can tell me the story. I promise I won't raise my voice anymore." she tried to comfort him.

The group walked into her house and up the stairs to her room. She waited for them to enter before closing the door.

"Just breathe." she told him. "You can tell me whatever you are comfortable saying."

"Okay, so it started in 1994." Alex began, sitting next to Reggie on her bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *edit*  
> here is my lalex playlist  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6lUZcp4oPmkAkhjWpfo6VU?si=wGMC8GcbSsC7mKbrHCtcgg


	2. Chapter 1

~1994~

It was a Friday like any other. The boys went to school and rehearsed until their bodies hurt. That's all they could really do to get their anger out.

Once they were finished, Alex ran his hand through his sweaty hair panting.

"Holy shit that was amazing." he chuckled. Luke walked up to him and bumped his fist against the drummer's agreeing before looking down at his watch.

"I gotta go. Amy wants me at her party by six." he tapped his wrist.

"Party? Since when?" Reggie asked zipping up his bass into it's case.

"Since he's been fucking her." Bobby interjects laughing.

"No way." Reggie was surprised.

"Way..." Luke said trying to impress his friends. 

The truth was that he and his girlfriend had only made out a few times. He didn't really like it even though everyone was always talking about how good it was. Bobby told him that the first time he got hot and heavy with a girl, he couldn't keep his hands off of her. So every time Luke got into that predicament, he would pretend to be into it by making tiny grunts into her mouth and trailing his hands down her body. He would usually do a good job at getting her to believe he was liking what was going on, until she noticed nothing was going on down there with him. 

He would just tell her that she made him nervous, which was somewhat true. But he knew something was off.

"Can we go?" Bobby asked taking a sip of water.

"I'll have to ask her, but I can assume that she'll say yes." 

"Sweet! Does she have any hot friends?" Reggie asked high fiving Bobby.

"Not that I know of," he looked beyond them to see a silent Alex, "What about you?"

"What about me?" Alex asked back a little confused.

"Are you coming with us to the party?" he laughed at the drummer's stupid question.

"Nah, my mom wants me home. And plus, if she finds out I went, I will never hear the end of the sex and drug talk."

"Please?" Luke asked getting on his knees infront of him making a puppy dog face.

Alex looked at his other bandmates also urging him to say yes.

"Maybe." he blurted.

"Maybe? I need a yes." Luke said.

"I'm sorry but I can't give you a yes." he laughed.

He really did want to go, but no one knew he was gay except the three dumbasses right infront of him. He didn't want to get drunk and accidentally tell someone who wouldn't be as accepting.

Just then a thought popped into his head; fuck it.  
\-----------------------  
When they arrived to Amy's house, it was empty and quiet.

"Party doesn't start for hours, I thought Luke could help me set up. The more the marrier I guess." she smiled genuinely.

Luke stepped a foot in and pressed a passionate kiss to her lips.

"You're Alex right?" she asked.

"Y-yeah?" he responded anxiously.

"Don't be nervous," she placed her hands on his shoulders, "I just recognized you from Mr. Todd's is all." 

Alex took a breath of relief. He really was overthinking this party thing. He relaxed his muscles and jaw and told himself to calm down.

Luke gave him a supportive pat on the back before asking what he could do to help.

"Uhhhh, ok so Alex, can you put the drinks in the fridge? Luke, you can help me with putting up decorations. Skinny boy and Bobby, can you put away breakable things?"

"It's Reggie actually." he sighed.

"Sorry." she cringed apologetically. 

And that was it, the five of them began setting up.

Alex expected there to be sodas and waters, it was to his surprise when he found bottles of beer and hard liquor. He cleared his throat before taking the drinks one by one and placing them gently and neatly into the fridge.

Reggie and Bobby went all around the house tucking away vases, lamps, photos, keys, and anything that could be broken or stolen.

Luke and Amy worked together putting up basic decorations silently before she finally sparked up a conversation.

"You never introduced me to them before. I thought we were serious."

"We are serious, they just tend to get in the way. I didn't want you to think they were dumb either."

"No they're great, real sweet too." she smiled. "My friend Amanda would love Alex. They both kind of live in a shell."

"The one who had a panic attack over burnt tater tots at lunch?"

"That's the one." she laughed.

"She doesn't seem like his type."

"Well only time will tell, she's coming tonight so maybe you and I could play a major game of matchmaker."

"I think we'll be busy." he pulls her in kissing her before she can say anything else about it. He hoped that she would forget about it by the time the party started because he really didn't want Alex to be in the middle of that. He played the awful scenario in his head over and over again as they kissed.

"Are we interrupting anything." Reggie says raising his eyebrows as the two slowly separate.

"Where's Alex?" Luke asks.

"Probably still in the kitchen." Bobby answers.

Luke smiles at the thought. He thought it was calming the perfect way Alex did things, how he took his time and thought about it before doing it. Although all three of his bandmates knew he sometimes did it too much. 

Luke felt a hand interlock with his own, and a light weight on his shoulder. He looked down to see her head resting gently. He pulled his hand away and wiped it on his jeans.

"My hand is sweaty." he awkwardly smiled.

"Okay, the drinks are in the fridge." a voice trails behind him, "they should be cold by the time it starts."

"Thanks." she says before taking Luke's hand once more and leading them all to the couch.

They sat watching a rerun of ocean girl before she suggested that they watched a movie. They all agreed. They didn't have a say in the first place since Bobby and Reggie practically invited themselves, but it was nice of her to ask.

She popped in Batman Returns, and headed back over to the couch sitting quite close to Luke. 

Luke knew that she suspected something was up with him, so he took a chance and wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer.   
\-------------------------------  
The movie was almost over when they heard a knock at the door.

Luke and Reggie had fallen asleep, so they jolted awake noticing the room much darker than before.

"Oh my god hey!" Amy hugged numerous people as they started walking into the house.

Soon enough the house was packed and music was blaring into their ears.

"I think she likes you!" Luke screamed to Alex pointing to Amy's friend and trying to be louder than the external sounds.

"Oh yeah?" Alex chuckled. "Well if I'm gonna hook up with her I better get wasted while I can, Vodka?" he asked.

Luke wasn't used to Alex being the one to ask him to do something daring.

"Why not, but don't just get shots, fill up a cup." Luke laughed patting Alex's knee.

Luke sat there stomping to the beat of the music. He tilted his head back and let the sounds take him. He closed his eyes and waited for Alex to get back. He waited for quite a while and started to get a little worried before he walked back with two cups in his hands.

"Finally, I've been waiting for hours." he reached for the cup that was almost overfilling, "holy shit, did you take the whole bottle?" the two laughed as they sat back and sipped.

"Amy's great." Alex said looking over to the other boy.

"Yeah." Luke said plainly.

"What do you mean yeah?" Alex scoffed thinking his best friend was going crazy. Amy was kind, beautiful, and most of all, she cared about Luke.

"She's awesome, but I don't know if I like her like that." Luke took another sip.

"You seemed to-"

"I was just trying to show off."

"Yeah but that's not cool, Luke. You can't play with people's emotions just to prove something to Bobby and Reggie."

"I know, but I think I was also trying to prove something to myself."

"What do you mean? You're scaring me."

"I'm scaring me too." Luke sighed before chugging the rest of his drink and crushing the cup.

Alex didn't want to drink any more, so he poured it into the sink. He leaned against the counter and thought of what the fuck Luke could have been talking about. He spotted him across the room acting like nothing was happening being flirty and laughing with Amy.

He met up with Bobby and decided not to mention Luke's odd confession. He just smiled and laughed at his jokes.

Luke was a few drinks in and already drunk.

"You wanna go upstairs?" he whispered into his girlfriend's ear. She giggled and nodded as he lead her to her own bedroom.

He pushed her against the wall and laid passionate kisses onto her lips. Almost aggressive.

"Luke what is up with you?" she seemed concerned.

"N-nothing, just keep kissing me." he brung her back to his lips as they continued. He led her over to the bed and layed her down before climbing on top of her.

"Slow." she said, but he kept going at the same speed.

"Slow Luke." she held his face in her delicate hands looking into his soul. Tears emerged from his eyes as he got up and sat on the edge of her bed.

"What is it?"

"I don't know."

"Is it me?"

"No no no, it's not you. You're- you're perfect."

"Is it something I did?" she asked. He laid his head into her lap.

"I'm lost."

She played with his hair and hummed the words to his favorite song.

"What is it baby?" she tried her best to comfort him.

"Amy," he gulped down his fear, "I think I'm gay."

"What? Come on Luke be serious."

He sat up.

"I like boys. And I want you to be the first to know because... because I don't want to hurt you." he said trying to let her understand.

"Why would you want to think-"

"I don't want to-"

"So you and Alex?" she couldn't wrap her head around the situation.

"No not me and Alex, me and myself. I can't get hard when we do stuff and everytime you're cuddling with me it doesn't feel right."

"That doesn't make you gay Luke. Maybe you just don't like me?"

"No," he shook his head, "I definitely like boys, but maybe I like girls too."

"You can't like both, and I can't have my ex boyfriend be gay. I'd be the laughing stock of the school." she got up slowly, heading for the door.

He grabbed one of her pillows and curled up to it for comfort and sobbed. This was his first experience with telling anyone what he really thought was going on, and he hated every second of it.

Once thirty minutes had gone by, he threw the pillow back into it's position and stumbled down the steps. He went to the drink station and poured another huge cupful of vodka. 

He walked over to the front room where he found Alex and the friend Amy was talking about, kissing.

"Alex what the fuck man? What are you doing? Aren't you-"

"Waiting for you to leave." he got up and took Luke's arm and dragged him back up the stairs to Amy's bedroom.

He sat Luke on the edge of her bed before he sat next to him

"You... you were just kissing a girl."

"Yep and so were you, your point?"

"But we're both gay. Why do we do that?"

"What?"

"Surpriiiiiiise." he laughed going to take another sip until Alex took it from his hands.

"You're drunk, you don't mean that." he said setting the drink down on her night stand.

When he turned around, he was met with a pair of lips attached to his own. Alex gently pushed him away and shook his head.

"You don't want me?" Luke sighed.

"I want you... so bad. But we can't. Trust me, you will regret it if we hookup."

"No I won't." Luke looked into Alex's eyes leaning foreward.

Their lips were so close to touching once more before Luke bent over Alex's knees and a month's worth of drinks came pouring out of him. 

"Sorry." he muttered wiping the contents of his lips off.

"It's ok." Alex assured him rubbing his back.

"Can I spend the night in your parent's garage? I don't want mine to know I got this wasted." he laughed.

"I don't see why not, but in the meantime we should get going before Amy finds this." he gestured to the floor.

"Yeah okay." Luke smiled.

Alex took his arm and wrapped it around his shoulders to help him back down the stairs.

"Bobby! Reggie!" he got their bandmates attention, 'Lets go.' he mouthed pointing to Luke. The two nodded and lead their way to Alex.


	3. Chapter 2

Luke slowly opened his eyes immediately feeling pain in his head. He rubbed his eyes and sat up on the couch. He saw a note on the coffee table.

_My parents took me and Madeline to the store. I'll be back soon._

_-Alex_

Madeline was Alex's thirteen year old sister. She always teased Alex about Luke liking her better, and Luke just played along. He kind of got a kick out of Alex's warm smile.

Luke stood up slowly trying to ignore the raging headache and his sore body. He grabbed a shirt from the ground, and random sweatpants he saw out of the corner of his eye. He ruffled his hair and put Alex's sweatshirt overtop of his muscle shirt before making his way to Alex's actual house.

"Morning Luke." Alex's mom greeted him.

"Morning Jan." he smiled.

"Alex was telling me about your gig last night and I hear it was packed."

"Oh it was something." he laughed before sitting next to his best friend at their breakfast table. He didn't remember anything from last night after the movie they watched, it was all a blur. He vaguely remembered fighting with Amy and drinking the night away, but that was all.

"I'm thinking of making pancakes, what do you guys think?" Jan asked the kids.

"Pancakes?" the small girl rocketed her head into view from the couch.

"Is that who I think it is?" Luke smiled before she came running into his arms.

"See Alex, I never hug you like this." he played along to their long lasting inside joke. "Pancakes sound amazing."

"Morning champ." a tall man emerges from the steps and pats his son on the shoulders making Alex tense.

Alex never really chose to talk about his dad. But whenever he sparked up in conversation, Luke didn't hear good things about him. The only real experience Luke had with him was when he spent the night in Alex's room a few years back, he had found out Alex took his walk man to school that day. He didn't hear or see it happen but Alex left the room with a perfectly normal face, and he came back with a frown and a cherry red mark on his cheek.

"I noticed your bike was gone last night." he said sitting down next to him sipping the coffee Alex's mom had poured for him.

"I went to a gig with Luke and the band sir." he said trying not to make eye contact.

"Is that true?" the scary man asked.

Luke nodded. He wanted to scoop Alex into his arms and hold him at times like these, but he just couldn't because the two boys would never hear the end of it.

"Alright then."

"You're scaring them Micheal." Jan reaches over the table to grab the plate that was in Alex's spot.

"No I'm not, our son is just a pussy." he laughed to himself and nudged Alex. "I'm just kidding, lighten up."

"Alex can I talk to you upstairs?" Luke asks trying to save him.

"Y-yeah. May I be excused sir?" 

His dad signaled his hand in approval.

The two walked upstairs together and shut the door behind them when they got to Alex's room.

"Thanks." he sighed before sitting on his perfectly made bed.

"No problem, he scares me too." he plopped down beside the taller boy.

"Sometimes I wish that I can just run away," he falls back, "but then I think of Madi and I realize that I can't."

"Damn I wish I had someone to live for." Luke fell beside him. "I have my parents, but they don't count."

"Why not?"

"They don't want me to be in the band, which sounds shitty of me to say, but you guys are the only people I actually love other than them," he pauses. "And Amy."

"Amy?"

"Yep," he sighed. "I love her."

"Dude, she broke up with you last night."

Luke sat up and looked down at him.

"What?"

"Yeah, and then you went on this whole rant."

"About what?"

"You don't want to know, take my word for it." he put his hands behind his head.

"Did I... do anything life ruining?"

"No." Alex laughed and Luke layed back down next to him.

"It's almost like we're star gazing."

"Please don't say that." Alex cringed.

"Why are you acting so weird with me?"

"You," he hesitated, "kissed me last night."

Luke was shocked. He had been thinking about his sexuality for months, especially when things got serious with Amy, but he didn't think he could ever get drunk enough to kiss Alex. Not that he wasn't attractive, he just knows from past experiences that kisses can ruin friendships.

"Sorry, I didn't kno-"

"It's cool, you're actually kind of a good kisser." he joked.

"Can I ask you something?" 

"Sure."

"Now that you know that I'm," he gestured with his hands, "How do you know if you are, ya know, fully gay."

"What do you mean?"

"I like guys, but what I'm asking is, can I like girls too?"

"You can do whatever you want."

"I can?"

"Yeah but if you're flirting with a girl, it probably won't be the best idea to tell them you like guys too."

"Why not?"

"I don't know, but for me, it would be hard to trust the other person."

"I kind of get what you're saying." Luke turned his head to face Alex. The other boy did the same.

"Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

The brunette nodded. He smirked and brought his face to Alex's. He closed the space in between them.

"Wait-" he pulled away. "If we do this, we can't tell anyone, not even the guys. And we aren't friends with benefits, we are just two guys helping each other out who also happen to be friends, kay?"

"Okay." Alex agreed before snaking his hand around Luke's neck and bringing their lips together again. Alex repositioned himself without breaking the kiss and the other boy followed. Their lips moved in sync with one another, reconnecting over and over again slowly.

Alex's right hand was underneath Luke, wrapping loosely around his lower back. His right was gripping the smaller boy's muscles.

Luke's right hand was pressing against Alex's chest, and leaning on his left.

They only pulled away to catch a breath every few minutes.

"Pancakes are read- OH MY GOD!"

The boys looked over to Alex's door. There stood a terrified Madeline. She started walking away trying to understand what the fuck she just walked in on. Alex chased after her.

He took her arm and dragged her into his room.

"Don't you dare tell them." he said slamming the door behind him.

"Don't slam the door!" Jan called from downstairs.

"Okay mom!" he shouted back. 

"I won't tell." she tried to leave again.

"I mean it Madi, dad will kick my ass." she nodded.

She still seemed confused.

"What?" he asked.

"Are you guys like, boyfriends?"

Alex looked back at Luke before turning back to her.

"No, not boyfriends. Is that all?"

"Are you guys... gay or just kissing because your girlfriends dumped you or something?"

"I am, he's still figuring it out."

"Okay, I'll probably have more questions later but in the meantime I'll be trying to get the thought of you guys doing that out of my head." she stiffly turned around and left his room.

Alex and Luke both started laughing.

"It's not funny, it's traumatizing!" they heard her yell from the hall.


	4. Chapter 3

It had been days since the morning they were caught, Luke passed Alex in the hall with butterflies in his stomach. He wanted nothing more than to forget about what happened Saturday morning. He took a sharp turn and stood infront of his locker for a moment breathing out deeply before spinning the dial and pulling the lock open.

"Hey Luke." a gentle voice that sounded familiar piped behind him.

"Amy." he greeted her trying not to make it known to everyone around them the falling out that had happened just a few days before.

"Can we talk?" she asked.

"I don't think that's a good idea." he said clearing his throat pulling the books he would need for the next three classes out of his locker and stuffing them into his oversized backpack. She looked back to her friends that were watching in a group down the hall.

"I didn't tell anyone if that's what you're wondering." 

He nodded awkwardly before noticing Bobby and Reggie talking at their lockers. He shut his, clipping the lock back into place and walking past Amy.

"That's it, you're just going to ignore me?" she calls after him but he chooses it's best not to turn around to say anything back.

"Hey what's up boys." he walks up to his best friends slinging his arms around their shoulders.

"Hey." Bobby says.

"That's it just a hey?" Luke laughed looking between them waiting for them to laugh with him but no such luck, "what's wrong?"

"Alex is acting weird." Reggie sighs.

"Weird? How so?"

"Well you know how Sundays usually go." Bobby said.

"Church." all three of them said together.

Alex's parents forced him to go to church every Sunday. Whenever the band would spend the night, they had to go with his family too. 

Alex sat in an empty classroom waiting for other students to arrive before class started. He rested his head in his hands trying to drown out the sounds of talking and shoes squeaking in the hallway. He took a deep breath in with tears forming in his eyes remembering yesterday morning.

"God is in each and every single one of you. As a pastor it is my job to spread Jesus's word. And in Leviticus 18:22 the scripture states that it is despicable for man to lie with man as he shall with a woman."

"Amen." a man from the back shouts. He looks over to his mother and father nodding at everything the pastor was saying.

Madeline saw the hurt in his eyes and took his hand into hers. She rested her head on his shoulder as he tried his best to stay strong in front of his parents.

"Alex." he jolted awake looking up from his hands showing the class his tear stained face. "Are you okay?" Mr. Todd asked him.

"S-sorry I didn't get much sleep last night."

"It's ok. Why don't I write you a pass to the nurse and you can hang out there and relax." Mr. Todd placed a hand on Alex's shoulder before walking over to his desk to write the hall pass.

Alex stood up and walked to the front of the class. He heard quiet snickers from select students as he left. Instead of going to the nurse like he was supposed to, he kept it together just in time to reach the closest bathroom. Luckily, it was empty.

He leaned against the wall with his hand over his mouth trying to keep quiet as he sobbed. His back slid against the paint until he was in a sitting position with his knees tucked into him.

'Calm down.' he told himself over and over again but it only got worse. 

He thought about what his parents would say if they found out that he had kissed a boy under their roof. And Luke, he was sure the smaller boy wanted nothing to do with him anymore. No wonder he didn't want to tell anyone about them.

He had warned himself that it was just a hookup, but still here he was crying over the same boy.

He slammed the hand that was covering his mouth onto the floor in anger as he continued trying to take deep breaths. Once he had collected his thoughts, he sat there for a minute before stumbling over to the sink and splashing water into his face.

More time had passed than he thought. The bell rang releasing everyone from first period and on to second. He quickly rushed into the stall as boys from his grade began to fill in.

"Did you see when that sophomore Luke tripped in the hall." one of the boys in the bathroom said eliciting a small laugh from Alex.

When the coast was clear he finally left the bathroom feeling much better than before.

All throughout the day, he saw Luke in the hallways more than once, but neither of them engaged a conversation with one another.

Luke knew he was developing feelings for the blonde, but it was his first crush on a boy and he knew that things would change for him once he admitted it to himself. His lips tingled as he remembered the feeling of their kiss. He tried his best to push it aside and focus on his studies earlier, but he just couldn't. He turned around finally working up the courage to talk to him.

"Wait." he called. Alex turned around. "Would you maybe, you know, want to 'study' after school." he said making quotations with his hands.

Alex knew it wasn't good for himself to keep sneaking around with Luke, but still he nodded.

"Cool, we can go to my house."

"Won't the guys wonder where we are?"

"I already called off rehearsal in the hopes that you would say yes." Luke laughed tucking his thumbs into his pockets.

"Yeah okay. Meet you after the final bell." Alex forced a smile.  
\--------------------------------  
Luke took his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door to an empty house. He threw his backpack onto the couch before Alex did the same.

"Are you hungry?" Luke asked walking to the kitchen.

"Kind of." Alex looked at the familiar family photos laying around and smiled to himself.

"My mom made some chicken shit last night, I can heat that up for you."

"What is this?" Alex asked abruptly. Luke shut the fridge and looked confused.

"What is what?" 

"This." he gestured his hands between them, "What are we."

"Friends." Luke scoffed.

"Friends? Really?"

"Uhh best friends?"

"You know what, I'm leaving." Alex threw the strap of his backpack over his shoulder and headed for the door. Whatever sexuality issues Luke was going through, he didn't just want to be a stupid hookup, he wanted what they had to be real. He reached for the handle and pushed open the door taking a step out.

"Wait-" Luke caught up to him.

Alex closed the door giving Luke one last chance. He let his backpack drop to the floor waiting for him to say something else.

"What?" Alex heard himself speak up.

Luke stood on his tippy toes pecking their lips together. "Don't go." he rested his forehead against Alex's.

Alex knew that Luke was hurting not being able to tell anyone his secrets, but at the end of the day, all it was hurting was their friendship. Alex liked Luke and Luke liked Alex, but when did things get so complicated. 

Even before they knew Bobby, and even Reggie, it was always them, and both boys knew that they could be tarnishing their friendship with every kiss, but they wanted each other. They needed each other.


	5. Chapter 4

"I have to tell you something." Luke said lifting his head from Alex's chest. It was hard for him to get past the initial shock of having a crush on someone other than a girl, but when he finally wrapped his head around it he realized that if he was in the same situation as Alex, it would be frustrating to be waiting for the next time the other person would lash out and leave him wondering what he did. And he definitely didn't want to end what was going on between them, so he had to make a choice. Completely stop what they were doing and never tell anyone it happened, or take the next step in their relationship and tell him how he feels.

"What is it? Did I do something wrong? Do you not want to hang out like this anymore?" 

"Alex," Luke pressed a peppered kiss to his lips, "no. The opposite actually."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that it took me a week or two to figure out what I really wanted."

"And?"

"And, I think I want us to be more official. Like...more than friends."

"Are you serious? Luke if you're messing with me I will never forgive you."

"I mean yeah. We've been doing this for what, two weeks? And I don't think either of us want to stop anytime soon."

"So we're like, boyfriends now?"

"Yeah. But only we know. For now at least."

"Obviously." Alex laughs. Even though it was just between them, his heart fluttered thinking of cuddling with his boyfriend. Luke rested his head back on his chest. Alex pulled him closer kissing him on the head before nuzzling his face closer to him.

"This is nice." Luke mumbled before jolting out of Alex's arms at the knock of his door.

"Luke, honey, the band is here. Except Alex." he rushed out of his room. "Oh Alex is already here?"

"Yep." he ran down the stairs and opened the door greeting the rest of his bandmates.

"You ready to head to Alex's?" Bobby asks holding his guitar.

"About that-"

"Hey guys." Alex opens the door farther.

"You guys are already hanging out? I thought we were meeting up at Alex's to get ready for the gig." Reggie seemed a little jealous that his best friends were leaving him behind.

"What gig?" Luke's mind had completely flooded of anything other than his feelings for Alex in these past couple of weeks.

"The one you booked us at open mic night at the restaurant we've been eating at since we were fourteen. Are you feeling okay? Because you definitely would remember something this important." Bobby was getting worried about Luke.

"Oh pshhh yeah, I'm fine."

"Yeah I kinda forgot too." Alex added making Luke seem a little less forgetful.

"Well, let's hustle. We only have a few hours. Grab your guitar." Reggie said stepping down from Luke's porch grabbing his bike that was tipped over and lying on the ground with his bass over his shoulder that was gingerly tucked in a case.

Luke ran back upstairs and grabbed his guitar. He went through the garage that was attached to his house and grabbed his bike catching up with his three other bandmates.

When they got to Alex's they rehearsed their set list until their hands hurt.

"I hear Amy's coming tonight." Bobby lightly punches Luke's shoulder in a friendly way.

"I told her we're over. I don't know why she insists on coming to our events still." Luke said before chugging his water.

"Because maybe she sees a spark in you that no other girl has. I don't know why you broke up with her, but I have this instinct that the universe is telling you to get back together with her." Bobby insisted.

"No I think that's just you being stupid." Luke laughed throwing what was left in the water bottle to Alex. "Drink up, it's going to be a long night."

"Alex," Reggie approached him, "If Amy is going to be there, you know who else will too."

Alex rolled his eyes at the thought of kissing Amy's friend.

"Don't remind me. I was drunk and was simply experimenting."

"Yeah well, she doesn't think so. I heard her talking in calculous the other day about your 'soft and sweet lips'. I wish girls would talk about me like that." Reggie frowned.

"Don't worry bro. As soon as Alex lets that girl go, she's all yours." Luke promises him.

"Oh yeah? Well I don't see you going after any girls since you broke up with Amy." Reggie laughs patting him on the shoulder.

"I have ladies." he pretends to brush something off of his shoulder. He looks over to Alex with his cheeks looking a little red and a bright smile on his face.

"Oh speaking of ladies, my girlfriend is coming tonight." Bobby sits back on the couch feeling confident.

"You have a new girlfriend every week, who are you talking about this time." Reggie asks.

"Jessica from English. We met a couple weeks ago." he said looking at the time, "Holy shit, we gotta go. Alex, can your mom or dad drive us."

"Sure, but we'll all have to pile into my mom's mini van."

"Fair enough." Reggie said as they all grabbed their guitars. 

Alex's mom was busy with dinner, so she had Alex's dad drive them. It was in the city, so it would take longer than usual to get there since most of their gigs were in town instead.

"So boys, which one of you is going to finally introduce Alex to his dream girl." he laughed pulling out of the driveway.

"Oh I don't know, there's this girl named Amanda that Luke actually introduced him to." Reggie said trying to keep the energy in the car at a dull roar.

"Amanda? Is that the girl you were telling me you kissed at last week's gig?"

"We didn't have-" Luke pressed his knuckle into Reggie's thigh, "I mean yeah, he took her backstage and everything."

"That's good to hear buddy. Finally getting the attention from the girls."

"Oh you have no idea, he's like a chick magnet." Bobby says.

'Too much.' Luke mouths.

It took them long enough but they finally arrived to the restaurant. Alex's dad helped his son unload his drums from the van as the rest of the band heads inside to sign in.

"Is this girl going to be here tonight?" he asks.

"I think so." he sucks in his lips.

"Can I give you some advice from one man to the next?"

"Sure."

"Girls like when you whisper random seductive shit in their ears."

"Oh yeah?" Alex laughed.

"I'm serious. It worked for your mom. You should try it tonight."

"I'll try."

They worked together getting the drums ready for the stage and for the first time in a long ass time, Alex didn't feel threatened by his dad. So what if it was girls that brought them together, they were still talking like a normal father and son should.

The rest of the band kept their guards up just in case Alex's dad overstepped, but for the most part, they left Alex alone while they did it.

"Ok, that should do it. Sorry I can't stay but your mother would kill me if I didn't come home for dinner."

"It's fine sir."

"Remember what we talked about, whisper shit in her ear and she'll be wrapped around your finger. I'll be back in a few hours to pick you guys up." 

"Okay sir."

"Call me dad." 

"Yes sir- dad." Alex smiled before he was brought into a very awkward hug. Luke looked over to make sure everything was still okay.

Once he had left and drove off Alex felt comforted.

"Everything good?" Luke asked.

"Yeah, I think he just actually expressed that he cared about me."

"Because he thinks you like girls." 

"So? At least he is trying to connect with me." Alex says with a hint of anger.

"Alex, he's a terrible dad. He'll flip out if he finds out about us remember."

"My relationship with my dad has nothing to do with you." he walks past Luke bumping his shoulder.

"I care about you way more than he does!" Luke calls after him getting him to turn around.

"Let's not do this here."

"Go flirt with that girl for all I care, but don't come crying to me when your dad hits you for not kissing her tonight."

"Who says I won't."

"Really? You're going to cheat on me? Already?" Luke says quietly for only the two of them to hear.

"No, just stop acting like a dick."

"Up next, Sunset Curve." the announcer says before walking off the stage handing the microphone to Luke.

The four of them walk onto the stage and begin playing. Luke can hear the aggressive beat of the drums behind him trying to ignore it as he kept singing. They played a total of seven songs before their set was over and they took a bow with a round of applause.

"Thank you. We're Sunset Curve." Reggie says into the mic before they all walked off.

"Alex, you alright?" Bobby asks.

"I'm fine. Where's Amanda?"

"You're not actually thinking of hooking up with her are you?" Reggie seems concerned.

"Maybe I am."

"Alex, trust me, you don't want to do that. You're gay, and nothing your dad could say will ever change that. Including his advice without girls. I don't know what you're going through right now, but just save yourself from deep thoughts and don't do it." Reggie says something helpful for once.

"But I want him to be proud of me." 

"We know," Luke brings him into a hug before he can break down crying, "Guys can you give us a minute?" 

They all nod. Luke takes his hand and brings him to the back of the restaurant.

"Just breathe. You're okay, just breathe Alex breathe."

When Alex eventually calms down, Luke takes his hand again.

"Sorry about earlier." Alex wipes a tear off his face.

"Me too. The last thing I want to do is keep you away from getting along with your dad, it's just tough seeing him talk to you like that."

"I know. I just need to learn how to stand up for myself."

"No, I like the way you are just fine. And plus, that's another reason why we're going to be the perfect couple."

"Talk about cheesy." Alex smiles before leaning down sealing his lips with Luke's.

"We better go before your dad comes back."

Luke holds the door for Alex as they go back in the building seeing a group of girls waiting for them.

"A-Alex. It's me, from the party."

"Hey Amanda."

"Can we talk for a minute."

"My dad should be here any second, but you can walk with me to the car." she nodded to his words before walking side by side with him to the front entrance.

"So... that party. Things happened."

"Yeah."

"And I was thinking, what if we-"

"I'm taken."

"Oh- I- that's great."

"But can you do me a favor." he notices a familiar car pull up.

"Sure, anything."

He pushes her up against the brick wall. "Pretend I'm saying something sexy." he whispered.

She smiled before ruffling up his hair and giving him a kiss on the cheek slowly. "Good?"

He nodded. 

"Alex!" his dad calls.

"I gotta go." he says trying not to laugh.

"No hard feelings." she says waving.

He jogs up to the car with a smug smile.

"I told you the girls go crazy." 

He dropped each of the boys off at their houses before driving back to their house.

Alex could sleep soundly knowing that he made his dad proud tonight.


	6. Chapter 5

"Can you believe that we have been dating for a week?" Alex chuckled. He was practically laying on top of Luke as they cuddled on the couch.

"Yes," Luke smiled.

All throughout the week, every second their friends' backs were turned, they snuck a quick and silent kiss. When Reggie and Bobby would turn around, they would notice both boys flustered but didn't really think anything of it.

"Come here." Luke giggled pulling Alex's face toward his. He felt hands trail along all of his body as they traded passionate kisses. Alex's lips were so soft and plump compared to Luke's.

"Should we stop?" Alex asks feeling blood rush down his body and his pants getting tighter.

"No." Luke shook his head gulping, "No this- this is great."

Alex smiled before leaning back down. After a few minutes of them slowly reconnecting their lips, Luke slightly opened his mouth leading an entrance for Alex's tongue.

Alex had never kissed anyone like this before, but life is composed of first times so why not.

A low groan escaped out of Luke with the new pleasurable feeling. Alex cupped Luke's face with his right hand making the other boy lean back into the kiss.

Luke pulled him close and began leaving kisses down Alex's jaw and to his neck.

"Have you ever done this before." Luke looked into his starry eyes.

"No." 

"Do you want me to?"

Alex nodded making Luke smirk.

"Stop!" they heard a voice coming from the loft. Alex jumped in fear and fell to the ground. Luke offered him a hand helping him up before squinting trying to see who was up there. There was a small boy facing away from them with his hands covering his ears trying to block out what was going on below.

"Reggie?" the two say in sync.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asks as Reggie climbs down the ladder.

"My parents. Were you two... about to have sex?" he shivered just thinking about his two best friends doing that. He wasn't disgusted, but it would have been wrong for him to let them continue as he listened in.

"N-no of course not." Alex relaxed sitting on the couch opening his arms over the back of it. "I'm just glad it was you and not my dad."

"So you guys are a thing now?"

"Yep." Luke plopped next to his boyfriend's open arm.

"And you're gay?"

"Why does everyone keep asking these questions? I like him, he likes me. That's all there is to it." Luke seemed frustrated.

"So you're not gay?"

Luke threw his arms up annoyed.

"He likes boys and girls. So... no, but also yes." Alex helped Luke answer.

"You can do that?" the two could see a lightbulb go off in Reggie's head.

"Yeah bro, it's called bitsexul."

"Bisexual." Alex corrected.

"Yea, bisexual."

"So wait, I can like boys, and girls?"

"And everything inbetween." Alex smiled.

"Holy shit. I-I think I'm bitsexual." Reggie sighed.

"Bisexual." Alex corrected once more.

"Yeah, that. But how do I know for sure?"

"Don't ask us, we're not kissing you." Luke laughed.

"Oh come on. Alex?" Reggie raised his eyebrows.

"N- no way, he's mine and so are his lips."

"So... kiss infront of me." Reggie suggested leaning back into the wooden chair set up behind one of the guitar stands.

"No. I didn't even want you knowing nevermind making out infront of you."

"You're lame." Reggie joked.

"You're a creep." Luke laughed interlacing his fingers with Alex's. "You're offly quiet."

"Sorry."

"Did you hear anything that was said?" Luke asks.

"Not really."

Luke leans over and whispers something in his ear occasionally looking over to Reggie.

"Ew no we're not doing that. Just do what I did and find some magazines with some guys in it."

"I don't have money, and whats the big deal anyways. I already know that once you tell Bobby you're going to be that one couple that makes out around the friend group."

"Still nope." Luke scoffed.

"Fine, what if I tell Alex about that time in 8th grade when you took his sister's-"

"Okay okay, just stop. I'll do it."

"You took my sister's what?" Alex asked.

"Nothing." Luke straddles his hips, "Let's just get this over with. How long?"

"I'll tell you when." Reggie smirks crossing his legs.

"Perv." Luke says turning to Alex, "Don't worry about him. It's just you and me."

"Okay, but after this I deserve to know what you did to my sister's-" he was interrupted with a pair of lips on his own. Alex continues trying not to make it too explicit since their best friend was sitting almost right beside them.

After about thirty seconds Luke pulls away, "Okay that's enough. So, bisexual?"

"Not sure. Can you demonstrate again?"

"Oh fuck off." Luke sits back next to his boyfriend.

"Yeah, and by the way can I just say that you two are amazing kissers."

"Thank you?" Luke seems a little disturbed.

"So, what did he do?" Alex asks preparing himself. 

"He shoved your sister's favorite barbie into the wood chipper that your dad had when he was building this place."

"Reggie!"

"That was you? I couldn't sleep for a month because she never slept without it. You said it was Bobby."

"Sorry. But hey atleast now I can make it up to you." he leaned in covering the seal of their quick kiss from Reggie's view with his hand.

"I'm starting to like gay Luke, he's sassy and a little possessive." 

"Yeah well you were never supposed to meet him. Please let us tell Bobby on our own."

"Of course." he trailed off, "Can I show you this song I'm working on?"

"All yours." Luke motioned to the bass that was leaning against the wall.

"It's called 'Home is Where My Horse is' I had the help of my older brother." he felt confident.

"I'm starting to think that Dawson actually roped you into country music." Alex says before Reggie starts playing the song.

When he finishes he looks over to his friends for opinions. They clap slowly in confusion.

"Was it that bad?"

"I liked that little riff you played in the beginning." Alex tries to lighten up the room.

"Dude, that may have been the worst song I've ever heard." Luke laughs.

Reggie actually feels bad about it. It wasn't the best, but the time him and his brother took to write it was the only time they had sat in a room together and hung out in a long time.

"Hey bro are you okay?" Luke notices that they hurt his feelings.

"It's just hard." his breath hitches, "Only being able to see him once a year. I don't want to sit here and cry over him, but he's the only thing that keeps me together other than you guys and Bobby."

"Hey, it's okay to be sad. I imagine not being able to see Madeline for a year and I start crying." Alex assures him.

"M-my parents always compare me to him and shit, but he always treated me as equal when we were kids. And now that he's overseas my parents won't stop bugging me to join once I turn eighteen, but I don't want to leave you guys."

"Reggie, it's okay. We're right here. None of us are going anywhere." Luke says. "I'm sorry I dissed your song, but seriously 'my favorite giant animal'?"

"I'm sorry my song doesn't meet your new gay standards Luke." Reggie wipes his tears making himself laugh.

"Does Dawson know, about, you?" Alex asks.

"I told him once that I thought I liked boys, but he smiled and gave me a hug and said 'Proud of you.' and ruffled up my hair. Does Madeline know about you?"

"Yep, she was the first person to catch us. Not one of my brighter moments as a big brother."

"No way, she knew about gay Luke before me?"

"Can we stop saying gay Luke?" the small boy interrupted.

They stayed up until the sun rose talking about how their relationship started, Reggie's dog, their parents, their siblings, and anything else that they could think of.

Luke was the first to fall asleep in the comfort of Alex's arms around 4 a.m.

"Isn't he cute?" Alex asks booping his boyfriend's nose.

"You would think that he would be a night owl."

"No bro, the first time we actually spent the night in his bed, he was out at twelve. But it's really late for him so I'm glad he stayed up as late as this."

"I know this is stupid since you guys just started dating, but do you think you love him."

"Of course I love him, we've known each other our whole lives. But if you're talking about falling in love, I think I am. Which is weird because my parents said it took them ages to."

"Are you going to tell him that?"

"No, it took him long enough to tell me that he liked me. It's going to be a while before the first 'I love you.'"

"It's not going to be long before the school finds out."

"I know, but before they find out, we really want to tell our parents even though we both know mine won't like it. But we both agreed that it's better for me to tell them rather than finding out from the school."

"I'm getting tired." Reggie says stretching back and yawning.

"Same. I can set up the couch for you and carry him inside."

"How are you going to get him up though?"

"He has such a weak spot for my soft voice, watch this." he leaned down and began to whisper into Luke's ear, "Luke. You gotta sit up baby."

"Baby?" Reggie says as quiet as possible trying not to laugh. Alex shrugs. He knows it's cheesy but it works the best.

"Luke?" he whispers.

"Hmm?"

"Let's go to bed babe. Get up."

Luke nods sitting up. "Okay."

Alex groans picking him up. Luke just passes out again right in his arms.

"I'll be back."

"No it's fine I know where everything is."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, you can go ahead and take your 'baby' to bed."

"Can you open the doors?" Alex asks carrying the sleeping boy over to them.

"Yeah." Reggie jogs over.

Alex thought this would be much harder. Surprisingly, Luke isn't even that heavy. He knocks at the back door getting Madeline's attention from the couch. She always wakes up super early for her show.

"Is he drunk?" she asks letting her brother in.

"No, just tired."

"Awww." she cooed.

"Shut up."

"You're not actually going to carry him up the stairs are you?" she calls after him as he rounds the corner.

He lays Luke onto his bed before shutting his door. He sighs before joining him and covering them both with his comforter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how I'm switching their rolls here bahahaha. I feel like Luke would be a soft boi around Alex... right? And Alex would always try to prove dominance. I'll revert them back next chapter if you guys want.


	7. Chapter 6

“I hate this,” Luke says with a low groan to his voice. They sat across from each other in the garage waiting for the clock to strike 4 starting their band rehearsal.

“What's wrong.” Alex twiddled his drum stick.

“I just feel guilty for lying to Bobby.”

“Well we don't know how he would react. It’s better to keep it secret for now.”

“I know but it’s just, he’s our friend and what’s the worst that can happen if we tell him.”

“He could quit the band and tell the whole school.” he smiles sarcastically.

“Ha ha very funny.” Luke rolls his eyes. “I’m serious, we have to tell him soon.”

“I know."

"God, I thought that we'd have one big coming out and then everyone would know."

"Yeah, unfortunately the president doesn't use is emergency broadcast system to let people know that two teenage boys are dating."

"Whatever." he playfully punched him in the stomach.

"Ah!" Alex yelled flinching.

"What was that, are you okay?" 

"Yeah, it's nothing." he rubbed underneath his sweatshirt in pain.

"You don't yell from nothing. Lift up your sweatshirt."

"No, I'm fine."

"Lift it up now." Luke demanded. He knew something was up, Alex was never the one to be secretive over small things like a bruise on his stomach, especially toward Luke.

Alex complied and lifted it up revealing a huge bruise on his left side, much darker than Luke had expected.

"I did that?" Luke sat him down on the couch worriedly.

"N-no, of course not. It was already there."

"Who did it?"

"No one."

"This isn't the kind of thing to keep secrets about, Alex. Who fucking did it?"

"My dad."

"I'm gonna kill him."

"Don't, it's my fault."

"For liking boys? He thinks that's you're fault?"

"No, it wasn't about that. He came into the garage the morning Reggie was here and got mad because I let him sleepover without telling anyone."

"Yeah, but I sleepover all the time without you asking your parents."

"My mom usually vouches for me. She went to the store with Madeline that morning."

"Shit Alex. I shouldn't have left early. It's just that I needed to go home that morning and help my mom with some lunch that she was making. I am so sorry, I shouldn't have hit you, even if it was a joke."

"Don't blame this on yourself, it wouldn't have hurt at all if it wasn't there."

"I can say the same for you. Okay sure you let Reggie spend the night without permission, but that doesn't mean that he can hit you like that." Luke was trying his best to keep his anger inside, but he was so mad. The bastard had Alex wrapped around his finger all in the hopes that they can have an actual father and son relationship. Of course Luke wasn't going to tell him that, but it was true.

"Can we just forget about this and cuddle?" Alex asked.

"I won't forget about it, but yes." he sat down in the empty spot next to Alex. He wrapped his arms around him, gently running his hand up and down Alex's bicep. They stayed like this for a while until Reggie and Bobby got there. They didn't want to get up, so they just stayed there.

"Holy shit that's a huge bruise." Reggie pointed out. The boys had completely forgotten that Alex's sweatshirt was off.

"Who did that?" Bobby asked setting down his guitar and kneeling beside the couch.

"No one." Alex lifted his body off of Luke's. Bobby's cold fingers touched it lightly making Alex grip his side.

"Did he do this?" Bobby looks over to Luke.

"No, he would never do anything like this."

"Then why was he comforting you like that?"

"Lets just all calm down." Reggie tried to settle the situation.

"Holy shit Luke, you hit Alex!"

"No I didn't, can you just let me explain."

"No, no I can't. You know how fragile he is."

"I'm not fragile." Alex interjected standing up walking over to them. "And he was comforting me, well because..." he interlocked his hand with Luke's, "we're together."

"Then who did this- wait did you just say that you were dating?"

"Yes." Alex smiled trying to get this whole ordeal over with.

"And it was his fucking dad." Luke rolled his eyes before he was being picked up by Bobby. He thought he would throw him to the floor or something, but he started spinning him around.

"I knew there was something off about you," he set him down, "That's what pussy can do to a guy."

"Uh, dude."

"Hm?"

Luke motioned over to Alex, "he's not a girl."

"Or dick, same thing."

"I really don't think it is." Luke laughed.

Alex sat back on the couch still holding his left side in pain.

"Reggie, get Madeline and tell her we need the first aid kit." Luke grabbed Alex's free hand and knelt on the other side of the arm rest.

He ran inside. The three could see him frantically looking through the first floor for her before sprinting up the stairs.

Alex tried to laugh, but it just made the pain worse.

When Reggie arrived back with her, he had a hard time catching his breath.

"Holy shit." she opened the kit that was as big as a briefcase.

"Language." Alex reminded her.

"I'm thirteen, not eight." she said before touching the dark purple skin making him take a sharp breath, "Jesus Alex, how long has this been here?"

"A few days." he tightened his grip on Luke's hand as she continued examining it.

"What makes her so qualified to take care of you?" Bobby seemed a little confused.

"I want to be a nurse," she grabbed a bandage from the kit, "and plus, he trusts me."

"Ow!" he yelped. "Stop touching it."

"I have to see how bad it is. I'm done anyways. Get up."

He stood on his two feet as she wrapped his wound carefully.

"What happened?" she asked, continuing.

"Dad."

"You need to stop letting him push you around."

"Easy for you to say."

“Yes, it is. He used to try and get me to be his little apprentice but I don’t listen to his bullshit.”

“Whatever, he would never hit you like this.”

“True, but you still need to stand up for yourself” she rips a piece of tape with her teeth and encloses the wrapped bandage.

“Ok, can we get to practice now?” Alexs says, pushing Madeline out of the garage. 

“You’re welcome.” Madeline yells through the shut doors. They could hear her loudly groan before stomping away.

"Here put this on." Luke insisted handing over the pink sweatshirt that he took off earlier.

"So no one is going to address the elephant in the room now that Madi's gone?"

"Elephant? There's an elephant?" Reggie looked around.

"No you idiot, them dating. I didn't want to say anything else about it while Madi was here."

"Oh, I already knew. Madi knows too."

"What?!" Bobby angrily turns to Luke and Alex.

"Woah there, calm down. We can't afford for Alex to take another hit." Luke pushes him away from his boyfriend.

"I just don't understand why I couldn't know."

"They both caught us, we didn't tell them."

"Doing what?"

"Holding hands." Luke says sarcastically.

"Oh ok, but how does hand holding give that away?"

"How did you even miss the atomic level of sarcasticness that came from that statement? Obviously we were getting heated." Alex slowly sat on the couch trying not to put pressure on his bandaged bruise.

"Yeah it does get a little humid in here." 

"Jesus it's like talking to a wall, ok so, me, Luke, kiss." Alex brushed his hair out of his face.

"Ohhhhhh." Bobby picked up his guitar.

"You guys are such idiots." Alex said handing Luke a guitar pick that rested beside him.

He watched them as they played because Luke didn't want to make the wound worse. He grabbed Luke's notebook and a pencil and began writing his thoughts in the form of a song. He hummed what he thought the melody would sound like if they played the music together and for once, the song he was writing didn't seem bad. 

Luke usually didn't let anyone touch his notebook, and Alex didn't think he was an acception until he had possession over the book for more than a few minutes without Luke snatching it from his hands. He even began to flip through it.

There were songs about everything under the sun about small things Luke had mentioned in their many, many conversations. Every song was full of happy, until he flipped to one song titled 'My Interpretation of Me.' It was about Luke struggling to find himself in a sea of boys who just simply were opposite to him. He wrote about there being a light in a tunnel of darkness that showed him it was okay to be different.

'Am I the light?' Alex thought as the sound of his bandmates experimenting with chords flooded his mind.

"Whatcha doin?" Luke asked nearly scaring the shit out of Alex.

"N-nothing," he slammed the book shut.

"Alex, it's okay. You can look through it, there's nothing important in there anyways."

"Ooh can I look through it?" Reggie stepped foreward.

"Hahahahahahaha, no." his smile dropped stopping him from moving any closer.

"Oh come on." Reggie frowned.

"Sorry bro, I don't trust you. Well at least not as much as I trust him." Luke smiled at Alex.

"I could get used to this." Alex blushed.

"Get used to what?" Bobby collapsed onto the empty space of the couch.

"Being Luke's favorite."

"Okay, let's be honest. You were always my favorite." Luke winked.


	8. Chapter 7

Luke always wrote his songs on the hill overlooking the beach. How could he not, it was sinfully close to the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. His parents weren't too fond of the idea, but he was sixteen now and able to drive, so they didn't argue with him over the safety of it and just allowed him to go. He did his best thinking there and let his mind wander wherever it desired to go. He hadn't been there in a long time, but when he presented the idea to Alex that they spend a few hours there together, the blonde didn't oppose. Luke borrowed his dad's truck early one morning, still dark outside, leaving a note on the kitchen counter to where he had taken it and went to pick up Alex. Alex had told him to turn off his headlights before pulling in to his driveway to prevent his family from waking up and getting cranky. When he climbed in to the large vehicle, he leaned over the space between them to peck Luke's lips and buckled his seatbelt. Luke put the vehicle in gear and backed up out of the driveway. The fuel was already getting empty when he started their little escapade, and he wrote on the note he had left that he would pay for a tank of gas to repay his parents, so he took a little detour and stopped at the gas station.

"Wait here." he told Alex before he ran inside the convenience store that was feet away from where they were parked. He came out minutes later with a bag full of stuff. Before hopping back into the truck, he placed the gas pipe back in place.

"Ooh what'd you get?" 

"Wouldn't you like to know." he took a long pause waiting for a reaction from Alex but all he was getting was a hint of awkwardness, "sorry I just heard that in a movie."

He handed Alex a coke, a bag of barbecue chips, and a small package of m&m's

"How much was all of this?" Alex says pulling out his wallet.

"No. I take you out, I pay. And plus, I owe you one for letting me stay at your house so many times this past month." Luke said making Alex smile nearly like a five-year-old at him unscrewing the cap of the coke and sipping the familiar sweetness he hasn't tasted since middle school. (His father wasn't too big on sweets.) 

"Did you notice the girls looking at you?" Alex says pointing beyond Luke's face to the car next to them. Luke takes out his snacks from the bag looking out the window seeing two girls waving at him with blushed cheeks.

"Ew." he scoffed putting the car in gear making Alex giggle. Luke hesitated at first, but eventually reached over resting his hand on Alex's thigh. The drummer looked over for a moment making Luke lose all confidence and slither his hand away in defeat. No time passed before Alex grabbed his hand and placed it back into the same position.

"Your cheeks are a little red there, Luke." Alex smiled smugly.

"Shut up." he turned onto the highway shaking his head. They enjoyed their food on their trip up the mountain and sang to the music on the radio until they almost lost their voices. Luke parked the car on the side of the road just as the sun was beginning to show itself over the horizon. He stepped out breathing the fresh air able to see the whole city of Los Angeles.

"Holy shit." Alex was in awe. "You write your songs here? No wonder they're so good."

"Yeah, my dad took me here when I was about twelve and I never really stopped coming." they sat on a patch of grass. Luke couldn't contain his smile seeing Alex's face in the new light of the sun. He didn't really know what to say. After all his years of nonstop babbling, he was starstruck seeing Alex in all the purity that he was. He leaned down resting his head on Alex's lap earning back his attention. Alex's ran his hands through Luke's hair, feeling electricity between them. Luke let out small whimpers at the touch of his lover's long fingers, and for what felt like decades, his mind debated on letting out three words that would change them forever. He wants to just tell Alex what he's feeling, but he can't. Does he not feel the same way? Luke didn't know. He sighed and looked to his right at the sunrise.

"Check your songbook." Alex bit his lip nervously. Luke gave him a surprised look beginning to flip through. He turned to the last filled page and saw the familiar and neat handwriting that he had only seen a few times before. He read the lyrics slowly.

"You wrote this?"

"Well yeah." he shrugged.

"This is amazing. We could add a beat to it and make it faster to fit the band style and this could be our opening song."

"Really? You're not just saying that?"

"No. Listen. 'Take off, last stop, countdown til we blast open the top.'" he changed some of the words to make it sound more rock like.

"Yeah and then it could go, 'face first, full charge.' instead of making it a slow, sappy thing." Luke smiled trailing his fingers behind Alex's neck pulling him down to him. They lingered there for a moment grazing each other's lips and breathing each other's air. Alex finally leant forward meeting Luke's passionate kiss. With every slide of their mouths, Luke could feel Alex's pulse racing. Alex pulled away smiling. "We should go before we're gone too long."

"Yeah, okay." he got up reaching his hands out to help Alex up. On the ride home, Alex fell asleep leaning his head on the window. Luke turned down the music and let him sleep since he dragged him out of the house so early. There were more cars on the highway driving back now that the time read 9:52. Had they really been out for almost five hours? When he pulled into Alex's driveway, he shook Alex's leg making the blonde's eyes open.

"Hey sleepy, you're home." 

"I don't want to go." Alex groaned leaning his head back against the seat.

"I know." he caressed the soft skin on his face.

Alex groaned pushing the door open and grabbing his jacket. When he walked into his house, it was quiet and dark with most of the curtains closed. Madeline was in her usual spot on the couch watching her morning show. He put his finger over his lips telling her to be quiet. He tiptoed up the stairs and back into his room. He flopped onto his comforting bed and went back to sleep hoping that his dreams would be as good as this morning.

When Luke stepped inside his house, it was a completely different story. Emily sat on the couch with her legs crossed, note in hand.

"Since when do you leave the house without telling us first?"

"I left a note."

"That isn't good enough, Luke. You usually tell us the night before when you go to the pier, why didn't you last night."

"It was a last minute decision. It won't happen again."

"You went by yourself?"

"Yes."

"I know when you're lying, and your lips are swollen."

"Fine, I went with a girl, but I didn't want to tell you because... well because I didn't want you to smother."

"Luke what is going on with you? You spend weeks at a time at Alex's house, you pass through here maybe once a day to get something from your room, and then all of a sudden you sneak out to hook up with some girl? This isn't like you."

"I know, and I wish I could explain. It's just complicated."

"Yes, but I'm your mother," she straightened his jacket, "I just want to know what's going on with you. Just tell me."

"You're gonna hate me if I tell you." tears welled in his eyes.

"I could never hate you." she wrapped her arms around her son supportively, "You can tell me anything."

"Alex-" he began, breath hitching. "he's... I can't." tears stream down his face.

"Whatever it is, just take a deep breath and take your time."

After a few moments of collecting himself, he leaned down and rested his head on her shoulder continuing to cry. "He's the girl." he muffled into her tear stained sweater.

"What?"

"Alex, he's the girl."

"What do you mean?" she could see the complete sorrow on her son's face, but she wasn't understanding what he was trying to say. She could fully see how important whatever this news was, meant to him. She led him over to the couch and sat him down. She sat next to him and tried her best to comfort him.

"He's my," he couldn't say it. He hasn't said it yet since they started dating. His body trembled thinking of using the word.

"It's okay, Luke." this was the most nervous she's ever seen him. She wiped the tears from his cheeks and hoped that it would give him some confidence to say what he needed to say.

"Boyfriend." he finally let it out. "He's my boyfriend a-and I don't want you to think anything different of me, because I'm still the same person I was a second ago, now it's just out in the open."

She cup's his face, "No." she laughs, "You're no different. And I'm sorry that I made you feel that you needed to keep this a secret."

"It's not that I thought you wouldn't accept it, I just wanted him to be here with me to tell you guys."

"You can have him over when we tell your dad." she smiled with a small tear now streaming down her face.

"Mom, please don't cry."

"I can't help it, I'm proud of you."

"I'm still allowed to have sleepovers with him though, right?"

"I don't know, once we tell dad I'll talk to him about it. But I don't want there to be any sort of-"

"I get it. And for the record, I like girls too, I just happen to be with a guy right now."

"And that's totally okay, but you're dad is pissed about the truck so he's definitely going to ground you atleast for a little while."

"Where is he?"

"He went to the store in the car."

"Do you think he'll accept it?"

"I think it'll be hard for him to understand at first. And I think he'll be overprotective every time Alex comes over for a while, but he'll come around. You know, he always was ready to have 'the talk' with you. He made a whole speech about how 'girls are hard to resist' and all that when you were, god I don't even know how young. He was ready to meet your first girlfriend. It's going to be a learning experience for all three of us."

"What about extended family?" he rests his crossed legs over hers.

"Well sweetie, you can tell whoever you want. Just not gram, I don't need another speech on letting you wear pink to thanksgiving when you were seven."

"What?"

"You wanted to wear this pink bracelet that was in my jewelry drawer, and we didn't have time so I let you wear it to keep you from having a tantrum. She did not appreciate it." they both laughed. "But enough about that, tell me about you and Alex."

"Well, we've been dating for a little over a month now."

"And?" she asked making him laugh again.

"And... I think maybe I'm falling in love with him, but I have no idea how to tell him. Today was the first time I even called him my boyfriend. I was going to say it this morning, but I didn't because I didn't want to ruin the date."

"You'll know when the time is right. It took me forever to say it to my first boyfriend. We were walking through the park, and it was so hot outside and I didn't have a lot of water that day. I ended up passing out and he was there when I woke up a few seconds later, and I just told him."

"Yeah, I've already passed out in his arms," Emily looked concerned for a moment, "not that kind off pass out. I fell asleep in his arms in the garage and he carried me up to his room because I was too tired."

"Really? He always struck me as the soft and gentle tree hugger type."

"That's exactly what I said!" Luke laughs.

"I'm glad you told me." she takes his hand.

"Yeah, me too."

"Tell her what?" Mitch walks in the door with a handful of groceries.

"That he's sorry for taking the truck this morning."

"He better be, hauling groceries in your car is hell."

"Dad, I know I didn't ask last night, but I really didn't think it was that big of a deal."

"I'm sorry Luke, but I can't let this slide. You're grounded for the next week. And please ask next time."

"Okay." Luke's glare fell to look down at the tile floor. He knows he should have asked instead of being sneaky, but he wasn't going to be able to see Alex for a while, and that made him shudder at the thought.


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ ‼‼‼‼‼‼  
> so... this chapter does contain a bit of smut. I feel like it is the right decision to keep this story as realistic as possible, because I know couple's be doin that kind of stuff especially if they've been dating for a while. And I know that ao3 is something that not many young people will find, but I wanted to put a warning on here just in case it would trigger someone who read it. Also, thank you so so much for all the kudos and comments I've been getting, it truly brightens up my day.

For the next few days, Luke was so bored. He went to school, and came home. That was it. He couldn't hang out with the band, and most importantly, he couldn't hang out with Alex. He only saw him at school a few times a day, and of course at lunch, but he hadn't been able to spend any alone time with him, so things started to catch up to him late at night when he thought of Alex's body overtaking his own. It was almost unbearable not to get worked up over the thought of Alex pushing him against the wall and having his way with him, so he let his mind take control every night he was without him and gave in to the thought of his hand being replaced with Alex's as he got himself off.

One of the last days that he would be grounded, it went by just like the others. He woke up with a groan and got dressed before going downstairs to scarf down the breakfast his mom had made him. He pedaled on his bike to school where he was greeted by Bobby with a fist bump. He had his arm wrapped around a random girl once again.

"What's it like not being grounded as a sixteen year old?" Bobby joked as Luke passed by.

"I don't know, what's it like being a man whore?" Luke turned around laughing. He bumped into a couple that was making out on the steps. "Oh, uhm, sorry."

"Watch where your going." the girl pushed him away continuing. No one judged them. He wished that Alex could kiss him like that infront of everyone without any weird glares, but it wasn't a normal thing. Normal. He wished he could be normal.

"Meet me in the c hall bathroom during 6th?" the taunting voice of his boyfriend said behind him.

"Sure." he scratched the back of his head. Looking around, there was a lot going on. It was loud and crowded, and it felt like everyone was staring at him even though he knew deep down that they weren't. Now that him and Alex were getting a little more heated, he had an awful pain in his stomach that everyone around him knew what was going on between them.

"You good man? You look a little pale." Reggie asked.

"Yep, totally fine." Reggie patted him on the back and walked down the halls to his next class without a second thought. He knew Luke wasn't the type to not tell his bandmates what was going on if it was important, so Reggie just assumed it wasn't, but Luke wasn't who he was a couple months ago. He would have never admitted to anyone how he felt about guys in the past, or almost miss a gig making out with someone, he was a completely different person. What if he had changed so much that Alex didn't like him anymore. He never thought about things that mattered, but now he couldn't get the thought of Alex breaking up over this out of his head.

He sat through his long classes until sixth period. "Mr. Dehaan, can I go to the bathroom?"

"Can you hold it? I'm in the middle of a lecture." 

"No, it's uh, an emergency." he cringed.

"Take the pass, and be back in the next two minutes." he tapped his watch. Luke nodded taking the pass and walking out into the hall. 

He saw Alex leaning against the wall when he walked in. "Are you breaking up with me?" he asked plain and simple.

"No, of course not." Luke let out a sigh of relief. "Are you?"

"No." he reached behind him locking the door. "But I have to go back soon, so whatever you asked me to come here for, we better hurry."

"Maybe I just wanted to see you." Alex wrapped his arm around Luke's back pulling him close.

"Well here I am." Luke chuckled reaching to Alex's lips on his tippy toes. Alex melted into the kiss leaning against the wall. This wasn't their first choice for this kind of occasion, but it was all they could work with. A skinny, nerdy, curly haired boy emerged from one of the stalls behind them. He looked at them for a moment in shock.

"Get the fuck out." Luke said with Alex's arms still around his body. The boy quickly made his way to the door. "You tell anyone about this and I'll beat the shit out of you."

"Luke! You can't just say that."

"Do you want your parents finding out about us or what?" He looked back over to the confused boy, "shoo." and with that he was gone. Luke could see the panic in Alex's face.

"What if he does tell someone? Then it'll get around to the whole school and my dad will kill me."

"I won't let that happen, he seemed too scared and shocked to say anything."

"But what if he does."

"He won't." Luke assured him. "I have to get back to class. Let's resume this later."

"When?"

"Let's just say I leave my window open tonight accidentally."

"Alright, and I'll walk around the neighborhood tonight and somehow wind up at your house."

"I'll see you then." Luke gave him one last kiss before heading back to class.

"Luke. It's been ten minutes." 

"Sorry, I uh went to c hall. The bathrooms here suck."

"We're on page 394." he continued instructing the class.

"Dude." Luke turned to the guy that sat next to him, "I heard that you've been fucking Janice Cohen between classes. And let me just say, congratulations."

"What happens in the bathrooms, stay in the bathrooms." he laughed continuing his work. He had been so sloppy at keeping this all a secret, and everyone around him was still clueless.

He sat at his desk waiting for his parents to go to sleep throwing and catching his Rubik's cube that he received as a gift for Christmas a few years prior from his uncle that thought it was a better alternative for him than playing shows with the band. He smiled at the memory of his uncle being so proud of his gift giving skills. Luke never even tried to solve it once, it was still in it's original order.

"We're going to bed, don't stay up too late love bug."

"Mom, I told you to stop calling me that." he spun in his desk chair.

"Sorry." she kissed him on the top of his head, "and take a shower tomorrow."

"Night." he called as she shut the door. He waited for almost two hours until he finally accepted that Alex wasn't coming and just got ready for bed. He went into the hall to head to the bathroom and saw a family from across the street. It was almost pitch black outside and their light was on so he could see perfectly what they were doing. He felt like a stalker, but seeing them cuddle up to each other as they watched a movie made him smile to himself. He grabbed his toothbrush from the bathroom and scrubbed his teeth for two whole minutes as he remained watching them. They looked like the perfect family, no fights, no secrets, no lies. Just perfect. He spit into the sink and turned off the light heading to his room. He threw his shirt to the corner of his room plopping himself onto his bed. He laid back sighing. He unbuttoned his jeans and slid them off throwing them in the same direction as the shirt. Now he was only in his underwear, laying on his made bed, ready to go to sleep. He looked over to the window above his bed longingly, hoping that Alex would be there. He finally closed the blinds and curtains undoing his bed and climbing into his bed getting comfortable.

A noise sounded behind him waking him up. His clock read 2:26. The sound was at the window again. He peeked out looking down into the yard to a tall boy smiling at him in the grass below. Luke rolled his eyes dramatically opening the window.

"Do you know what time it is." he half yelled half whispered.

"I'm sorry, my dad stayed up really late tonight. Can I still come up?"

"Fine, do you need a hand?" 

"No I got it." he started climbing onto the window from the first floor.

"Just be quiet, my parents are light sleepers." he looked behind him at his door to make sure it was shut. Alex reached out his hand for help. Luke grasped it and pulled him inside making them both fall back onto his bed laughing.

"I'm a little overdressed." Alex said looking Luke up and down.

"Well I waited for you, and you know I get tired early." Alex sat on his desk chair.

"I ran from all the way on the other side of the neighborhood, and it's a lot bigger on foot than in a car."

"I run it everyday for my workout."

"Well I don't run. Man, you being grounded sucks."

"Did you just call me man?"

"Sorry, I just-"

"I'm kidding." Luke said making Alex smile.

"Okay, because I know you would hate it if I started calling you babe and stuff."

"Not really, Amy used to call me babe and baby."

"Yeah, and you didn't like her."

"Good point. But I wouldn't care if you called me that because I actually like you."

"Are you sure? I feel like you're setting me up."

"Yes," he grabbed Alex's hand.

"I didn't want to tell you this at first," Alex smiles. "Never mind."

"No, tell me."

"I always wanted you to call me babe, but I never asked you because I knew that Amy called you that and I didn't want to bring up bad memories."

"Okay, we can start calling each other that, but I can't guarantee that I'll use it all the time."

"Oh, please don't. Just use it sometimes. I like it but using it too much gets annoying." he says making Luke laugh. Alex has never seen such a cute laugh in all his life. He reaches up to touch Luke's face.

"So I believe we were interrupted earlier." Luke smirks.

"Ah yes, we were."

"So what should we do?" Luke trailed off. Alex wasted no time before he was off the chair and climbing closer to him from the foot of the bed to attack Luke's lips. Luke flopped back onto his ruffled covers pulling Alex with him. Their lips moved in sync creating a rhythm. Alex left a trail of kisses down to Luke's neck. Luke had never received a hickey, and Alex had never given one, but they sure as hell weren't going to stop now. Alex sucked on his neck making Luke tilt his head back.

"Alex-" Luke let out a breathy moan feeling his hands on his stomach. When the blonde pulled away, he marveled over the dark purple mark that was forming on his boyfriend's neck.

"People are going to start to suspect something."

"They already think I'm fucking Janice Cohen, they'll just think it was her." he smiled pulling Alex back down to him, his erection clearly showing through his underwear. Alex was starting to get nervous. He had never been this intimate with anyone, the last thing he wanted was for his body to lead his actions rather than his heart ruining the whole experience for the both of them. Luke could tell that he was more tense than usual.

"Are you okay?" he asked pulling away.

"Yeah, no I'm fine."

"Are you sure, you're not as into it as usual. Do you not want to?"

"No I do, I really do. Just maybe not all the way. I've just never done this, and you have, and I don't want to embarrass myself."

"Woah, I've never done this either. And I'm definitely not ready to go all the way yet, no offense."

"None taken, but didn't you and Amy do stuff."

"No, I told you we never did anything."

"I thought you were lying."

"I lie to everyone else," he pecks his lips, "not to you."

Alex pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it to the floor. Pushing his hair back, he's met with Luke's lips once more. Luke grasps his wrists that connect to the hands that push him further into the bed. Luke and Alex both occasionally let out a whimper making the other go absolutely insane. With their tongues pressed together, and Luke's fingers filed into Alex's hair, he feels Alex's long fingers at the hem of his boxers asking for permission. He pulls away nodding sitting up on his elbows. Alex slowly pulls back the fabric revealing Luke's cut 6 inch dick. He helped by lifting his hips letting his boyfriend slide them down his legs. Luke playfully bites at his boyfriend's shoulder before resting his forehead there patiently waiting for Alex to give him some sort of relief. The drummer takes one last gulp pushing his nerves deep down trying to be more confident wrapping his hand around Luke's cock making him shudder beneath him, he realizes the power he holds in this situation. The blonde strokes his hand slowly twisting at the tip the way he would if he was doing this to himself. A small bead of precum forming at the head gets Alex's attention. He circles his thumb there hearing Luke's gentle and breathy moans in his hear.

"You don't even know what you do to me." Luke whispers leaning back on his hands as Alex continues stroking him. He leans down to the other side of Luke's neck leaving small kisses as his hand moves on his cock. Luke grips the sheets showing his boyfriend how needy he really is. Wanting attention, Alex palms himself through his jeans at the sight of Luke falling apart beside him. The brunette boy notices him trying to give himself pleasure and reaches his hand over taking his place. Biting his lip, he unzips Alex's tight jeans scooting over, making room for him lay down. Alex rips his underwear off along with his jeans and rests them at the floor underneath them. Luke cleared his throat seeing how big Alex was.

"H-how, um-" he stuttered not even able to finish his sentence.

"Oh, ha, about 8 and-"

"And? There's more?" Alex shrugged like it was nothing. Luke's jaw dropped open. (see what I did there hehe)

"What, is that a lot?"

"Uh yeah. You clearly don't hear, but the longest I've heard someone brag about is 7 and a half."

"And who was that?"

"Jake Normanelly."

"No shit, I had the hugest crush on him in the eighth grade."

"Yeah, well I bet he'd have a crush on you if he was sitting here right now. I mean seriously, don't you ever brag about it?"

"No," he laughed laying next to Luke, "why would I brag about that when I can brag about you."

Luke smiled, "That was smooth, I'll give you that." He gave him a peppered kiss reaching down to his boyfriend's erection. Luke rested his head on Alex's shoulder pumping him at the same pace that Alex was. His breath got heavy when Alex circled his thumb at the top again.

"Fuck- you're gonna kill me if you keep doing that." his hot breath spoke into Alex's warm skin. And of course, Alex kept doing it. Luke was determined to find out what drove Alex just as crazy. He kept trying different things that would give him a reaction, but not quite what he was looking for. Then, he pushed all the skin to the base and waited for a second before moving his hand fast for a few strokes and then slow again. That was it. Alex could feel his eyes roll into the back of his head and his neck muscles give out letting out a loud groan.

"Shh, my parents are asleep, remember?"

"Sorry, but w-when did you learn how to do that."

"It works when I do it to myself." he smirked doing it again. Luke could feel a small pool begin to form in his lower stomach as Alex continued on his cock. He wanted this moment to last forever, just them being them. And he couldn't finish now, he had just started working on Alex. He tried his best to hold it in for as long as possible. He started to move his hand faster on Alex's cock staying silent even though all he wanted to do was show Alex how he made him feel. Luke started panting feeling Alex's hand stroking him fast and hard trying to get him to finish, and it was working.

"Alex, shit, I can't-" he grunted.

"I know, I'm close too. J-just keep going." Alex licked his lips focusing on making Luke feel good. He was the first to release with a deep exhale digging his head into the pillow behind him. Luke let go, sitting up on his elbows holding it in for a few more seconds. His breath hitched as he bucked his hips into Alex's hand, eyesight a bit blurry as he came. He slouched into his lover's arms once he had fully ridden out his orgasm. Alex reached onto the night stand wiping his hand and body cleaning himself. He looked over to Luke that was falling asleep next to him, taking his hand and doing the same. He threw the tissue at the trash can across the room. Luke rested his bare leg on top of Alex's body stopping him from getting up, and resting his head on his chest.

"I have to go." he kissed his sweaty hair.

"No." Luke whined. That was all he needed, Alex gave in and covered them both with Luke's blanket.

"Night." he nudged his head closer to Luke's. 

Shortly after, Luke's breath became steady and he could hear his snores. Alex worked his way out of his grasp grabbing his underwear from the floor and stepping into them. He froze when Luke turned over making sure he didn't wake him. His jeans were harder to get on quietly, but he made it work. He searched for his shirt in the darkness. There were so many shirts laying around. He grabbed a random one hoping it was right, sticking his head through the hole followed by his arms in the other two. His shoes were waiting for him at his feet. Slipping them on, he leaned onto the bed looking at his resting boy pushing the hair out of his face.

"I love you." he whispered kissing his cheek. He carefully stepped over him and opened the window stepping out one foot at a time. Closing the window and sitting on the roof, he smiled to himself before jumping down to ground level. For the rest of the night, the thought of Luke kept creeping up on him making him blush.

"Luke, honey time to get up." Emily knocked at his door later that very same morning. He sighed still groggy from staying up too late.

"Alex it's time to-" he saw that he was alone, still naked, "get up." he finished his sentence laying back in the same position. Today was going to be a great day.


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayo 🔊 there 🔊 is 🔊 homophobic 🔊 language 🔊

"Morning." Emily said flipping a pancake.

"This is new." Luke smiled.

"So is you wearing a hoodie." she pinched his cheek.

"It's getting cold outside." he lied straight through his teeth. It was only to cover the dark skin on his neck that was given to him last night.

"Yeah well, you're ungrounded today and I thought I would make you something special."

"Is there enough for Alex?" he asked plopping next to Mitch at the breakfast table.

"I don't see why not." she smiled pouring more batter onto the pan and placing a plate in front of Luke.

"Why is he always here?" Mitch puts the newspaper he was reading onto the table.

"He's my best friend." Luke shrugged taking a bite. Emily gave him a sentimental look. He didn't like keeping this from his father, but he really needed Alex there this time. He anxiously bounced his knee waiting for him to show up. The three of them looked to the door when there was a knock at it.

"He's here already?" she asked. Luke rushed to the door with a smile on his face. He opened the door pulling away from the path of Alex's lips.

"What?" Alex looked confused. Luke told Alex that he came out to his mom, so what was the problem with sharing a chaste kiss in front of her. Setting his backpack down, he sees her at the stove beyond the kitchen entryway.

"My dad." he choked stepping out of the way to let him in. "I was actually waiting for you to be able to come over so I could tell him."

"Do you want to tell him now?" he asked. Luke's mind wandered thinking of all the pros and cons. He nodded taking Alex's hand and leading him to the kitchen. His mom was supportive, so why wouldn't his dad be?

"Morning Mrs. Patterson." he smiled sitting next to Luke.

"Hey sweetie. Are you hungry I have extra pancakes." she said trying not to make her son seem too desperate for specifically asking her to make more.

"I could eat."

"Hey, dad." Luke got his attention. "There's something that Alex and I want you to know."

"Do you guys need a ride to school?" he asked sipping his coffee.

No that's not- well yes, but that's not it."

"What is it?" Luke looked to Emily for support, but she knew it would be better for him to hear coming from his own son rather than a messenger.

"I'm dating Alex." he grasped his boyfriend's hand. Mitch looked up at Luke, then to Alex, then back to Luke. Emily wrapped her arms around Luke from behind giving him a tight hug and kissed him on the cheek.

"My brave boy." she ruffled up his hair.

"You knew?" Mitch asked making Luke's stomach turn in fear.

"He told me after he went to the pier."

"Luke," Mitch sighed, "you could have told me. It's not my first choice, but I still love you."

Luke rested his head on Alex's shoulder receiving a quick kiss on the forehead from him.

"Eat up boys, school in twenty." she set another plate in front of Alex.

"So, am I the last one to know?" Mitch asked taking another sip of coffee.

"No, my parents have no idea." Alex shoved pancakes into his mouth.

"Just letting you know, if you break my son's heart, I will fucking kill you." everyone froze in shock.

"Dad!" Luke interjected.

"What? Isn't that what dads are supposed to say to their kids' boyfriends?"

"No." he looked over to Alex.

"Nothing to worry about sir." the blonde gulped thickly. Luke propped his hood up to cover his neck more efficiently. 

"You know what, I think we're going to walk today." Luke placed his dish in the sink.

"Are you sure, I can drive you once I finish my coffee."

"Yeah, it'll give us time to catch up since we didn't see each other all week."

"Okay well, Alex it's always nice to have you over." 

"Thank you Mrs. Patterson, thanks for the breakfast."

"Oh sweetie, you can call me Emily." she smiled handing Luke his backpack. "Be safe!" she called as they closed the door behind themselves.

"How does it look?" Alex motioned to his neck. Luke pulled down the hood showing his boyfriend his dark purple neck that looked even worse than last night. Alex cringed at the sight. "I'm so sorry."

"It's worth it, and at least it felt good when you were giving it to me." he smiled interlocking his fingers with Alex's continuing to walk to school. They made sure to take the long way to school to avoid passing Alex's house. They walked hand in hand talking about what Luke missed at rehearsals since they weren't doing much talking last night. When they were able to see students on the campus, Luke let go of Alex's hand and fit it into his own pocket.

"What's up lovers." Reggie slung his arms around their shoulders.

"Can you say that louder, I didn't think the entire school heard." Luke rolled his eyes.

"What's with the hoodie?"

"I just wanted to wear one." he nervously laughed gipping his backpack strap. 

"Woah are you wearing a hoodie?" Bobby joined them. Luke rolled his eyes and sped up his steps leaving the group. If this is what it was going to be like all day, he can forget letting anyone give him a hickey ever again.

"Can you lay off of him? He just came out to his dad this morning." Alex asked watching Luke frantically burst through the main doors of the school.

"How'd it go?" Reggie asked.

"Well, Mitch seemed fine with it, but he's worried that he'll be uncomfortable with us actually doing couple stuff."

"Like what?" Bobby seemed weirded out as well.

"Not like, making out or anything, just being able to be us around him."

"Oh okay, because when you said that my mind wandered to places I never knew it could go." Bobby shivered getting the images of them out of his brain. Alex rolled his eyes and tried to catch up with Luke before class, but when he got to Luke's locker, he was already gone and off to first period. He sighed and made his way to his locker which was in a completely different hall. He spotted Janice Cohen looking at him from down the hall like she was going to kill him. He tried to ignore her while he was there, but then he noticed she was walking straight toward him.

"Tell your buddy Luke that I'm lookin' for him." she kicked his shin turning the corner. Janice was the type of girl that no one wanted to mess with unless it was sexual. She dyed her hair every few weeks, pierced everything on her body that she was legally allowed to, wore chains and dark makeup, and walked around the halls like she owned the place. And now she was looking for Luke which meant either she wanted to beat him up, or hook up and both options made his stomach turn.

"Luke, could you take your hood down?" Mr. Todd asked. Luke knew that if people saw his neck, that they would start talking. Last night, he was too in the moment and didn't even think about what Janice would do if she found out that he kept the rumor going, especially by telling people that she was the one to give it to him. By the time he was ready to take his hood down just enough that people couldn't see the skin and for him not to get in trouble for ignoring his teacher, it was too late. One of the jocks pulled it off of his head making it fall down to his shoulders. 

"Shit-" he cursed under his breath as people started to notice.

"Someone had a really good night last night." the same guy that pulled his hood down piped behind him.

"Yeah well, she likes it rough so-" he tried to keep it together on the outside, but on the inside he was freaking the fuck out. He didn't even have to say her name for everyone to know who he was talking about. His mother preached treating women with respect, and here he was telling lies about someone he had never actually had a conversation with just to keep his secret. He felt like the biggest douche bag in the human race and just wanted to go back to last week and deny the rumors when they were first brought up, but now he was in deep shit and there was no way she didn't already know about them.

Luke's heart was racing as he sped down the halls trying to avoid Janice. He stopped at his locker, shoved the books he didn't need in, and took the ones he did need out.

"Hey Luke whatcha doin'" he heard her voice from behind his locker.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it." he repeated over and over getting backed up until he was shoved against the lockers.

"Yeah, I bet you didn't." she smirked catching the attention of the people standing by. A loud slap rings through his ears feeling a painful sting on his right cheek. "How about you tell everyone who really gave you that?"

"Can we talk about this later?"

"Fucking pussy." she pushes him into the lockers walking away getting cat called on her way out. She sticks her middle finger up in the air continuing down the hall.

He spots her in the courtyard after the final bell later that day. "I'll catch you later." he pats Alex on the shoulder. He grabs his hand before he can get too far.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yeah, I'm just gonna make sure she's ok." he smiles looking up into his eyes. All he wanted was to just lean foreword and kiss him in front of everyone, then they would get it.

"I'll call you later." he faked a smile turning over to the girl sitting alone in the grass. He sat down next to her slowly.

"What the fuck do you want."

"I wanted to apologize, for real."

"Look Patterson, I know you're sorry. But what you did was shitty."

"I know, but I can explain."

"Please do before I decide that I'll hate you forever."

"I'm with Alex, he gave me the hickey, and when people started the rumor that we were hooking up I jumped at it thinking that it would push off the idea that I had a boyfriend, at least while I'm in school."

"Bull shit."

"Not bull shit. He's not out to his parents and we didn't want the school to spread it to them and I know what I did was the worst but can you please forgive me."

"Oh my god, shut up. I forgive you. It's not like this hasn't happened before. It's just another day for me, but you are the first guy that has actually felt bad about it."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, and the thing is, I'm such a 'whore' that no one ever wants to do anything anyways so all of the accusations about me are all fake. People just go off of the way I dress and labeled me a slut."

"And that's exactly why we don't want to tell anyone."

"Because they'll label you as sluts?"

"No," he paused, "as fags."

"Oh, well your secret is safe with me."

"And I just want to say one last time that I am so sorry."

"It's cool." he gave her a questionable look, "Really, it is." she looked over his shoulder at Alex who was watching them like a hawk. "Looks like your boyfriend is getting a little lonely." she stood up slinging her backpack over her shoulder.

"Nah, he's just protective. Stay. I'll go." he jumped to his feet. "See you around." she nodded pulling out her notebook. "A-actually, we have a gig and it's small and we're supposed to invite friends and stuff. You can come if you want."

"Are you insisting that we're friends?"

"Acquaintances?"

"Why not?" she sighed "Where is it?"

"It's at that old rundown bar on Johnathan street. Saturday at seven."

"I'll be there."

Luke pivoted to face Alex waddling like a little happy duck.

"How'd it go?"

"I think we may have just found a new friend." he gave her one last glance before walking off with Alex.


	11. Chapter 10

"Luke." Alex tried to shake him awake.

"Hmm?" Luke mumbled into his chest still half asleep.

"We're gonna be late to the gig."

"Five more minutes." he tucked his head further into his neck.

"I know you're tired, but we have to go." he tried to pry himself from Luke's grip. Luke groaned and looked behind him at the alarm clock that read 5:26. He hadn't been able to get much sleep this week. He was having this reoccurring dream that he was being held back watching Alex's dad beat the shit out of his son and he couldn't do anything to help. Every night he would drift off to sleep for a good twenty minutes before the dream began. Even when he was awake, it played in the back of his head like a movie that just wouldn't end. He always jolted awake at the same part every time, Alex's bloody face looked over to him, but there was nothing. No emotion, no sign that Alex was there, just a face that looked like him.

"Don't ever leave me." he rested his head back where it belonged, in the comfort of Alex's slowly rising chest. He felt the warmth of the taller boy's strong arms pulling him closer.

"You're such a baby." Alex shook his head laughing.

"It was worth a try." Luke pressed a kiss to his lips. "Can I hop in the shower?"

Alex looked at the clock as well. "I don't see why not. Just don't be too long, we have to go in fifteen minutes."

"I'll be out in six!" he yelled from the other side of the door. Alex smiled to himself reaching for his shirt that laid on the ground. He slipped it over his head hearing the faint sound of rushing water.

He opened the door releasing steam into his room, "I'll be downstairs."

"Kay." Luke called hearing the door shut once again. Alex trotted down the steps expecting for the house to be empty, other than Madi of course. Much to his surprise, there his mother was, sitting on the couch reading a book.

"I thought you and dad were going out tonight." he said opening the fridge searching for something him and Luke could eat before they left.

"And I thought you were in the shower. Why is the water running?" she flipped the page unphased by his question.

"Luke needed a shower."

"I told you, Luke can't keep staying here every day and night. He has a home."

"I know, but we just like to hang out and he's been having a rough week."

"How so?" she sets her book down on the coffee table listening in.

"He keeps having this dream about his girlfriend getting beat up by her dad."

"Shit that's tough. You ever dream about your girlfriend like that?"

"I don't have a girlfriend." he laughed putting a frozen meal in the microwave.

"What about that Amanda girl?" she leans against the counter beside him.

"She's not my type." 

"Then what is 'your type'." she used finger quotes dramatically making him smile.

"Brunette, upbeat, caring, and definitely into music."

"Oddly specific for someone who doesn't have a girlfriend."

"There might be someone I'm talking to." the microwave beeped. He took out two separate plates making sure to place even portions on each.

"God you're so weird." Madi grabbed one of the plates.

"That's actually for me and-" she took a bite. "You are so dead." she set the plate down giggling as he chased her around the kitchen. He picked her up from around her waist stopping her from going any farther.

"Let me go!" she fought against him. He let go making her almost fall over.

"Careful, there's too much glass in this kitchen for you guys to be messing around like that."

"Sorry mom." he apologized seeing the small frame of Luke's body walking down the stairs. Alex popped another meal in the microwave and gave Luke the other plate that his sister didn't steal. When he sat down at the table he scraped some of the contents from his dish onto Luke's making sure they both had an equal amount.

"Hey Alex?" Madeline asks, "Can I come to your gig tonight?"

Alex looks over to Luke, "Not tonight, we'll be out too late."

"Please, I'll be so quiet you won't even know I'm there."

"Yeah Alex come on, your sister hasn't been to one of your gigs in forever." his mom chimes in.

"Fine, but just please don't invite any of your friends." he sighed taking another bite just in time before the doorbell rings.

"Too late, I might have already told Melissa that you would say yes."

"Are you kidding me? Mom?"

"Alex, be nice. You get to bring your friends, why can't she?" she laughed.

"I don't know, maybe because they're apart of the band and aren't annoying." he scoffed. Madi opened the door letting her friend in. Alex and Luke finish eating just in time to pick up the other guys. Luke borrowed his mom's van, but asked this time of course. A week in solitary confinement was too much for him. The girls piled in the very back and Alex sat next to Luke in the passengers seat leaving two seats for their other band mates. Luke reached his hand over to Alex's knee resting it there not caring if they were watching. When they pulled up to Bobby's house, both of them were waiting there with their guitars at the end of the driveway. They climbed in noticing two extra people that they hadn't expected to see.

"What the fuck?" Bobby asked getting slapped on the shoulder by Reggie.

"My mom made us bring them, if it was up to me they would be at my house right now." Alex said as Luke turned onto the main road again. Soon enough they arrived to the bar and the parking lot was packed.

"Holy shit you're playing here?" Madi asked with her jaw dropped to the floor.

"Yeah Luke, I thought it was a small gig." Reggie said nervously.

"I did too, but it's ok." he noticed Alex's face lost it's color, "Alex, it's ok."

"That's a lot of people."

"I know, but hey, I'm here." he kissed him on the cheek putting the car in park.

"I'll explain later." Madi told her friend who looked to her with a confused face.

"You guys ready?" The six of them worked together to get Alex's drums and the rest of the equipment set up. They sat the girls at a table and instructed them to stay there until they finished. 

"You guys are going to kill it tonight." a girl tapped Luke on the shoulder.

"Thanks Janice I-" he turned around, "Amy?"

"That's right." she smirked.

"What are you doing here?"

"Amanda wanted to come." she raised her eyebrows, "And plus I wanted to scope out the competition." she nodded over to where Janice was sitting.

"There is no competition. We aren't a thing."

"Tell that to the hickey on your neck."

"Maybe we should just sit down." Amanda consoled her friend practically dragging her out of the conversation and sitting her down at their table. He turned around, but Alex was missing.

"Where's Alex?" the group pointed to him rushing to the bathrooms. "Shit." He chased after him knocking on the locked door.

"Occupied." he could hear heavy breathing and grunts from inside.

"It's me." the door unlocks. "Are you okay?" he says shutting the door behind him.

"I just- feel like- I'm gonna be sick," he frantically shook his hands in a panic.

"Just breathe. You're okay." he pulled him into a hug wrapping his arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry." he cried letting all of his emotions out falling to the floor reaching for Luke's hands.

"Don't be, it's okay." Luke tries to hold back his tears from seeing him like this. Alex squeezes his hands gasping for air. His body trembled and his chest felt like an elephant was stepping on it.

"G-get Madi." he pleaded.

"I can't leave you."

"J-just please." he managed. All at once Luke let go of his shaking hands and was back in less than ten seconds with his sister.

"Hey Alex," she knelt down beside him grasping his hand, "I know it feels like you're dying but you're gonna get through this okay?" Luke took his other hand letting him rest in his lap. He pushed his hair out of his sweaty face.

"Remember the morning at the pier, and the sunrise?" Luke distracts him.

"Yeah," Madi nods, "and when grandma took us to the grand canyon last summer." Luke saw the calm in her face. How could she be so calm about this when Alex was still having trouble catching his breath. A tear trickled down Luke's face seeing Alex lose his shit.

"Lu- Luke." Alex pressed his hand to his chest in pain.

"I'm here." he pulled him closer.

"Luke what the fuck man! We go on in five minutes!" Bobby bangs on the door.

"I'll be out in a minute." he called back. Bobby could hear Alex panting through the door.

"Are you guys okay in there?"

"Jesus Bobby just give us a fucking minute!"

Alex eventually stopped crying right before they were supposed to go on. Luke asked one of the managers to switch their time a few rows back and explained why. The guy that owned the place was so nice and even gave Alex a free soda to help him calm down.

"You scared the shit out of me." Luke sat next to him rubbing his back.

"Nothing that hasn't happened before."

"What?"

"One time my dad found one of my magazines in my room. I freaked out and that happened. Madi knew what to do and she calmed me down pretty quickly."

"And you're dad?"

"I told him that it had good work out stuff in it, he believed me but forbade me from ever buying one again."

"Forbade?"

"Those are the words that were used." they both laughed. Luke's hand kept gently rubbing in circles on his back. Alex looked around, no one was paying attention to them, no one cared about anything that wasn't happening on the stage. Alex met Luke's gaze letting his eyes slowly flicker from his eyes to his lips and then back up again in an instant. He leaned in close feeling Luke's nose bush against his.

"Are you sure?" Luke didn't want to make him even more anxious than he already was. Alex nodded tilting his head capturing Luke in a kiss that felt like fireworks were going off behind them. Luke had never been in love, but he was sure that this was it.

"I love you." Luke said in a breathy voice, one that Alex had only heard the night that they were alone in his bedroom. "Shit. Was that too soon?"

"No," he laughed, "Not at all. I love you too." Luke reached forward touching the other boy's face. Alex wrapped his hand around Luke's wrist to keep his hand there as long as possible.

"Well that is just beautiful." they look over to see Amy standing side by side with Amanda. 

"Jesus it's like everywhere I go you're right there ready to ruin the moment."

"Maybe you shouldn't kiss people in public."

"Fuck you."

"Alex, are you really gonna let your housewife talk to me like this?"

"Amy don't be mean." Amanda unlinks her arm from her friend's. Luke had never had a conversation with Amanda, but right now she seemed pretty cool for standing up for them.

"Let's go." Alex says taking Luke's hand bringing them to the rest of their friends. Luke tried to ignore it, but while they waited for their set, he noticed Amy staring at them so intensely that it made his head hurt.

"Hey, is this seat taken?" Amanda points to a chair next to Reggie.

"No, all yours." Alex gestures to the chair. Their table was much bigger than they had expected it to be now that there was Alex, Luke, Reggie, Bobby, Madeline, her friend, Janice, and now Amanda all sitting together talking loudly. When it was almost time to go on, the boys vacated the table leaving the girls to all talk amongst themselves. When they were announced, they could hear loud screaming coming from their table. Luke started their first song with the riff that Alex had helped him come up with for 'Now or Never.' They only got to play four songs since the list of bands that signed up was so long and they had a change in the schedule.

"I say we go and get some ice cream." Reggie announces to the girls when they arrive back at the table. Before they could head out, there was a lady that looked like she had her face on a billboard walking up to them.

"That was truly amazing boys."

"Thank you so much, uh I'm Luke, this is Alex, Reggie, and Bobby." he pointed to each of his bandmates.

"Nice to meet you guys." she shook their hands individually. "I work with the managers of 'Boston' and we are looking for an opening band to play next month." the guys looked at each other with shocked expressions.

"That's awesome, where?"

"It's a small venue on Hollywood Boulevard called The Rainforest Cafe."

"T-that's great we would love to play there." 

"Good to hear." she smiles walking past them.

"Oh my fucking god, we're opening for Boston!" Reggie wrapped his arms around Amanda spinning her around excitedly before he realized what he was doing. He set her down in an instant turning away awkwardly. 

"Now this calls for some fucking ice cream." Bobby slings his arm around Reggie's shoulders. They pack the equipment back into the van as quickly and efficiently as possible loading in to drive to the closest ice cream parlor that was open. Luke turned up the radio all the way as they sped down the road. He pulled into the parking lot turning down the music as they all hopped out. They ordered their ice cream and surprisingly it didn't take that long. All eight of them sat at a picnic table trying to eat their ice cream before it melted. Luke looked over to the rest of the group while Alex was distracted and put his finger to his lips raising his ice cream cone in the air. 

"Hey Alex." he rested his head on his shoulder, "I think I'm getting tired."

"We're almost do-"

"Boom!" he shoved his ice cream cone into Alex's forehead running away from the table. 

"Really?!" he wiped the cold mess from his forehead getting up chasing after him as the other teens laughed. He threw what was left of his cone in Luke's direction missing him by a foot. Luke couldn't control his laughing as he was being chased. Alex picked him up and threw him over his shoulder walking him back to the table trying not to drop him as they both laughed like it was the funniest joke they had ever told.

"Put me down you psycho." he laughed. Alex safely placed him back on the ground still having his arms wrapped around Luke's waist. It felt like they were in a movie where it was socially acceptable for two boys to be close enough to breath each other's air while their friends were sitting twenty feet away. But they weren't everyone else in a movie. No. They were them. There was pure silence from the table that was bursting with laughter not even thirty seconds ago waiting for one of them to lean in and seal the other's lips in the brightness of the streetlamp. Alex smiled pulling him up and leaning down all in one motion, their lips meeting in the middle. There were quiet cheers and 'oohs' from the group when they rejoined them at the table.

"Wow Luke, I never knew it was possible to seduce someone in a parking lot next to a gas station." Bobby smirked licking his ice cream. 

"Yeah well," he picked up the dropped cone from the sidewalk, "there's a first for everything." he throws the contents of his hand right into Bobby's face.

"Oh yeah?" he takes the spoon from Janice's bowl and scoops a little bit from his cone before flinging it at Luke. Janice shoves her ice cream into his face laughing. The younger girls take the hint and start throwing their ice cream at one another too. Ice cream was being thrown in every direction imaginable. By the time they were ready to go home, all of them had melted ice cream on their clothes and hair.

"I love you guys." Reggie smiled hugging his three best friends. Luke motioned his hand for all of them to join.

"Shit guys, I have to get home." Amanda looked at the clock above the building they had just bought ice cream from. Most of them had fallen asleep on the ride home accept Luke. He stopped at Amanda's house first, knowing where it was from where he had dropped his ex-girlfriend off many times before. Madi directed him where to go to drop Melissa off. Then they were off to Bobby's to drop the other boys off.

"This was really fun." Reggie smacked his hand against Luke's in a high five following Bobby into his house. He only had to pull in a few feet to reach Alex's house. Madi jumped out of the car shutting the door behind her leaving the two of them there.

"Can you spend the night?" Alex asked when he woke up.

"I don't know."

"Come on, it's already half past twelve. I'm sure your parents are assuming you'll sleep over." Luke sighed putting the car in park and unbuckling his seatbelt.

"Hey sweetheart, how was it?" Alex's mom paused the tv. "Madeline just walked past me and ran upstairs."

"Yeah, it was good, but we're tired too so we're gonna go to bed." Alex headed for the stairs.

"Alex."

"Yes?"

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"I don't think so?"

"An extra blanket and pillow." she motioned to the closet at the foot of the stairs.

"Right," he sighed, "yeah, I would have come back down anyways because... Luke sleeps on the floor." he grabbed the supplies from the closet.

"Night. And make sure to keep it down, your father is asleep." she says as both boys rush up the stairs like they have somewhere to be. Alex's mom knew when he was lying, his right eyebrow always raised and his voice got shaky. She knew he was, but she trusted him enough to let him tell her in his own time if it was absolutely important. Alex threw the stuff in his arms on the ground once they were in his room.

"That was close." he scratched the back of his head and took his shirt off.

"You getting in the shower?"

"I probably should," Alex ruffled his hand through Luke's soft hair, "I don't think there's any ice cream in your hair but you can borrow some clothes from my drawer if you want."

"Why would I need to, we sleep in our underwear."

"Right." Alex pecked him on the lips before disappearing into the bathroom. Luke smiled to himself beginning to undress. He set up the decoy bed right below Alex's just in case they heard a knock at the door and burrowed himself into the covers. Not long after he had fallen asleep, the dream replayed in his mind. He jolted awake looking at Alex who was getting ready for bed on the other side of the room.

"I'm okay," Alex climbed into bed wrapping his arms around Luke, "nothing happened to me I'm okay." Luke felt a warm pair of lips on his shoulder followed by the wetness of his dirty blonde hair turning around to face the drummer. They laid there, face to face, gripping each other's hands like it was the end of the world. Eventually, Luke drifted off to sleep again in the comfort of Alex's arms. The taller boy pulled him closer, resting his chin on ton his head occasionally leaning down to kiss his hair until he too let sleep overtake him.


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another sexual content warning***

"Boys, get up it's time for church." Jan knocked at the locked door. Alex's eyes eased open, slowly regaining consciousness. The feeling of Luke's arms wrapped around him and his face resting on his chest made Alex smile. He ran his hands up and down Luke's bicep.

"We have to go to church." Alex sighed reaching over to his bedside table downing the rest of his water bottle from a few nights ago.

"I don't have clothes." Luke sat up reaching for his dirty shirt.

"You can wear mine." he shrugged opening his closet door and turning on the light making his eyes dilate. He tossed Luke a white button up and some dress pants receiving an annoyed look. "What? I think you'll look good in it."

"Keep dreaming." he tossed the clothes back into Alex's direction.

"You have to unless you want my mom to lecture you on what's appropriate to wear in 'god's house'." he threw the clothes more aggressively back at Luke searching for something he could wear himself.

"So if I remember correctly," Luke worked at the button on the dress pants, "last time I came with you, we were learning about the seven deadly sins. What is the lord going to inform us on this fine morn?" Luke stared into Alex's dreamy eyes raising an eyebrow and biting his lower lip.

"Well, for the past few weeks, we've been learning about the burdens of homosexuality. So I can only guess that we will be learning about that."

"Fun, do you think they'd need a demonstration?"

"I really don't think they do." Alex laughed digging for a pair of his nice shoes in the back of his closet. "Why the fuck does my dad keep moving my shit!" he groaned rushing out of his room. Luke followed him just in case anything serious were to happen. "Dad, where are my dress shoes?"

"I borrowed them." his father scoffed tying the shoes Alex was looking for on his own feet.

"I paid like a hundred dollars for those, so can I please have them back?"

"No." he laughed placing the other shoe on his foot. 

Sometimes, Alex just wanted to grab him by the neck and slam him against the wall. When he was younger, his dad always drove his mom crazy over how many times he would start a fight with her. Luckily he never hit her, he saved all of them up for when Alex could 'take it like a man' but it was worth it if it meant that his mom and sister were safe from him. Madi didn't take any of his bullshit, which in turn, put more pressure on how many times Alex would get hit for doing something wrong.

"Dad can we please not do this right now." Alex looked up to the ceiling trying to contain his anger and sadness all at once. He had lived with this man for sixteen years in fear, and all of his emotions were starting an unhealthy build up in the back of his mind.

"You have other shoes."

"Okay, I'll just wear my converse." he tried not to show it, but his jaw was clenched so tightly, and the feeling of his teeth gritting together was so intense that he wanted to die on the inside. But through all that pain that was on the inside, there was love. Love for his mother, love for his sister, love for his friends, and love for Luke. The most intense feeling of love he ever endured. A love that he had to hide in his own household. A love that kept him up all night. He felt Luke's hands on his shoulders trying to get him to relax, something Luke did quite often when Alex was stressed. On the short car ride to the chapel, Alex and Luke squeezed into the back of Jan's small car. Alex stared out the window trying to hold back tears at the embarrassing situation back at home. That kind of stuff always happened, but it was different when it was in front of his boyfriend. Luke's dad always respected Luke, even after all that happened with him coming out, Mitch still loved him. It was hard not being able to be himself in front of his parents like Luke could, but he had to live with the truth that his family life was just different.

Everyone in church was so uptight. No one wore casual clothing, no one spoke out of turn, no one was acting like their true selves. Even before the lecture where all the teens would pile into the portables behind the church, everyone was so prim and proper. Alex and Madi always felt so out of place every Sunday, and even more out of place when they brought one of their friends. But they were used to it at this point.

The last time Luke had gone with Alex to church, he was thirteen. The things the pastor said really scared him. He told the crowd that 'If you weren't baptized, you won't go to heaven' and things that made Luke feel like shit compared to everyone else that was listening. He went home crying into his mother's arms screaming 'I don't want to go to hell' and things that made his mother's heart break. He had promised himself he would never put himself through another hour long lecture about him not being good enough in god's eyes, but yet here he was sitting in between his boyfriend and his boyfriend's mom taking every single word to heart about how loving Alex was the most deceitful sin. Usually things he was told went in one ear and out the other, but something about the pastor's words kept digging as far into his soul as words could. He thought about how god must hate him for having his first sexual experience with a boy. His mind flashed back to earlier this week with his hands trailing down Alex's body not touching enough skin to satisfy his needs, and Alex's lips on his neck as Luke panted his name in pleasure tilting his head back against his headboard. Shivers ran down his spine trying to get those images out of his mind.

On the ride back to Alex's, Luke still couldn't get the thought of god looking down on him being disappointed on his relationship with him. It was stapled into his mind and it wouldn't go away. He flopped onto Alex's bed covering his face with his hands in deep thought.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked with a chuckle thinking that Luke was just off in wonderland.

"No." his hands traveled down to his chest. The bed shook a little when Alex fell into place beside him.

"Well cheer up because my mom is getting K.F.C."

"How are you so chill about this?"

"What do you want me to say Luke, I've been going to church since I was born. I'm used to it."

"I want you to tell me that god doesn't hate us for being together."

"Okay, god definitely doesn't hate us for being together. And it doesn't matter what those assholes tell us anyways, maybe they're just jealous." Luke looked in his direction.

"Why would they be jealous?" 

"Because we love each other way more than their depressed wives love them." Alex laughed meeting his gaze.

Luke smiled and placed his hand on Alex's face. "I love you, Alexander Ryan Mercer."

"I love you more, Lukas Maximus Patterson."

"Shut up that is not my middle name."

"Please enlighten me, what is your middle name my good sir." Alex pretended to curtsy,

"Try Maxwell."

"Ah yes Maxwell. Well, I think Maximus is better and I definitely will be having a long talk with your mom about changing it." Alex joked tracing Luke's lips with his thumb.

"I hate it when you do that." Luke blushed.

"Do what?" Alex continued.

"Make me feel like I'm the only boy you'll ever love."

"But you are."

"I'm sure there will be others." Luke rolled his eyes.

Alex shook his head in disagreement, "No." he delicately kissed Luke's lips, "No, I only want you." 

In an instant, Luke's body was pressed against Alex's in a kiss that he would remember for the rest of his life. Their mouths slid wetly against one another pulling each other closer. Luke's fingers wrapped around the back of Alex's neck. He felt himself falling even more in love with Alex with every caress from his lips. Alex whimpered into Luke's mouth with the feeling of Luke's tongue flicking against his own. Luke swallowed every noise he made with pride letting out his own grunts occasionally. He let his left hand trail down to Alex's growing bulge palming him through his jeans. Alex pulled away with a loud smack of his lips throwing his head back in ecstasy. Luke chased his lips pulling him into an open mouthed kiss. Alex had nothing to compare this experience to, but Luke sure knew what he was doing. The guitarist unbuttoned Alex's jeans without hesitation.

"W-wait what about my parents?" Alex's hand pressed against Luke's chest.

"What about them?" he resumed his kisses onto Alex's neck pulling down his zipper.

"They'll be home soon." he gulped at the feeling of Luke's body heat radiating onto him, "With the food."

"Then we better hurry."

Alex pushed himself against his headboard letting Luke straddle him. He pulled Luke's shirt over his head throwing it to the corner of his room. Luke sat on his lap shivering at the feeling of hands running down the length of his back. He leaned down pressing all of his weight on Alex's body.

"You're so hot." Luke nipped at his ear. Alex wrapped his hand around the back of Luke's neck panting. "I can't believe I have you all to myself." he dismounted Alex's hips falling to his side resuming the work he was doing on his cock. He worked at the denim that concealed his boyfriend's underwear. He practically tore the jeans off of Alex much hungrier to touch him than he was a few minutes ago leaving the simple and thin fabric that was Alex's Kalvin Klein breifs.

"Do you like it when I touch you?" he asked tracing his fingers along the outline of Alex's cock. 

"Mm hmm" Alex nodded frantically looking over to Luke receiving a peck on the lips. Luke trailed his kisses down Alex's jaw pulling at his shirt. The drummer busted open his button down letting the cold air touch his chest giving him goosebumps and slouching against the headboard. Luke kept kissing further and further down his body. Alex's breath hitched when his underwear was met with open mouthed kisses. His hips thrusted forward wanting more friction that Luke's lips weren't providing.

"Shit-" his fingers gripped at Luke's thin hair. The guitarist folded back the elastic of his boxers reaching his hand up to grasp the base of Alex's dick. He stroked his hand climbing up to continue making out with Alex getting him unbearably hard.

"Fuck babe." Luke moaned rubbing his thumb against Alex's leaking slit. Luke kisses past Alex's nipples sending chills down his spine as he slowly licks his chiseled abs meeting eye to eye to his throbbing cock. His tongue moves in circles around his hip bone receiving high pitched moans from his boyfriend. Alex's large hands brush Luke's hair from his face making eye contact with Luke as he gave him pleasure. Alex's cock was painfully hard waiting for Luke to continue touching him. Much to his surprise, Luke didn't continue stroking him, but instead pecked his lips to the tip of his cock. Alex let out a high pitched moan gripping Luke's wrist that were resting on his waist.

Luke's lips wrapped around the head of Alex's cock swirling his tongue at the tip.

"Fuck, I can't believe we're doing this." Alex chuckled trying hard not to pull at Luke's hair as his cock went farther down his throat. Alex's mind was blank and all that he could think of was the sight of his handsome boyfriend bobbing his head on his cock. Luke groaned sending vibrations through Alex's body giving him more pleasure taking him as far as he could into his mouth.

Luke had never sucked dick before, but the reaction he was getting from Alex was telling him that he was doing an exceptionally okay job at it.

"What are you guys doing? I'm bored." Madi asked knocking at the door.

Luke pulls his lips off of Alex's cock continuing to stroke it with his hand at a fast pace as he answered, "We're fine, we're just kissing." He leaned up to Alex giving him abnormally loud kisses trying to get Madi to fall for the bait and leave them alone. Her footsteps got quieter as she moved down the hall to the steps. Luke smirked replacing his hand with his mouth.

Alex's head lifted looking into Luke's eyes. Something about seeing Luke doing that combined with their lustful gaze made Alex almost burst right then and there. But he wanted to keep this up for as long as possible, and he didn't know if Luke would ever want to do this again once he came, so he decided to hold it in for as long as possible enjoying the feeling of his cock disappearing into Luke's mouth.

Luke's hands reached up to rub over Alex's stomach as the blonde began to feel a knot there building up. His hips thrusted up into Luke's mouth making him gag with tears coming out of his eyes.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry, are you okay?" Alex rubbed Luke's back when he sat up to sit at the edge of the bed.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's totally cool." Luke wiped tears from his cheeks.

"I didn't mean to hurt you-" he was interrupted with a pair of lips on his own.

"I'm fine, in all honesty it was kinda hot." Luke laughed leaning his head down and continuing to try and get Alex to finish. As his head bobbed up and down, Alex tried not to ruin the moment again with his aggressive need to come. Alex let out a choked moan and Luke knew exactly what was going on. He replaced his mouth with his hand much like before and pumped his cock fast and hard watching Alex fall apart.

"I'm gonna come." Alex managed. His eyes rolled into the back of his head letting out small and quiet moans.

"I know." Luke pressed a kiss to his cheek and somehow his strokes got faster. Alex panted loudly with his cock throbbing in Luke's hand as he let himself come. He let out a sigh of relief followed by a loud moan.

"Shh." Luke whispered letting his hand slow down. Alex's orgasm came to a roaring stop when he sunk into the bed with no strength left in him. Luke reached for the tissue box that rested on top of Alex's bookshelf grabbing one. He wiped off the contents of his hand followed by Alex's stomach giving him a kiss.

"You're still hard." Alex noticed when Luke walked to his trash can to throw the tissue away.

"Yeah." Luke laughed climbing into bed with him.

"Do you want me to finish you off?" Alex asked rubbing his hand against Luke's clothed erection.

"Not really, Madi is already suspicious of us, don't want to give her another reason to think that we're having sex or something." He tucked his head into the nook of Alex's neck.

"But weren't we just having sex?"

"Yes, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her." Luke pulled the covers over them just now getting comfortable just as the front door slammed shut and the smell of chicken flooded their noses.

"Shit." Alex sighed pushing the covers off of them again walking over to his dresser. He rummaged through his drawers before finding a pair of sweats and some underwear. "Do you want a shirt or something?" he asked Luke, stepping into the articles of clothing he had picked out for himself.

"Yeah, something that will cover this." he looked down to his cock that was still hard.

"Sure," Alex examined everything in his pants drawer, "I don't have anything like that, but I can lend you a huge sweatshirt."

"That'll work." Luke shrugged unbuttoning the dress pants he was handed earlier and swapping them out for his normal jeans topping it off with Alex's favorite sweatshirt.

"You look so cute." Alex cooed taking Luke's hand and making him spin under his arm to get a better look at him.

"Can we hurry this up, I'm hungry and I haven't heard a homophobic comment in over an hour. I'm starting to get worried."

"Don't worry, I'm sure my dad will come up with something about how the church service today was so pure."

"Yeah, and then we could roll our eyes and nod." Luke added making them both laugh.


	13. Chapter 12

Luke spent the rest of the weekend at Alex's house and didn't come home until after school on Monday. He hadn't gotten a call from his parents so he assumed everything was okay. On the walk home from school, he took Alex's hand into his and interlocked their fingers as they passed each house in their neighborhood. They knew that there were certain people that would have a problem with it if they saw them walk together like that or share a kiss, but there were none that knew Alex's parents. Emily and Mitch never really liked their neighbors and they especially wouldn't appreciate a nasty call about their son being a disgrace to the neighborhood.

"Ok, this is it." Luke came to a halt at the driveway of his house.

"You're not coming over?" Alex asked looking a little gloomy.

"Nah, I don't want my parents to think I'm dead or anything." Luke really didn't want to say goodbye, but it was time to go home.

"Okay," Alex kissed Luke's lips, "I'll pick you up tomorrow right here."

"I miss you already!" Luke called walking up his driveway making Alex's cheeks warm up. When he walked past the living room into the kitchen, he noticed that his mom wasn't in her usual spot on the couch and that the phone cord was strung out to reach the office that was nearby. He pressed his ear to the door hearing his mother say small things like 'yes' and 'I understand'. When he heard her stand up and head to the door he was currently pressing his ear to, he rushed back to the kitchen and opened the fridge trying to act natural.

"Oh hey mom." he scratched the back of his head nervously.

"About time you came home." she hung the phone back onto the wall giving him a disappointed look.

"What?" 

"You're teacher called."

"Which one? I have like," he thought for a second, "seven teachers."

"Mr. Rosen, you have an f in his class. I thought you loved science."

"Correction, I used to like science. And why is he so concerned about me anyways?"

"He said you haven't turned a single assignment in for weeks."

"I've been preoccupied." he smiled to himself grabbing a soda from the fridge.

"Yeah well," she takes the beverage from his hand placing it back where it belongs, "I think you've been spending a lot of your time with Alex."

"No mom, don't turn this on Alex it's my fault I didn't do the work not his."

"I know how you two feel about each other, but your grades are slipping and I don't know if it's a good idea to keep staying out late with him on school nights."

"Mom, I swear to you that the grades will be up by the end of the week."

"Until then, no going out with Alex after school."

"What? But mom we had a movie night planned-"

"Well then we can all have a movie night all together. What's it you kids like to watch nowadays, Peter Pan?"

"Try the Exorcist, and it was supposed to be a date."

"If you get your grades up, then it can be a date. Until then, tell him when you see him to come over on Friday. What kind of food does he like?"

"He'll eat anything, just please don't embarrass me in front of him."

"I wouldn't dream of it." Luke sighed jogging up to his room. It was just as he left it, a mess. He liked it that way even though it drove Emily crazy when he would refuse to clean it. He fell onto his bed, back first, smelling Alex's familiar scent from the time that they slept together last week still lingering on his pillow. He breathed deeply over and over again until sleep overtook him. His nightmare had only recently subsided since he's felt the comfort of Alex's arms around them when they slept this weekend. It was replaced with his regular dreams that he couldn't explain even if he tried. He felt so safe in his room ever since he was young. Whenever a classmate would tell stories about how they had sworn that there was a monster underneath their bed, Luke never felt that. He always knew that his small space that was his, and only his, would protect him against everything. It was a stretch to put faith in four walls that connected in each corner, but something about them calmed him down. It was where he had slept since the day he was born, and that had to count for something. Right?

A faint knock at his door woke him up as he slowly became aware of his surroundings.

"Come in." his raspy voice called to the person on the other side of the door.

"Are you sleeping?" Mitch asked turning on the light making Luke hiss.

"Not anymore. What's up?"

"I just wanted to make sure you know that your mother wasn't trying to make it seem like spending so much time with Alex is a bad thing."

"Good, because she didn't make it seem that way." he replied not knowing what Mitch was getting at, "In fact, she invited him over on Friday for family movie night."

Mitch tried to find more words for what he was feeling, "I think it's great that you have found someone as good as Alex to be your-" he paused.

"Boyfriend?" Luke tilted his head in confusion.

"Yeah, yeah that." 

"It's not a bad word. You can say it without being ashamed."

"No Luke, I'm not ashamed, it's just-"

"That your son has a boyfriend." Luke was hurt. He knew his dad was a little iffy about his relationship status changing so quickly from having a girlfriend, to confessing that he was in love with his boyfriend, but he never thought that his own dad would bring it up in a one on one conversation.

"Luke it's not like that."

"Then what's it like?"

"Look, I'm sure your mother already told you this, but you being with Alex scares me. I was just becoming a doctor when the whole AIDS thing was all new, and young men just like you were dying. And I don't want to lose you to that awful disease, Luke."

"Mom never told me that."

"Well, it's true. J-just promise me that-"

"Dad we aren't doing anything like that."

"Don't lie, I was you're age once too. Just promise me that when the time comes, you'll be careful."

"Y-yeah," he gulped, "I promise."

"Thank you." Mitch sat beside him on his bed.

"Life would be so much easier if I was straight." Luke sighed letting his head drop. He felt bad for making his dad worry for him.

"Don't say that. You're just being who you are. Nothing can change that."

"Even so, you guys wouldn't have to worry about AIDS or literally anything else that could happen because of it."

"You can't help who you fall in love with." Mitch smiles. Luke leaned into his father's shoulders. Something he hadn't done since grade school. There was no explanation for what Luke was feeling, he just began to sob in his father's arms. "I know buddy, it's okay." he pulled Luke closer.

"I-I'm sorry." Luke managed, tears soaking into his dad's sweater.

"You can't be sorry for something you can't control, Luke." Mitch rubs circles into his back. He wasn't used to having to comfort Luke anymore since he kept his emotions closed up recently. 

"God hates me." Luke cries needing nothing but Mitch's comfort. He doesn't notice it, but Emily opens the door standing at the frame watching her son break down into her husband's arms. She had been here once before with him coming to her thinking that he was hated for being himself. She thought she had fully crossed that bridge four years ago, but here she was watching her sixteen-year-old son hurting because someone told him he wasn't good enough.

"That isn't true." Mitch assures him. Luke shakes his head.

"Y-yes he does. I shouldn't have," he takes a hitched gasp of air, "with Alex after ch-church and now he hates me." He was having trouble breathing and tears were rolling down Mitch and Emily's cheeks now.

"Honey, you need to breathe." Emily kneels in front of Luke grasping his hands. "You," she pauses wiping his tears, "are so special. And nothing those know it all pastors can change the fact that you like boys. Okay? That is just- well it's who you are."

"Yeah, and I know that you feel low right now. But seeing you be happy with Alex, I know that it makes this whole experience worth it, and you are no less of a man than anyone that sits in that boring ass room and takes in every lie that they hear." Mitch pets Luke's hair making sure he feels safe in his arms. His parents stay silent for minutes hoping that what they said would help him calm down, and eventually it does.

"I need to say something, but I don't know if A-Alex will be mad if I do." Luke says looking from his dad, down to his mom.

"You can tell us anything." Emily says taking a more firm grasp to his hand.

"Alex's dad-" Luke pauses getting choked up.

"Alex's dad did what? D-did he do something to you?" Mitch looks over to Emily.

"No, no. He-" Luke exhales deeply, "he hits Alex, like a lot and I haven't said anything because I thought he had it under control, but every time he talks to him, his guard is always up and I don't know what else to do."

"Are you sure? Because if we do something about this, we need to be sure that this is true." his dad pats his knee.

"Yeah, it's true. He came into rehearsal one time with a bruise the size of my hand on his stomach and he said that his dad got mad at him for letting Reg spend the night without asking for his permission."

"We can take care of it, but you can't go over there anymore unless you are rehearsing in the garage." Emily tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Mom, if anything I'm protecting Alex. There's no way he would hit him if I was there."

"I don't know Luke, he seems like a sick guy to be hitting his own son." she adds.

"I promise that I will stay out of trouble, just please don't ban me from going over there."

"Okay, but if he even lays a finger on you, I will never let you over there ever again. As for Alex and Madeline, I'll have to call cps and tell them what's been happening. Does he hit Madeline too?"

"No, just Alex. I'm scared that if he comes out that his dad will do something really bad to him."

"Don't worry, we can take care of this."  
\-------------------  
Friday rolled around and yes it's very shocking, but Luke did remember to tell Alex about the movie night his parents planned. Luke knew that this whole thing was just a plan for his parents to get to know Alex more, but Alex himself thought it was sweet that they wanted to get to know him. He told his mom that the band was having a sleepover at Luke's house, it wasn't originally supposed to be a sleepover, but Emily understood that it would be the most logical lie he could have told her.

Before he showed up, the Pattersons' rushed around their house trying to make it spick and span before their guest arrived, which was pointless because Alex had been there at least a million times and it was never this clean. Emily decided to make pizza rather than buy it because she thought that it would be more impressive, boy was she wrong. About halfway through making it she realized that everyone would have been just as happy, if not happier, if she just ordered it in.

"Mom, he's here can you just please not be weird. And dad please don't say any jokes that aren't funny- hey you." he opened the door.

"Hey." Alex walked in noticing it was much neater than it had been not even a week before.

"Don't flatter yourself, they would do this for anyone." he took Alex's hand leading him to the kitchen.

"Hey sweetie, do you like pizza?" Emily smiled checking the food in the oven.

"Yeah, I love pizza. What are we watching?"

"Well I know you hate scary movies, but I still really want to watch The Exorcist." Luke leaned onto the island.

"Are you sure we should watch that with your family?" Alex laughed.

"Oh, you guys can pick since we dragged you out of your date." Emily placed the burnt pizza in front of them. "Maybe we should order in after all." she sighed fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector.

"Definitely." the two boys suggested nodding.

"We'll walk down to the video store and rent it. Can I have some money?" Luke asked as she threw the failed pizza in the trash.

"Yeah, it's in my purse on the couch. While you're out, get a large pepperoni pizza from Andi's will you?"

"Will do." he smiled taking ten dollars from her wallet and heading out the door with Alex.

"When you said they would be stressed, I didn't think they would be that stressed." the blonde laughed tucking his hands in his sweatshirt pockets.

"Yeah well it's the first time they've ever been interested in someone I'm dating, so they want to make a good impression."

"I met them when I was six, they are already like my second parents."

"Yeah well, this is different. Because now that I've sucked your dick, things have changed."

"Please tell me you did not tell them that." Alex stopped in the middle of the street.

"Of course I didn't tell them that, are you crazy?"

"Okay well can you at least not talk about it in public."

"Why? Are you nervous that you won't do it as well?" Luke laughed running ahead. Alex shook his head at how stupid his boyfriend was, but as much as he didn't want to admit it, that was a little bit funny. They got everything they needed and headed home. Luke placed the movie on the tv stand while Alex put the pizza on the table.

"That is really hot on the bottom." he said rubbing his sweaty hand against his sweatshirt.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked grabbing plates out of the cupboard.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"I'm starving." Luke runs in the kitchen reaching for the box.

"No Luke, we have to wait until we start watching the movie." she says. Alex pulls his hand away.

"So let's start watching the movie."

"Your father isn't home yet, can you just hold your horses?"

Luke was impatient, but somehow managed to sit in his living room long enough for his dad to show up. Emily put the movie in the DVD player and the guys all got their food. When they sat down, Luke covered them both with a blanket. Alex looked really nervous, Luke just guessed it was because he wanted to make a good impression on his parents. For the first thirty minutes, both of them didn't dare make a move on each other even though feet away, Emily and Mitch were cuddled up on the loveseat by the couch. Luke scooted closer and stayed there for a couple of minutes making sure Alex wasn't uncomfortable doing this in front of his parents. Then, he rested his head onto the blonde's shoulder and wrapped his arms around his waist. He knew all along that his parents wouldn't care, but didn't want to make Alex any more anxious than he already was, but now at least he seemed much more relaxed than before. Every now and then Alex would jolt from the jump scares on the screen, but for the most part even though he hated scary movies, he felt safe in the guitarist's arms. Alex didn't know how it was possible but sometime in between the last hour of the movie, Luke fell asleep. He looked so peaceful, so Alex decided to let him sleep. 

"That was the scariest movie I have ever seen." Emily laughed looking over to the boys, "Is he asleep?" Alex nodded handing her their plates.

"He used to fall asleep on us like that." Mitch said crossing his legs.

"Really?" 

"Yeah, he must really love you."

"Oh- well I don't know-"

"I see the way he looks at you. And he no doubt loves you more than he's ever loved that Amy girl."

"Is the movie over?" Luke rubs his eyes feeling a little cold now that he let go of Alex.

"Yeah, Satan possesses the exorcist guy and then he kills himself to save the little girl." Mitch chuckles getting up to join his wife in the kitchen.

"I was so tired, sorry I fell asleep on you."

"It was actually kind of nice." Alex leaned in giving him a kiss. Luke didn't want to stop. They knew they shouldn't get into it right now, but they hadn't kissed in about a week and they both wanted more than a small little kiss, so they continued, making sure to keep it simple and sweet.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, my dad.... he's in a lot of trouble. Someone called cps and said that he was abusing me or something and now there's this whole investigation." Alex said pulling away.

"Is that good or bad?"

"It's meh, I mean I love him and all it's just, it hurts."

"I know." Luke laced his fingers with Alex's.

The blonde pulls down his sweatshirt to show Luke his latest bruise that housed itself on his neck. "He choked me the other day once he found out about the whole thing. He thought I called them. I didn't, but at least my mom pulled him off of me before I passed out."

"Shit, Alex." Luke examined his neck.

"At least I have this killer bruise now." he covered it back up.

"That's not funny. Can we- can we just go to bed."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

"Okay mom, we're going to bed. Night." he called starting to walk up the stairs with Alex trailing behind him.

"Nope, he's sleeping on the couch." 

"What? He's slept in my room countless times."

"Don't fight me on this please. I set up this whole thing so that you could spend time with him while your grades were bad, so he's sleeping down here."

"It's fine, I'll see you in the morning." Alex promised letting go of his hands. Luke groaned stomping up the stairs. He didn't want to complain, but he had hoped that he could at least spend a little bit of alone time after the movie was over. Nonetheless, he was thankful that his parents were supportive of his relationship and he was lucky that they loved Alex almost as much as they loved him. Still, it would have been nice. He stripped down to his underwear and tried his hardest to go to sleep passing time until morning. When all the lights were off he snuck downstairs and knelt below the couch.

"Is this seat taken?" he asks waking up his boyfriend. Alex responds by opening his blanket up for him. Luke takes the invitation and crawls into the space next to him resting his head on his chest. It was much easier to fall asleep.


	14. Chapter 13

"Dude, where's Luke?" Bobby asked early one morning slinging his arm over Alex's shoulder.

"He's sick. What's up."

"Will he be feeling up for a gig this Saturday?"

"I don't see why not, where is it?"

"At my house. My mom just said that she and my dad have to go to some business meetings out of town this weekend. So you know what that means?"

"Luke and I get to spend a relaxing evening in your hot tub?"

"No, gross. It means that we are going to host the biggest party of the year. Where's Reggie, I have to tell him."

"I think that's him across the courtyard talking with Amanda."

"I thought he wanted to try and get a boyfriend?"

"He did, but I guess he likes the fact that she stood up for Luke when Amy was being a bitch."

"I guess I'm the only single one left."

"You were the only taken one many times, and plus I see the way you look at Janice."

"Janice? As in the girl who was fucking Luke?"

"She was not fucking Luke. And even if she was, which she definitely was not, that's over now and she is totally into you. So, make me proud and ask her to come to your little house party."

"I've never stayed with a girl for more than a month, what if she thinks I'm a hoe?"

"She wouldn't be wrong." Bobby gave him an annoyed look, "All you have to do is just tell her you like her."

"It's funny that you of all people are giving me advice on how to talk to girls."

"Hey, that's not fair! Girls love me."

"Would they love you if they knew that you have had a boyfriend for almost two months?" It was Alex's turn to give the annoyed look. It was convenient that other than Bobby, girls took an interest in him the most. It kind of made him feel uneasy because he knew what it was like for someone he had a crush on to not be into him like that. He wanted to be able to explain that girls just really weren't his thing without hurting anyone's feelings. After rejection, most girls were nice, others would pour drinks on his head claiming that he led them on, and then there was Amanda. Reggie had been distant for a while but now it all made sense. Amanda was good for Reggie, she was nice and she understood that people like what they like. "Earth to Alex?" a hand waved in front of his face aggressively.

"Hm?"

"Tell Luke after school about Saturday."

"I'll try, Emily called my house this morning saying that Luke had a stomach bug and that it was really bad."

"Are you still gonna see him tonight?"

"She said that he wanted me to, but that it was fine if I didn't. I probably should though, ya know, boyfriend duties."

"No, I don't know because I don't pine after girls." Bobby laughed jogging away.

"I don't either!" Alex shouted. Bobby stuck his hand up giving Alex the middle finger. "Shit." Alex mumbled to himself. Bobby always got the last word no matter who he was arguing with, he was notorious for it actually. And now, Alex was going to be late to physics.  
\------------------  
"How is he?" Alex asked when Emily opened the door and invited him in.

"Worse than this morning, but at least he's sleeping. Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm good." which was a downright lie. He hadn't drank much water today, but he couldn't ask for any because he didn't want to seem rude.

"How was school?" she sat down on the couch, he the same.

"Oh you know, same old same old." he sighed. The room got silent for a while.

"I'm glad that you came by, he's been a mess all day."

"I'm glad too."

They sat there for a couple of hours watching tv and waiting for Luke to wake up. When he did, he stood at the top of the small stairs. He was pale and weak, so Alex took his arm and led him back to his bedroom sitting him back down on his bed.

"There's this gig at Bobby's house on Saturday, he wanted me to tell you that."

"Yeah, that's awesome. Did he say we could use his hot tub?"

"No, but we will anyways. Oh, and Reggie has been hanging out with Amanda apparently."

"Finally, I thought the dude would never get laid."

"Yeah well, god works in mysterious ways." he raised his eyebrows in a joking manner. Alex didn't know about Luke's breakdown. Luke decided not to tell him because it made him seem fragile and weak, yet here he was on the verge of puking his guts out for the twelfth time today. "What did you eat last night?" Alex noticed that he was looking green.

"I had what my parents had, some weird taco dish that was surprisingly really good. I think I just have the flu or something."

"Did you eat anything today?"

"Yeah, but it didn't stay down for long." 

"Aww I'm sorry babe." Alex pouted his lip kissing him on the cheek. He laid beside him now waiting for Luke to lean back on him. Alex liked being the little spoon, but he was always willing to give that up so that Luke could feel loved.

"I'm gonna get you sick."

"I don't care." Luke sighed and laid down next to his boyfriend feeling his strong arms wrap around his torso. Being in Alex's arms was nice, it gave him a feeling that he had never felt before the first time he did it. He did feel better, but every time he tried to eat, he felt awful again.   
\---------------  
The next day at school, Alex expected to see Luke all happy and himself but when he got to his house to pick him up, Emily answered.

"Sorry Alex, but he's still under the weather."

"Is he okay?"

"I think so, hopefully he'll be all better by tomorrow."

The next day rolled around, and Luke still wasn't better. They had to cancel their gig and Alex spent his Friday night caring for him. When Luke was asleep, Alex could hear his parents downstairs contemplating what they should do. He was sick all week, and he still wasn't getting any better.

"Alex." Emily whispered cracking the door to Luke's room, "Come downstairs, we want to talk to you." Alex slowly released himself from Luke's grip and tip toed down the stairs trying not to wake him.

"Yes?"

"We think that it would be best if we took him to the hospital to run tests on him."

"W-why, he's just got a stomach bug."

"Possibly, but you've been around him all week and you haven't caught it, we're worried that it's more than just a stomach bug." Emily looks over to her husband. Alex can tell that they want to tell him something but can't find the words.

"What do you mean?" 

"There are digestive system problems that run in my family." Mitch speaks up, "and if he has something like that, it's better to catch it when it's first developing."

"So, when do we take him?" Alex asked.

"Now. But we need your help, can you get some of his things and get him to the truck?" Emily asked.

"S-sure." he mumbled heading up to Luke's room. His hands were shaking, but he managed to grab Luke's backpack and emptied it of his school things. He took shirts and sweatpants from his drawer hoping that they were comfortable enough for him when they got there. He slung the backpack over his shoulders and shook Luke awake.

"What?" Luke looked at him with all the color of his face drained. Alex knew that he was not going to have the willpower to descend down the stairs, (he hadn't been able to keep a single thing down all week), so Alex just picked him up and carried him. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Getting you help." he said carefully going down the stairs. Emily and Mitch were searching the kitchen for something, so he took him out into the cold air and placed him into the back walking over to the other side. He squeezed next to him letting him rest his head in his lap.

"I'm fine." Luke said faintly.

'I hope that's true.' Alex thought to himself trying not to make Luke worry. He played with his hair as Emily and Mitch climbed into the front and started the car. The ride was quiet, and Alex was trying his best not to lose his shit again. Every single outcome was flooding his head and he couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to scream. No fuck that, he needed to scream. But that would just make the whole situation worse. How could he not have seen earlier that this was something serious, for gods sake he was the one who spent the most time with him.

"Alex, when we get there, can you carry him inside?" Mitch asked. This was a lot for Alex to handle. He had never seen anyone he loved need to be admitted into the hospital, but he was more concerned of how his parents felt about all of this.

"Yeah, of course." he stared out the window looking for something to get his mind off of this. It had happened so fast and his mind was moving a million miles per hour. "Will he be okay?" 

Emily sighed, "We don't know."

Alex did what he promised and carried him far enough to get him into a wheelchair. Luke was confused but accepted that this was the best option to get him what he needed. Alex sat with him in the lobby waiting for his parents that were talking with a nurse at the front desk. Everyone else that was waiting looked in terrible shape too. There was a girl to their left that Alex had assumed had broken her wrist because she seemed calm and her arm was in a sling. There was a middle aged man to his right that had a mask on and kept coughing. There was a young boy who looked fine, but must have been there for some reason. Of course there were more, but those were the ones that stored themselves in Alex's long term memory of today. And then there was Luke, pale as paper and sweaty. Luke reached for Alex's hand in hopes that he would still take it even though they were in front of all these people. Without hesitation, Alex took it and brought his knuckle to his lips.

"How's your neck?" Luke asked.

"How's my neck?" Alex repeated, "Get outta here." he laughed, and for the first time all week, Luke did too.

Luke seemed to be himself, cracking an occasional joke as they waited for someone to take them back, but Alex knew that he was freaking out on the inside. He would be too. The thought of Luke keeping his cool to protect his parents and his boyfriend crossed Alex's mind, and he decided that it's the truth because any regular person would be worried. But then again, this was Luke they were talking about.

"Luke Patterson." a young nurse finally called. Emily rolled him back and everyone else followed. They put him in a small room and measured his height and his weight. And then there was more waiting when she told them the doctor would be with them shortly. 

"Hey kiddo, I'm doctor Hessler" the doctor greeted Luke, "so I hear that you've been having some trouble keeping food down. How long has this been happening?"

"Since Tuesday." he answered. "I'm hungry, it's just, I don't know why I can't eat."

"And that's why we're gonna run some tests." he lifted up Luke's shirt, "Tell me when it hurts." he pressed down on multiple areas of his stomach. 

"There." he cringed in pain.

"I see." he covered his torso once more. He strapped fabric around his arm to check his blood pressure, then he took his temperature, and then his heart rate. After each thing he wrote it down. "How much water did you drink this week."

"I didn't want to drink much, but he made me drink a lot." he pointed over to Alex.

"Ah, who's this." he reached out his hand for him to shake it.

"Alex, how's it goin." he shook his hand with enthusiasm.

He looks over to Luke, "He's got a firm shake. I gotta say, not many best friends come to the hospital the first night."

"Yeah well, he's special." Luke smiled at Alex with blushed cheeks.

"So, I will bring you a bottle of water, and then I am going to check your medical history to try and see what's going on. Mom, Dad, can I talk to you in the hall?" Emily and Mitch nodded following him out of the room.

"He was nice." Alex pulled up a chair beside the bed Luke was laying on.

"Yeah," he sighed, "I'm cold."

"Here," he pulled his sweatshirt over his head handing it to Luke thankful that he had a shirt underneath.

"Thanks." Alex helps him sit up and put it on. Dr. Hessler comes back in for a moment handing them each a bottle of water. Luke's parents sit back down again and then there it is again; waiting. Waiting was Alex's least favorite thing, he was hoping that the doctor would come back and say that it was all a major miscommunication, but that did not happen.

"So, your medical history seems to be all healthy. I asked your parents a few questions and there's nothing that I have to be concerned about regarding you in the past. However, your dad tells me that you have digestive problems in the family, so I'll have to take you back for a ct scan (cat scan) to see if that could be the cause of all this. You can take one person back to the examining room when we're ready for you."

"How long do we have to wait?" he asked with a sigh.

"About thirty minutes. But hey, at least you have your best buddy with you." Dr. Hessler smiled disappearing into the hallway. It was late and Luke was tired, so he decided to take a little nap. He wanted Alex to be the person to come back with him, but he knew it had to be his mother instead. When he was woken up, Alex helped him sit up and get back into his wheelchair.

"I love you." Alex told him brushing Luke's hair out of his face and placing a kiss onto his forehead.

"I love you too." By this point if the doctor didn't notice that they weren't just friends, he didn't think he would ever catch on. But Luke knew he was smart and that he probably got the hint. Emily rolled him where the doctor led them. They stopped in front of a room that was larger than the one he was waiting in before. The doctor placed him on the table and took off his rings telling him to stay still. Luke complied and didn't move a muscle.

Meanwhile, Alex asked to use the phone at the front desk. The ladies were really nice and let him use it for as long as he wanted.

"Mom?" 

"Alex? Who's number is this?"

"It doesn't matter. Look, Luke he- he's in the hospital and he's really sick."

His mother could hear him struggling through the phone.

"Can I stay the night here with the Pattersons'?"

"Yeah honey, that's fine. Tell his mother I send my prayers." 

"I will. See you soon." he hung up. He always felt the need to be strong in front of her and one more second on the phone would have made him lose it more than he already was. He ventured down the halls back to where Mitch was waiting for his wife to return with Luke.

"What did she say?" he asked.

"She said yes."

"That's good. Luke really needs you here." Mitch didn't realize it, but he was putting way too much pressure on Alex. He was an anxious teenager and he wasn't ready to take on the responsibility of someone's entire happiness. But, he knew that they both were in pain and were hoping the same things. "Please just promise me that you won't leave him if the results aren't good."

"Of course not. He was my best friend way before he was my boyfriend and I wouldn't- no, I couldn't do that to him."

"You're a good kid Alex." he sighed and crossed his arms waiting for his son to get back. Alex didn't know when, but he fell asleep and he was woken up much later by Luke's voice in his ear coaxing him awake.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"Fine. They're giving me a room for the night so they can look over my results, so we have to go."

"Okay." Alex stood up and wheeled him to the hallway. The hospital was much larger than expected. There were floors upon floors of wings that he didn't even know existed. Luke's room was somewhere on the 7th floor with a window overlooking the city. It was now 2:05 in the morning and they had now been there for 6 hours, mostly because of how much waiting that they had to do. Luke was exhausted so of course Alex was the one who had to help him get into the bed. He was grateful that Mitch didn't think he was a piece of shit boyfriend, but he could at least help.

"We need to get blankets from home, Alex stay here with him." Emily said. He nodded and gave her a hug. Alex was much more light hearted when it came to her. When they left, he pulled a chair close to Luke and held his hand. He was so caught up in all of this that he forgot that he was currently in a hospital waiting to see if Luke had a deadly disease or not. He tried to stay strong for Luke, but tears just started pouring out of his eyes.

'God,' this was his last resort, 'I know I have been distant and I'm not supposed to love him this way, but please don't take him away from me. He means too much to too many people and I wouldn't be the same person without him. So please, please let him be okay.' 

Even though Luke was fast asleep, his grip tightened on Alex's hand. And that gave him hope.

When Emily and Mitch got back, he set up his "bed" on the chair in the corner. He was not only physically tired, but emotionally tired. He tried drifting to sleep again, but the stress got to him. Will Luke be okay? Will he not? Fuck this world for making Luke of all people the one in danger.  
\-----------------------  
The light from the outside woke Luke up with a jolt remembering everything that happened last night.

"Mom?" he looked down at the IV in his arm not remembering it being put in.

"Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?" she noticed that there was much more color in his face.

"I'm hungry." was the first thing he could think of. Of course he was hungry, he barely had any nutrients in him at all.

"I'll ask the nurses, but Dr. Hessler should come in any minute with the results."

"Okay." he nodded. She left and came back with a nurse that held a tray full of food which he couldn't eat all of, of course even though he wanted to. He took the yogurt from the tray and opened the flap noticing that Alex was starting to wake up too. He took small bites hoping it would help his stomach be able to handle it.

"Okay, so I have the results." Emily shakes Mitch awake.

"Yes? Is he okay?" she rambles.

"So, he has a digestive disorder called Gastroparesis. It can be deadly if it grows for a long time, but luckily he came in just as it was getting started and he'll be just fine. He can't digest food regularly, and that is was causes all this nausea and vomiting. It can show up out of no where, and that is the case here. Good news is, we can treat it with a medication called metoclopramide."

"That's great, when can he start taking it?" Emily asks.

"Well I was hoping that I could give it to him before breakfast, but that's okay. On a usual day, he would have to take it about 2-3 times usually an hour or so before a meal."

"So I'm not gonna be able to handle this?" Luke points to the yogurt. He was looking forward to actually being able to eat something without the fear that he would throw all of it up. And he was almost finished it.

"Hopefully you will, but it's a stretch. You'll have to eat soft or bland foods in small portions even on the meds. They should start working immediately, but sometimes the digestive system rejects it and it takes longer for your body to get used to it. If it's still not working in a month, we'll have to discuss the next step, but hopefully you'll be just fine." he hands the bottle of meds to Emily.

"Thank you so much."

"No problem. He should be able to go home in a few hours." he smiles leaving the room. Alex took a breath of relief knowing that no matter what, Luke wasn't going to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls don't be mad at me, I promise this will all be worth it at the end.
> 
> I don't want to make this too religious, but I feel like it's necessary because Alex was taught to be that way and obviously if he was worried for his boyfriend, he would want to use every bit of hope he had. But yeah, if it's too much please feel free to say so. (but be nice pls lmao)


	15. Chapter 14

All in all, the meds weren't working correctly.

They would work on occasion, and Luke would take a sigh of relief. But even when they did work, his body would use up all of it's energy into digesting the food he had eaten, putting him in excruciating pain.

Alex was over at his house a lot more often, and his parents were starting to get suspicious. He just told them that all the guys were over there which wasn't a complete lie. Reggie and Bobby came over to hang out a lot during the first week making sure he was okay, but soon Reggie started to only come sometimes and Bobby would do the same. He didn't blame them of course, it was hard seeing someone as upbeat as Luke be in so much pain all the time.

Their routine was daily. Wake up Luke early to take his meds, sometimes he would drift back to sleep until his old alarm went off. Get dressed. Go downstairs to eat something to hold him off until later, and wait to see if Luke's digestive system would cooperate. When Alex came to pick him up, Emily would hand Luke a pill for lunch and then they were off to school-like usual. Except the usual was almost completely different.

Luke wanted to be homeschooled after the first day he came back. Everyone was so sympathetic and nice, and for what? He wasn't a hero. He didn't do anything special. The real hero was Alex, his loving boyfriend, who did anything and everything for him. They weren't too big on PDA of course, but it didn't matter because Luke always made sure to show appreciation when they were alone.

And that brings us to Thursday. To be more specific, the Thursday two weeks ahead from where we last left off. The morning started off regularly, with Luke's head in the toilet and Emily comforting him by rubbing his back and whispering 'it's okay' and 'let it out.'

"When can we go back and get medication that will work?" he leaned against the wall panting.

"Dr. Hessler said the end of the month, we're halfway there."

"They aren't going to work."

"I know," she admitted. Before she would say 'give it time' but now there was no point in lying. "I guess we'll just have to wait it out. But in the meantime, you have to brush your teeth before Alex gets here." she reaches her hand for him to take it. He takes it and stands in front of the sink.

"Love you." he called as she left to answer the door.

"Love you too." How did he get lucky enough to get a mom like Emily. She was a second mother to every single one of his friends, even if she didn't like them. When Alex started hanging out at the house more, she made sure to make him feel like he was just as much her son as Luke was. She didn't know it, but it was something that Alex really needed. He was scared shitless of telling his real parents about his sexuality and his relationship with Luke, but Emily was an open ear, and he told her everything about his life that his own mother didn't care to hear. He told her that he was thinking about coming out to his parents, and she was nothing but supportive and even offered to be there. 

"Luke?" Alex called from the hall.

"In here." he spat toothpaste in the sink.

"Hey." Alex wraps his arms around Luke's waist, resting his chin on his shoulder, and looks in the mirror. Luke leans his head to the side Alex was on and ruffled up his hair with the free hand that wasn't currently holding a toothbrush. 

"Hi handsome." Luke's raspy voice was still in play.

"Do you want to come over later?" he pressed kisses to Luke's face.

"I don't know, I don't want to piss your dad off."

"You won't. And I thought that maybe we could tell them tonight."

"Like, for real?"

"Yeah, your mom gave me some advice and I think I'm ready."

"I'm happy for you." Luke smiled turning to face him and wrapping his arms around his neck in a hug. This was the only time that Luke or Alex ever felt safe, in each other's arms. Everything else about the word was disappointing and at least they had each other.

"Okay, we better get going." Alex's arms fell to his side. 

"Just a little longer." Luke sighed into his shoulder.

"Fine." he pulled Luke closer at the dip of his back. 

"Oh shit, I almost forgot." Luke rushed to his room and came back with a piece of paper. "For your gig with Boston." Alex unfolded it seeing that a song was written down in his disastrous handwriting.

"We're not playing without you."

"Yes you are, I already asked Bobby if he could take over lead singer. You guys aren't going to miss out because of my stupid fucking disease." Alex remembered the night they were offered the gig. Luke was so happy and carefree, laughing like it was impossible for him to stop. "If you won't do it for me, do it for yourself." Luke pressed his forehead against Alex's hoping that it was enough persuasion for him to say yes.

On the walk to school, they picked up their bandmates and walked like four normal friends. On the walk through the hallway, almost everyone who passed Luke acknowledged him with a fist bump or a formal hey. He didn't really know how everyone found out about him, but then again, he was the only guy that looked sick to his stomach after lunch and high schoolers were judge-y enough to notice the little things. He was sure that everyone knew he was dating Alex, but it wasn't something that was socially acceptable to talk about in the public eye. It was something that people whispered to their friends about in the courtyard when they saw their hands brush against one another. He was just thankful that the gossip hadn't reached Alex's parents. There was no social media or texting, but it took one mean student that thought making fun of 'the gay kid' was funny to ruin everything. There were so many things that flowed through Luke's head when he thought about someone doing that to Alex.

Outing him to his parents.

Beating him up when they caught him alone.

Spray painting faggot on the garage.

And countless other things that Luke's wide imagination used for evil.

"I have never seen anyone stare so longingly at nothing." Janice laughed sitting next to him in their first period. "A t-shirt and sweatpants? Are you feeling okay?"

"No. I feel like shit so I figured I would look like shit. And my pills never work."

"Where's Alex? I'm sure he could-"

"Don't tell Alex. He doesn't know."

"So, what? Do you just pretend like you're not sick in front of him?"

"That's what I've been doing. He's got to much on his plate right now, me being the way I am just puts way too much pressure on him."

"Sounds to me like you just need to talk to him."

"What would I say? Sorry you're stressed, but I just wanted to let you know that I feel like my insides are being stabbed every single moment of everyday." Luke wasn't trying to be snarky, he was just so fed up with this whole thing already. Lying to Alex definitely wasn't something he ever wanted to do, but it was to protect him.

"Just tell him that you're afraid to show him what it looks like when you're, ya know, actually sick."

"Blah blah blah. I'm tired of talking about me, let's talk about you and Bobby." he raises his eyebrows.

"What about me and Bobby?"

"I saw the pictures of you two at his party."

"We might be hanging out a little bit. But this is the first time a guy has ever been interested in me beyond just wanting to hook up."

"I think it's the same for Bobby. I mean don't get me wrong, he is definitely a whore, but maybe he's finally ready to grow out of his little phase where he dates a new girl every day."

"Well how did you know you liked Alex?" she whispered making sure no one was listening in.

"I don't know, I just did. And turns out he liked me too, but nothing ever would have happened if I didn't make my move."

"So, just make a move?"

"Woah woah woah, I never said that. Alex isn't a whore, it's different." 

"So what do I do?"

"Just take it slow and I'm sure you'll be fine." 

Luke liked having a friend that was something other than a couple guys sitting around sharing a blunt. Talking with Janice was actually fun. It was a friendship he never knew he would be apart of, but it was still so much better than listening to Reggie ramble about the killer country album he would release when 2000 rolled around. They would be 22 by then. He was sure that by then he would either be famous, or this stupid disease would slowly tear down his immune system until he was dead. 

"Do you have any weed?" Luke leaned on Bobby's locker before lunch. He remembered how good it felt the first time he got high while he was comparing Janice to his bandmates.

"Yes?"

"Well? Can I have some?"

"I already promised Alex I wouldn't give you any." 

Dammit. Alex knew him too well.

"C'mon, I won't tell him. Just please, I need it."

"Sorry Luke, but Alex scares me."

"Seriously? He's like the sweetest guy I know."

"To you maybe. He can still pin me pretty easily. You can ask Reggie, I'm sure his dad has some."

"Bobby." he hesitated, but he needed something to take the edge off, "Give me something right now or I will tell Alex to beat the shit out of you."

"You wouldn't."

"Try me." Bobby looked around to see if anyone was paying attention to them before digging into his locker and handing Luke a pencil case. He stuffed it in his backpack seeing Alex across the hall.

"What was that all about?" Alex laughed gripping his backpack strap.

"Bobby needed a pencil." Luke smiled awkwardly, "I'm not hungry, do you wanna skip?"

"You're never hungry, you have to eat."

"I didn't take my pill."

"What? Luke you know you have to. Take it right now."

"Right now? In the hallway?" Alex nodded along. The brunette sighed and opened his backpack again avoiding the pencil case. He put the small tablet in his palm and tilted his head back swallowing it with no water. "Happy?"

"Ecstatic. Come on, let's get to lunch before Reggie thinks we died. After you finish a sandwich, we can skip."

Luke knew if he ate something as big as a sandwich, he didn't have the smallest chance of keeping it down. And after, he was going to skip with him and there was no way this secret he was keeping about him being not so healthy as Alex suspected was staying a secret.

They sat down at the lunch table. Across from them, Reggie and Amanda were working on finding each other's tonsils.

"We're trying to eat here." Luke rolled his eyes. He really did not want to eat this goddamn sandwich but if he didn't, Alex would sure as hell make him.

"Oh shut up, you do it too." Reggie scoffed but complied.

"Yeah, but we actually know how to kiss. Not whatever that was." it took all of Luke to take just one bite and swallow it.

"Love is love, Luke."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." he hated every second of this. Nothing about lunch was appealing like it used to be. He used to count the minutes until the bell and now it was the thing he most dreaded. He was getting certain looks from Alex when he hesitated to take bites so he just tried to act like everything was fine. When he finished Alex looked satisfied enough.

On the walk to Alex's house, Luke started to feel a little queasy. He focused on his breathing hoping that the feeling would go away, which it didn't. When they reached the garage, Luke pushed Alex onto the couch and straddled him, immediately connecting their lips. If this was what he had to do to convince Alex that he was fine, so be it. Alex groaned and moved further into the cushions.

"Is this okay?" Alex asks.

"Yeah." Luke still felt like he could throw up any minute, but he tried his best to keep those thoughts out of his head and focus. Alex really was the perfect distraction, it kept him out of his head for a while until the feeling got worse. He tried to take deep breaths between each kiss, but it was too much.

Alex didn't even know what was happening. One second he was kissing Luke, and then the next he was gone. Luke rushed to the bathroom in the studio and dropped to his knees. Alex followed him and knelt beside him. He did a lot of the same things Emily did. Rub Luke's back, and tell him that everything was going to be okay. He was the epitome of a good boyfriend.

"Sorry." Luke sighed.

"Don't apologize. What happened?" It was time for Luke to tell the truth.

"My meds aren't working. They only ever work if I'm eating something like apple sauce which I obviously can't live on forever."

"Why did you keep this from me? I made you eat a whole sandwich, I would have understood."

"Because I didn't want to make you worry. When I go back to the hospital, who knows what they're gonna put me on next. And I knew you already had anxiety about coming out to your parents."

"I could have held it off."

"No, you're not holding off your coming out for me."

"Why the hell not."

"Because it's about you, not me."

"It's about us. You come first."

"My mom says school should come first." Luke laughs.

"Yeah well, it doesn't. You are the most important thing in the world to me."

"Fuck off." Luke snorts resting his head on his bent knee.

"It's true." he reaches for Luke's hand. Not to help him up (at least not yet), but to just hold it and be in his presence. So there they stayed, on the bathroom floor, smiling at each other like idiots. But at least they were idiots in love.

Luke watched their rehearsal and gave some notes, but for the most part just stayed back and kept quiet. He didn't really like to show up to rehearsal too often anymore, it made him too sad.

He walked alone in the dark with his backpack slung over his shoulder. It was cold, but he didn't care. This stupid thing was becoming more and more apart of his life. He couldn't do anything he wanted anymore.

"Fuck!" he screamed as loud as he could. "Fuck you!" he stuck his middle finger up to the sky. If god really did exist, then he sure deserved it.

His parents sat on the couch when he finally got home. He passed them and went straight to his room. He threw his backpack as hard as he could at his closet door. Convenient. Now all he could think about was squashing Alex's confidence on coming out. He needed a break. The pencil case that was enclosed beyond the zipper in his backpack seemed so lonely right about now. He gave in and ripped it out of his bag aggressively. He opened his window farther and grabbed the matches he stole from his parents out of his desk. He deserved every bit of pleasure he was about to get. At least he thought so.

He slowly inhaled leaning a little bit out the window before blowing it into the fresh air. He let out a few coughs. This was much stronger than what Bobby had supplied before. Tears welled in his eyes thinking about the last few weeks. How his life has been so downhill ever since. But at least it wasn't all bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not me changing my style-
> 
> i hate writing this throw up shit but i'm in too deep with the whole disease thing to back away now
> 
> also... don't smoke weed pls


	16. Chapter 15

Alex was nervous out of his skull. The gig was tomorrow and he just couldn't stop fidgeting thinking about it. 

"Are you sure you'll be okay tomorrow?" Luke asks. He finally let Alex be the little spoon and held him as they lay on the couch. "I don't want what happened last month to happen again." 

"I'll be fine. I was just more nervous last time because I saw Amy and I didn't want her to be mad at me."

"She won't be there this time. Amanda has completely cut her off since she started dating Reggie."

"I really like Amanda. She's good for him"

"Yeah." Alex sighs nudging further into Luke. This is what he really needed, for Luke to hold him. Luke gives tiny kisses to his hair. Alex looks up into his eyes before he presses his mouth to Luke's.

"You guys are so gross." Madi walks in and sits in the empty seat. "Can we do something fun?"

"You know Luke can't do much."

"Yes I can." Alex sits up letting Luke rest his legs in his lap. "What do you wanna do?"

"Can we go to the movies?"

"No Madi, there's nothing good out anyways." Alex interjects.

"Shut up. At least I'm not a sad seventeen year old that has an obsession with candles." she laughs to herself.

"Good one." Luke reaches out his fist for her to bump hers to.

"No but seriously, can we go somewhere?" she slouches into the seat.

"I don't know, where do you wanna go babe?" Luke runs his hand through Alex's hair. "We can take her to the pier, buy her some ice cream."

"I don't have any money." Alex checks his pockets.

"I do."

"You're lucky he loves you more than me." Alex says to his little sister.

"Yes!" she rockets up and gallops to the entrance. "Why are you guys still sitting? We only have an hour until the sun sets." Alex rolls his eyes and looks to Luke.

"Come on Alex, don't be a debby downer. Live a little."

"She's annoying."

"She just wants to spend time with you."

"I think she wants to spend time with you. She might have a minor crush."

"That makes the both of you. Now get up, I wanna have some fun with my boyfriend before something bad happens to either of us." Luke practically drags Alex out of the garage and into the house.

"Madi wants us to take her to get ice cream, can we borrow the car?" Alex asks his mother.

"You can take her after dinner, your dad just got home with pizza."

"Sure." he faked a smile. Any activity that had to do with his dad, he hated, and this was no exception. Not seconds later, there he was bursting through the door with boxes of pizza. He handed Luke a plate. He didn't expect him to eat much, but he still needed to eat something. They sat around the dinner table eating silently. Luke was cautious and only ate half a slice, sliding the rest over to Alex. Alex didn't want to make it a big deal so he just started eating it without even thinking.

"You're just gonna eat that?" his dad asked.

"Yeah. Why not?"

"That's disgusting."

"What's disgusting about it. He's not hungry, so what?"

"He put his mouth on that, and now you're eating it."

"It's not that big of a deal." Madi spoke up against her father.

"I'm talking to him, you shush." he looked back at Alex, "throw that away."

"No." he continued eating. This was beyond ridiculous that this is what his dad had a problem with rather than literally anything else he's done in his life. "It's just food."

"It's just food until you start feeling comfortable kissing boys." that made Alex laugh. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing." his common sense knocked back into him. Luke gave him a look of sentiment. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Madi was frozen beside him, so was his mother. It was just him and his dad now. All Alex could see was evil in that man, and for the first time, he wasn't afraid. There was no hate in his mother or sister, and he knew that Luke would never let anything happen to him.

"Alex, I would be very careful choosing my next few words if I were you." she says. It wasn't a threat, but a warning. At first, Alex thinks this is his imagination. But this has been his best kept secret and it was time for it to be set free.

"I'm gay." he admits to his mother and no one else even though his dad can hear him from the other side of the table. A very heavy weight is lifted off his shoulders, at least for a few seconds before his dad has something to say about it.

"What?" his father's voice has a hint of softness, "N-no I saw you with that girl."

"Michael-" she starts.

"You're just going to pretend this is okay?" he raises his voice.

"What am I supposed to do? It's not like he can help it." she stood up walking to the sink trying to drag the conversation as far away from Alex.

"Of course he can, have you ever heard of something called dating girls." he followed her.

"Can you just stop."

"No, I won't stop. He's my son and I won't accept blatant sin in my house."

"He's my son too! I birthed him! I fed him! I gave him advice when he needed it! Where were you?" he stayed silent, "Exactly, so don't tell me how to react."

"What will the members of the church say?" 

"It doesn't fucking matter." Alex had never heard her cuss before, "Can't you get it through your thick skull that it isn't about us, it's about him." she looks over to see three scared teens sitting silent at their dinner table. Alex didn't have an emotional response, he just sat there trying to register what was going on. Luke didn't dare reach for his hand in fear that Alex's dad would yell at him, or even worse, start physically hurting someone.

"Alex." his dad addressed him, "look at what you did." he refers to the fight that just broke out.

"What the hell is wrong with you." she slapped him across the face instantly regretting it. He grabbed her wrists and forcefully pinned her against the wall. Madi was crying and Luke was trying to get her out of the room. Alex finally found strength in him far beneath the surface pulling him off of his supportive mother and throwing him to the kitchen floor. All of this had been building up his whole life and he couldn't take it anymore.

"I fucking hate you." he managed in between punches.

"Alex stop!" Madi pleaded still being able to see what's going on. "Please!" she was the only one other than Luke to get to him, so he forced himself to stop.

"Faggot." his dad mumbled wiping blood from his face. Alex just ignored him and walked over to his sister. He reached out to give her a hug, but she rejected. He had become his own worst enemy. She rips out of Luke's arms and runs up the stairs.

"Madi-" he calls but she doesn't turn around. His dad stumbled to his feet.

"I never loved you." the hurtful words flooded Alex's head hearing the slam of the front door making him jolt. His mom rushes over to lock it behind him.

"I'm sorry." he whispers to his mom leaning his forehead on her shoulder letting his emotions take over. "I'm so sorry."

This reminded Luke of the torturous night he spent in his own father's arms. Watching it in a third person perspective of the person he cared for the most was heartbreaking. He wanted to leave, but he couldn't do that to Alex. He needed him now more than ever. Luke put his hand on Alex's shoulder. Alex let go of his mother and hugged him as he continued to sob. Luke sucked in his lips and looked up to the ceiling trying not to lose it like he has before.

"Alex, it's okay." he pets his hair out of his face slowly collapsing to the floor. He looks Alex's mother in the eye as he says it, and she's connecting the dots. "I've got you. It's okay, I've got you." he tells him continuously running his thumb along Alex's bruised knuckles. Alex felt exposed in front of his mom now that she can see the truth in their relationship, but he was too overtaken by sadness to care too much.

Jan (his mom) watched from the side with her hand over her mouth as tears streamed down her face as well. This was not what her son deserved, and she knew it. She too believed that homosexuality was a sin, but she loved her son and it isn't right for him to be shamed for it.

Alex lets out small whimpers laying his tear stained face into his boyfriend's lap and curling his knees as close as they could go to his chest, his breath hitching with each breath.

Luke absolutely hated every second of this, but he promised himself that he would be there for Alex before he even asked him to be his boyfriend. Luke cared way too much about him to even try to leave. He helped Alex to his feet watching him sniffle and wipe his cheek one more time before taking a deep breath.

"You scare me when you do that." Luke sighed before being brought into a hug. It wasn't a sad hug, but more of a thank you. Luke liked having a reason since he was the one needing Alex's support for the longest time before this.  
\----------------  
Luke asked him if he was still up for playing the gig and judging from Alex's response, there was no way he was missing it. His sister hadn't talked to him at all since last night and ignored him when he asked her if she wanted to tag along. He really fucked up this whole good big brother thing he had going for the past thirteen and a half years. She wouldn't even open up to Luke, and he could hear her faintly crying at random times of the day.

This was much deeper than the surface though, because the first time their father had hit Alex, he looked her in the eyes and promised he would never do anything like that to anyone. She believed him more than she believed that the grass was green. And now the damage was done. He hurt his father so much worse than he had been hurt in the past, and not only in front of Luke, but his sister who looked up to him.

He couldn't stop thinking about her when they were rehearsing before the show and he was losing the beat multiple times. 

"Alex, get it together." Bobby snapped unknowing of last nights events. The blonde nodded and looked to his side to see Luke watching them with hopeful eyes from backstage. This was his heart, soul, and passion; music. And Alex wanted to continue the legacy without ruining it before Luke could play again. 

Once they were done, they joined Luke at the side of the stage.

"Alex, drink and eat something." he reminded him. Bobby and Reggie looked at each other with confusion.

"Since when are you his mommy?" Reggie asked laughing.

"Aww is someone jealous?" Alex asked reaching for the water Luke was holding out to him and opening the cap.

"Is jealousy the same as being weirded out?"

"Was it weird when you asked us to make out in front of you?" Alex smiles and takes another long drink of his water.

"Bro what?" Bobby burst into laughter.

"Shut up." Reggie rolls his eyes embarrassed that Alex even remembered that. 

"You must be Sunset Curve." a voice trailed behind them. They all turned around all at once.

"Oh my god, you're David Sikes." Alex gushed, "I love your drum solo in Hitch a Ride." Luke was looking a little jealous.

"I'm guessing you're the drummer." he smiles.

"Yes sir, I'm Alex." he forgot about his other bandmates, "Oh uhm this is Bobby, Reggie, and Luke."

"Nice to meet you boys. It's a blessing that you're even here, a little birdie told me that your girlfriend was in the hospital."

Luke choked, "Girlfriend?"

"She's fine now. Just some-" Luke elbowed his side, "-minor complications." he said with a groan.

"Well I'm glad you four can still be here to perform with us. I apologize but I have to get going." the more experienced drummer brushed past them. Alex's eyes follow him nervously biting his bottom lip.

"So much for being out and proud." Luke's arms flail.

"I didn't know how he would react. If he said boyfriend from the get go, I would have went with it." he looks around seeing no one but his bandmates, "But now that he's gone..." Alex smirks hoping that Luke is thinking the same thing. He felt arms around his neck and the familiar soft touch of Luke's pink lips on his own.

Bobby thought about ruining the moment as a joke, but he decided against it because he knew they didn't have many moments like this anymore. And as much as he hated to admit it, he was jealous because he knows that they are the only ones in a three mile radius that loved each other so intensely. He missed being Luke's wingman. I guess if you think about it he still is since he's the only helping him with his relationship from an outside point of view.  
\-----------------  
After the show, Alex dropped Luke off with one last goodbye kiss. That was the last time they would see each other before he came home from his second hospital trip. He couldn't go this time because of school, even though he begged Emily and Mitch to sign him out and bring him.

He walked in the house quietly trying not to wake his mom seeing Madi on the couch. As soon as she sees him she turns off the tv and starts walking up the steps. He catches up to her and grabs her wrist turning her around.

"Wait." she forces herself away from him, "I know I'm a bad brother for doing that, and I promise you it will never happen again."

"I don't trust you." she starts back up the stairs.

"Jellybean." he hadn't used that nickname since they were young. Their mother used to read them Archie Comics when they were younger and he had taken a liking to the name.

"What did you just call me?"

"Jellybean-"

"No. You don't get to call me that Alex. You punched the living hell out of dad even after I told you that it scares me when you two fight. And you promised." she was having trouble gathering her thoughts. She never thought he would break a promise, especially this specific one.

"I know I promised. I wasn't thinking. He was hurting mom and I had to do something."

"You could have just simply pulled him off of her instead of making him fucking bleed."

"What can I do to let you forgive me?"

"I want you to leave me alone." He was going to let her storm off, but he couldn't keep any emotions bottled up anymore.

"Luke is really fucking sick, like sicker than I told you. He can't keep anything down and every time he eats at school, I always have to be the one to skip class and be there for him. It is exhausting, and dad getting mad about me eating his pizza made me mad from the start. So, I'm sorry I hit him, but I am going through so much right now and I can't live with myself if you're mad at me too. You're my sister and I need you."

"I'm sorry Alex, but I can't. I need time. Can you just give me some time?" he nodded and let her go up the stairs this time without stopping her. She was really mad at him. He only saw her this mad when her friend told everyone about her having a gay older brother. He didn't care, but the kids at her school would make fun of her for it.

The longer he thought about it the more he realized that everything bad that has happened in the past few months was his fault. And now his family wanted nothing to do with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if this was emotional for you to read... imagine how many tears were shed when I wrote it-


	17. Chapter 16

Luke hated being wheeled around in the hospital. It was protocol, but he still hated it. And now he had to wait for at least an hour just to hear that he needed to take another medication that made him nauseous. But still, he waited and thought about what Alex was doing right now. He had English first period. Alex liked that class as much as he could with Amy sitting almost directly next to him, but he made it work and kept his gaze the opposite from wherever she was at all times.

A different nurse called Luke back this time. He secretly hoped that Dr. Hessler was working today. How can he not when he was such a nice guy. He was the epitome of the fun doctor from the shows Emily was always watching.

He waited in a room on the third floor. There was so much less commotion than before, telling that they weren't in the ER like before. It was like he was 6 again going to see his grandfather for the last time. Quiet. Slow. No wonder his grandmother was so salty, she spent all her time in such a sad place. And then his mind wandered to what she'd think if he told her he was dating a guy. His mind often wandered this far thinking of different people's reactions. It was something that could go one way or the other, and Luke liked that it was time consuming to imagine their response to the simplest sight of him and Alex just being. He couldn't help but think it was funny. Not the way Alex's parents treated him, but just that people would immediately not accept it because in their eyes it wasn't love. But it was.

Emily was out in the hall speaking with who he assumed was Dr. Hessler. When the knob turned and the door opened, he jumped not expecting their discussion to be over so soon.

"Hey buddy, how's the band?" he asks.

"I don't know, it's alright I guess. I wish I could play again."

"And you will. We just need to figure out how to get you up and at 'em again."

"Right because that's possible." Luke rolls his eyes in a playful manner. It had been so long that he felt healthy, he was starting to deliberate if it was still a possible outcome.

"It is. And I was talking with your mom, and she was telling me that you barely eat anything. Is it because you're scared to, or because you can't?"

"Both. Alex--the guy who was here last time--helps me, but almost everything I eat ends up in the toilet."

"Well I told your mother my suggestion and we both have agreed that surgery would be the best option." he says. Luke looks to his mother and then back at his doctor. "I know it's a shocker, but we've done this operation before and the results were phenomenal."

"Mom?" Luke was looking for some proof that this was real and not another one of his nightmares.

"Sweetie, it's for the best."

"I'll give you stronger medication, but in the meantime, rest up. Don't do too much, and just relax." Dr. Hessler strung a quick smile across his face. Of course giving bad news wasn't the highlight of his day, but it had to be done. His job was to make his patients recover, and this truly was the best option.

When he finally reached the car, Luke rested his head in his hands, "What am I going to tell Alex?"

"The truth." Emily tries to help, "I mean, that's all you can tell him."

"He can't handle it. Not right now." his mother looked genuinely confused. "He's just not having the best home life right now."

"Is his dad still hitting him?"

"Not that I know of. It's more of a mental thing. He came out, his dad got angry and started scaring his mom, Alex defended her, and now his sister isn't talking to him."

"What did he do?"

Luke was hesitant to tell her but he trusted that after a simple explanation, she would understand. "He punched his dad." The expected surprised look presented itself on Emily. "But it was a one time thing. He would never hit me. His dad just knows which buttons to push to get him going. The good thing is that Jan kicked him out before he could do anything else."

"Luke, if he ever does hit you-"

"No mom, Alex is not like that. He would protect me and Madi with his life." he hopes she believes him because it's the most true thing he's said in his sixteen years of living. Alex would horseplay with Reggie and Bobby, but he knows not to be too rough with Luke even if it's a joke.

The rest of the ride was silent as Luke tried to soak in the bad news. He dreaded telling Alex, but it was what had to be done. He just had to rip the band aid off, right?

"Drop me off at the school." he mumbles, eyes still fixated on the cars passing by. Emily's reaches her hand out and tousles her downhearted son's hair. He asked her yesterday if he could stay home all day and she had agreed, but now he wanted nothing more than to live his best life until this surgery ruins his summer, and going to see his friends at school didn't seem so bad anymore.

He didn't have a backpack, but everything he needed was in his locker and he didn't have anything important going on today. Alex cocked his head to the side when he saw Luke.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were staying home today?"

"I changed my mind." Luke's lips tighten into an ingenuine smile.

Alex knew something was up, "Are you okay?"

"No, yeah, I'm totally fine." Luke nodded vigorously, "Just thinking about the next gig."

"That reminds me, Sunset Curve is booked for the summer. Bobby's house was getting calls all weekend from managers who loved us."

"Anything big?"

"No. But still, that's a summer of afterparties with girls." Alex joked trying to lift his boyfriend's spirits. "That was a bad joke, but seriously, you look like you're gonna yak in a bowl. I thought your doctor gave you new meds."

"He did. Just having a slow morning." Luke knew he wouldn't be attending any of these gigs or afterparties Alex was so excited about, but he couldn't come clean. Not yet.

"Okay. I hope you start feeling better." Alex really wanted to kiss Luke on the cheek, "See you at lunch?"

"Yeah, see you then." he held his fist out for Alex to bring his to. Like bros. Alex laughed covering his confusion but brought his knuckle to Luke's.

Luke was acting WEIRD.

"What's up with guitar hero over there?" Alex asks Reggie.

"I don't know. He's your boyfriend." Reggie was wearing a hat. Reggie never wears hats.

"Yeah but you're just as close with him as I am. And I'm sure he gossips to you about me. Is he mad at me?"

"No. No, of course not. Just give him some time." Reggie was trying his hardest to cover his eyes. A hat was questionably okay, but sunglasses?

"What's with the look, James Bond?" Alex was on a roll with these nicknames.

"Just trying to look cool."

"It's not working." Alex laughs ripping the hat off of his friend's head seeing a hint of the bruise that covered Reggie's eye. He reached for the sunglasses before Reggie batted his hand away and snatched his hat back. "Is-is that a black eye?"

"No it's Amanda's eyeliner." Reggie scoffed sarcastically.

"Reggie you have to tell someo-"

"No Alex. Why don't you try to fix your own fucked up life before trying to fix mine." the bassist snapped.

"Yeah, okay asshole." Alex walks past him briefly before turning around, "And I was going to say you could stay in my garage, but fuck you."

"No, fuck you."

What was happening to Sunset Curve. It was ripping apart at the seams right before their eyes. Luke and Alex swore that even though they were dating, they would always keep Reggie in the loop, and come to think of it, they didn't keep that promise.

When it was finally lunch, Alex couldn't find Reggie anywhere. But when he walked into the cafeteria, there was Luke sitting all alone looking like a lost puppy.

"Let's go to the beach." he says abruptly when he sits across from his boyfriend.

"What? What about school?"

"It's almost summer, what are they gonna do, expel us?"

"I never struck you as a bad boy." 

"Yeah well, I didn't either."

"It's kinda gloomy out."

"So what? Let's just go and have a good time and forget about all the problems we have for one day." Luke smiled at Alex's words of bravery. He nodded and got up following Alex out of the cafeteria making sure no administrators were watching them. He was looking too suspicious, but like Alex said, it was almost the end of the school year and no one cared anymore. They jogged over to the bike racks and unlocked them in record time just as someone called to them, "Where are you going?"

They laughed to each other and pedaled against the wind in the direction of the beach beside their neighborhood. Alex and Reggie lived on the beachfront, while Luke lived all the way across the gigantic string of houses. Luckily no one would be home, and it was much too cloudy for anyone to be on the beach. Luke tipped his bike into the sand running ahead. For the first time in a long time, he wasn't sick to his stomach. (he can thank the fresh air for that) Alex took his time, taking off his shoes making sure he didn't get sand on them. Luke never cared about those kinds of things, it was one of the things the blonde loved about him.

"Lex' come on!" the bottom of his ripped jeans now submerged in water. "It's freezing!"

"I bet." Alex laughed pulling at the fabric on his thighs shortening the length of his pants to not get them wet. The cold water brushed past his skin making him tense.

Alex loved the beach, but hated the ocean. It was always so cold, and he had a slight fear of sharks. And don't even get him started on the rough waves. Today though, the little ripples of water were much less scary.

"Come here, get out of the water before you get soaked." Alex motioned his hand to the boy who was squatting low enough to touch the water with his hands. Luke grabbed it and interlocked their fingers. They walked along the shoreline hand in hand.  
\---------------  
"-and that's why I will never ever invite Bobby to a luau ever again." Alex explains exaggerating with both of his hands tugging Luke's along with it. They had gotten pretty far from the area behind Alex's house.

"Babe, that's not even that bad compared to when Reggie smashed my birthday cake in my face."

"Oh my god, I remember that! Your mom was so pissed."

"Yeah well, I would be pissed too. She had to look far and wide to find a bakery that would agree to frost a Guns N' Roses album on a goddamn cake."

"You were so high maintenance"

"I still am." Luke shrugs. There was no shame in the truth. Speaking of the truth-

"We're starting to get to the resorts." Alex pointed to the huge hotels not that far ahead of them with the hand Luke was gripping onto. "Should we turn back?" there was always more people on the beaches beside 'The Crown'. Stupid tourists.

A man was looking in their direction making Alex's stomach fill with nervous butterflies. He stopped and pulled Luke in the other direction without another word. He cleared his throat looking down at Luke who was already looking up at him.

"He wasn't gonna do anything."

"No, I know. Just making sure." he nodded along to his own words.

They stopped about halfway back to their neighborhood under a fishing dock.

"What are you doing? We still have a long way to go." Alex asked when Luke let go of his hand.

"Going for a swim." he laughs unbuckling his belt.

"What? No, we're going home."

"You can't just bring me to the beach and expect me not to swim."

"We don't have any bathing suits."

"Don't give me excuses Alexander." he smiles pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it into the sand.

"You can swim, I'll be here."

"Fine, if you won't do it yourself," Luke reaches for Alex's belt, "I'll do it for you."

"Jesus, Luke. You can't just reach for my dick in public." he pulls away looking around.

"No one can see us. You need to relax." he struggles with the blonde's waistband.

"I got it." he blurts.

"Okay." Luke throws his arms up in a surrender dropping the denim around his waist down to the sand as well, leaving him in his boxers.

"You are insane for this." Alex scoffs following him into the frostbitten water.

"It'll be fun just," his breath hitches when the water submerges his waist, "t-trust me."

"Yeah it's super fun watching you freeze to death."

"Shut up and just come on." Alex admits defeat and obeys picking up his pace to catch up to Luke. His body feels numb, but he treads through the water and slithers beside Luke.

"Should I get my hair wet?" Luke says it like it's a dare to himself.

"No you definitely should n-" he was cut off by Luke ducking his head underwater.

"Idiot." he scolds when the brunette's ears were above sea level.

"Holy shit!" his teeth chatter together.

"I told you not to." Alex's hands sway changing the current. Luke splashes him slightly. Alex splashes him back with more force. And then the splash battle of the century took place. They were shivering, but somehow they still had the strength to splash each other with all their might.

"Stop!" Luke wasn't mad, he was just getting way too cold and he could see his breath, "Stop." he says again sighing. Alex reaches out to him and pulls his hips closer by the waist. Luke smiles and wipes Alex's wet hair out of his eyes with his thumbs holding onto the sides of his face. The blonde reaches for his boyfriend's thighs wrapping them around his waist trying to catch his breath. Their faces were close enough to kiss, but they just waited there with their foreheads pressed together. Luke made the first move, slinging his arms around Alex's neck pressing their bodies together. Alex's chin rested on Luke's shoulder, their chests rising and falling heavily.

Alex craved Luke, pecking the skin on his muscular shoulder tasting the saltiness of the water on his lips. His kisses trailed to Luke's clavicle and up his neck hearing the faint whisper of his breath in his ear. Luke's hands pulled at Alex's hair as the blonde's lips traveled to his jaw, down to his throat, his arms wrapped loosely around Luke.

He pulls away with a chuckle marveling over what's his, chewing the inside of his cheek with a grin. His glance drops down to Luke's lips for a moment, asking for permission, even though the answer is quite clear.

Luke smirks leaning forward, getting the kiss he's been wishing for through this whole fucked up process of his sickness. He felt hands travel further down his back, resting below his ass before being bounced further up Alex's body. The temperature of the water wasn't even a problem anymore, even though both of their lips were practically blue. He was more focused on the dominating touch of Alex's arms and hands. His head tilts to the opposite side faintly letting his tongue graze Alex's. The only thing he can hear is the waves crashing in the distance. This felt to him like a romance scene extracted straight from a book strictly about intimacy. 

But all good things have to come to an end.

Luke pulls away slowly, breath still heaving, and trying to hide his dopey grin. "That was amazing."

"Just wait until this summer. We get to do this after every gig." he says in between short kisses.

Luke's smile drops, "Alex-"

"What? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, I-" he takes one last breath before he spills his guts to him, "I'm getting surgery at the end of the month."

"Luke that isn't funny."

"It wasn't a joke." he fakes a smile trying to lighten the mood, "But I'm okay. It's just so I can eat."

"I thought that was the purpose of the new meds."

"They don't work long term. Some genetic shit." he trails off, "But the good news is, the surgery worked for another kid at the hospital." his legs unwrap from Alex's waist and touch the ocean floor. The water seems frosty once more now that he and Alex aren't chest to chest, "I'm cold."

"Me too. Can we go now?"

"Yeah." Luke follows Alex into the breezy air which is somehow colder. "Thanks for... thanks for doing this, even though you didn't want to."

"Remind me never to follow along with one of your ideas ever again."

"You liked it, don't lie."

"Okay maybe a little, but still."  
\---------------------  
When they finally got back to Alex's house, school was supposed to be over anyways. Alex kissed Luke goodbye and walked into his house with his cheeks still red.

"I'm home!" he called to anyone who was in the house with him jogging over to the stairs. He saw his mom sitting at the kitchen table, so he backtracked and went to join her. But low and behold, there was his father sitting next to her, like they were waiting for him to come home.

"Why are your pants wet?" his mom asks.

"Luke and I went to the beach after school. Why is he here?"

"Alex, he feels really bad about what he did to me, and he wants to come home."

"What about what he did to me?"

"He shouldn't have talked down to you, but you know how we feel about homosexuality in this house."

"But I thought you said I couldn't help it?"

"You can't, and that's why we're gonna help you." she looks to her husband. "I spoke with pastor Dean, and he said that it is completely normal for boys your age to go through this phase. We can fix you." there is hope in her eyes.

"There's nothing to fix. There's nothing wrong with me."

"Now buddy-" his dad speaks up with a surprisingly soft tone.

"No! I love Luke. I love him! And you can't take that away from me. I won't let you."

"You don't have a choice." his dad is awfully close to his face, "Because if you want to keep living under my roof, you play by my rules. You got that?"

Alex stays silent trying to ignore him.

"You got that!?"

"Yes sir." he whimpers.

"Now go to your room."

"Michael, I thought we were going to discuss this with hospitality."

"Hospitality? Our son is a fag and you want hospitality?"

Alex hopes she snaps at him again, but she can't save him this time. His life was now in the hands of his father. He climbs up the stairs, feet dragging like bricks. When he passes Madi's room, she doesn't even give him the time of day to look at him.

Reggie was right, his life really is fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me doing research on his disease like: 🤔☝
> 
> no but fr I'm sorry I haven't been posting like regular. The holidays really messed me up and gave me a writers block.


	18. Chapter 17

"Alex, you know girls. How do I ask Janice out?" Bobby paces in the studio. The three of his bandmates sit in front of him watching him walk back and forth.

"I think you've gone mentally insane."

"What? You have tons of friends that are girls."

"That doesn't mean I know how to ask them out."

"Look," Luke stands up unwrapping Alex's arm from his shoulder, "you just have to walk up to her," he makes a visualizing motion with his hand, "and ask her. She likes you bro, she's gonna say yes."

"Yeah, but what if I make a fool out of myself."

"We've been over this thousands of times. Just walk up to her and ask her on a date." Alex suggests still sitting on the couch. Luke looks at him and then gives Bobby a smile that just says 'he's right bro'.

"Dates aren't really my forte."

"They are now." Luke sits back into Alex's arms, "You need to make your move on her before I go under for surgery because I want to be well enough to hear about all the drama."

"How do you guys go on dates with your... you know." he asks the room trying to be inclusive for Luke and Alex.

"I just drive Amanda wherever she wants to go." Reggie is still wearing the stupid hat and glasses.

"Yeah, and me and Luke just sneak out to each other's houses when our parents are asleep and just hang out."

"So... what? Do I take her out or stay in?"

"Definitely stay in. She strikes me as an indoor girl." Luke leans into Alex's touch.

"Yeah and you struck me as _into_ girls, but look at where we are now." Luke smiles and leans in to meet Alex's lips despite Bobby, "Great, and now they're kissing." he throws up his arms panicked.

"Dude, you need to relax." Reggie fidgets with his sunglasses. "Just fucking ask her out, no big deal. I've never seen you worked up for anything in your entire life, so don't start now."

"You're right. I just have to wing it." he cracks his neck to the side and shakes his arms out, "Okay, you two can stop kissing now."

"We were just waiting for this hot mess to be over." Bobby gives Luke a sarcastic smile.

"Can we just rehearse already, god. I'm tired of hearing all of your bickering." Reggie sits back into the chair.

"Since when are you mopey and sad, perk up bro." Luke really doesn't know what's gotten into him. But he has noticed that he and Alex won't even look at each other since last week. He thought they would work it out, but this is getting out of hand.

"Since I learned the hard way that," he pulls off his little disguise, "dads' can be mean."

"Holy shit!" Bobby curses leaning down to take a better look at his black eye that seemed to get worse since the last time Alex had seen it. The drummer's face flushes, ashamed that he let Reggie go back into his parent's hands knowing something was going on.

He'd had his fair share of hits to the face from his dad, and he wished that someone would notice and invite him to stay somewhere, and even if they were in a little disagreement about something he couldn't remember anymore, he should have been there for his friend instead of throwing him to the sharks. He was evil. Alex Mercer was evil. At least he thought so.

"Reggie, I'm so sorry." he manages. The rest of the band looks in his direction, seeing tears well up in his eyes.

"Fuck you, Alex."

"Hey, hey. Woah." Luke defends his boyfriend, "Don't talk to him like that. Whatever happened, he's sorry about it so can you just let it go."

"Alex, buddy, why don't you come with me to get Reg an ice pack." Bobby leads him out of the garage leaving Luke to knock some sense into their bassist.

"What happened to you? The Reggie I know would stand up for his bandmates." he sits as close to him as possible, "All of them, no matter what happened."

"You don't get it." Reggie makes himself look small trying to avoid conflict.

"Well, help me. Because you can't yell at him like that, no matter what is going on at home."

"It's not just what's happening at home." Reggie admits, immediately regretting it.

"What? Did you and Amanda split?" 

"No. It's just... never mind."

"No, tell me."

"I said never mind."

"Come on, just tell me. I'm your best friend." the words burn at Reggie's insides.

"Dawson... he got deployed _again,_ and my parents are going off the deep end trying to get me to get straight a's and only focus on school, but I just want to spend time with my friends and my girlfriend."

"So he hit you?"

"Yeah, and you and Alex get to hang out whenever you want at your house, no questions asked. And I'm jealous." he admits.

"That's not true. Alex's parents hate him coming over, he has to lie and say he's going to your house. And my parents, they're supportive, but it's not the same. They're always on edge waiting for me to lean into him or something like it's special. I mean don't get me wrong, it is, it's just, if I had a girlfriend, they wouldn't care what I did with her."

"Yeah, but you're lucky they let him come over at all. If I told my parents I was bi, they'd make me make out with Amanda right in front of them just to prove I liked girls."

Luke shudders, "That's fucked up."

Reggie just shrugs like it's no big deal, "That's just the way things are in my house."

Alex and Bobby return and hand him some ice.

Luke walks up to him and cups his boyfriend's face. "You okay?" Alex nods. Luke pecks his lips, "I love you." he brings him into a sentimental hug, supportively holding the back of his head. At this point, he knows what Alex needs to keep him content.

"Alex, man, I'm sorry. I should have let it go." Reggie reaches out his hand for the drummer to take it, "Come on bro."

Alex takes it and brings him into a bro hug that slowly becomes a real one.

"Sorry I was an asshole." Alex admits finally letting him go.

"I deserved it."

"No, you didn't. And you can stay here as long as you want. But if you hear my dad coming, please hide." he remembers the painful events of the last time Reggie spent the night in his garage.

"I probably shouldn't. He's my dad, he'll come around."

"Now that you two have sorted out your little hissy fit, can we get to work on this new song?" Bobby asks reaching for his guitar.

"Yeah, Luke. What are we working on today?" Reggie puts the sunglasses back on.

"It's a song called 'Late Last Night', I wrote it late last night." he laughs. "Alex, I think that if you did a solid 4 beat rhythm (I don't know the terms so please don't cancel me) it could be wicked."

"When are we playing this?" the blonde asked fiddling with his drumsticks.

"Drew's throwing a party this Friday for the last day of school and asked us to play."

"Why are there two guitar riffs?"

"Because I want to play before I'm out for the summer."

"No. You can't. Your doctor said to relax and do the bare minimum."

"This is the best I've felt since there was snow on the ground. I'm playing that show."

"No you're not. And fuck, I'm telling your mom that you need to be on house arrest."

"Alex, if you tell her I'll break up with you I swear to god." he wasn't being serious. Alex knew that. "Just please let me do this one thing."

"Fine, but if you start to feel sick, you have to tell me."

"Deal. Oh, and bring your bathing suits, it's a pool party."

Bobby and Reggie have learned to ignore their arguments and just mind their business. They've seen how it can go down when Madi tried to get them to stop fighting and they just ended up screaming louder at each other. But it wasn't violent fighting, just random arguments about Luke stealing Alex's favorite shirt, or why Alex wasn't going to do Luke's homework for him.

What can you expect from two idiots that have been best friends for ten years, and in recent times, have fallen in love? It wasn't their fault they were almost polar opposites, but hey, opposites attract. Right?

This song was Luke's favorite that he had written so far even though it only took him thirty minutes to jot down his thoughts. It was real, deep, late night thoughts that he poured into a song, it was beautiful and punk rock at the same time, and that's what kind of music Luke was a junkie for.

When he was younger, he and Alex used to run around his house listening to the theme to Rocky pretending to knock each other's skulls out after they watched the movie for the first time. That was the moment that he really understood music. There were barely any lyrics, but it meant something, because Rocky was training for the fight of his life, and the music really did mean something to Luke. Of course, the Mercer's weren't happy with him when Alex came home with a jabbed lip, but it was an accident.

When Bobby and Reggie packed up their instruments and headed home for the day, Alex and Luke spent a bit of _alone_ time in the garage. Sure their kiss on the beach was romantic, but they hadn't been hot for each other then, but they sure were now. Kissing with their hands on each other's cocks, just like they did in Luke's room. It didn't take long for them to finish, but when they did it was like eating after fasting for a week. Of course, Luke knew what that felt like, and maybe this felt a little better. It was pure, confidential time that they spent with each other that was long awaited by Alex especially. Lets just say that 'Late Last Night' written by Alex would be a whole lot sexier.

"Alex," Luke's chest heaves, "I want to tell you something that I've been thinking about a lot."

"Anything."

"My songbook. If anything happens to me-" 

"Luke you're not gonna die." Alex laughs at how ridiculous his boyfriend sounds before he realizes he's serious. 

"I know, just saying if I were to, for any reason. My songbook is yours. You can record the songs. You can tweak them. You can do whatever the hell you want with them. Just please, promise me you'll take care of them."

"Luke... I don't understand."

"You don't have to. And hopefully you never will. I'm just telling you." he pulls his underwear up and leans forward to grab the book itself. He opens it to the front page.

_Alex,_

_I wrote this just incase my surgery doesn't work. Take good care of these, because I wrote them all about you. I love you and I hope that the guy you meet after me, because trust me you will find one, will treat you twice as good as I did because you deserve it. I love you._

_-Lukas Maximus Patterson_

_(you're right it is better)_

"Luke, what the fuck? You better not be thinking of killing yourself." 

"I'm not, I promise. I just really want something you can remember me by, not just a random memory of me sucker punching you in the face when we were eight."

"And the boxing champion of 1976 is _Rocky Balboa!"_ Alex jokes. He is desperate as hell to change the subject. He doesn't want to think about his boyfriend dying before he turns 18 or possibly even 17. It's tough shit, but somehow he stays happy with a gut feeling that he'll be fine, but he can see why Luke would want to do this. His boyfriend never wanted to be in the shadows and live someone else's life, he wanted to write songs and headline shows. And living his dream through Alex was the next best thing because if he were to die, he would die with Alex legitimately being the love of his life. He can appreciate the thought process that was going through Luke's head when he decided to write it.

He pulls up his own underwear, pulling Luke on top of his chest. "You know, I don't think you're gonna die. I think you're just anxious about it."

"Pshh. Me? Anxious?"

"It takes one to know one, and I am definitely one." he kisses his Luke's hair, "You'll be fine." At least he hopes so. But he has to be strong even though all he wants to do is curl up in a ball just thinking about Luke dying. "If it makes you feel any better, I've had surgery before."

"No shit... where?"

"Got my appendix out before I even moved to California."

"Did it hurt?"

"I don't remember, I was only five. But my mom said I was really loopy when I woke up. Actually my mom told me that I kept trying to make Madi laugh the entire time, but I was just out of it." they both laugh, "You have nothing to be worried about."

Luke and Alex stay there, talking and sharing quick kisses until Madi knocks at the door and tells them it's time for dinner. Of course they have to say goodbye now, because there is no way that Alex's parents are going to let Luke eat over any time soon.

"See you tomorrow?" Alex backs toward the doors.

"Yeah."

And then the drummer was gone. Luke stayed in the garage playing with some chords and writing down a few lyrics that were spinning around his head. He knew he wasn't going to die, but there's always a possibility.

Meanwhile, inside, Alex sits around the table with strangers that used to be his family. It's silent, he can tell that there's something on their tongues that they just won't say.

"Melissa is coming over on Friday for the last day of school." Madi breaks the tension, poking at her food as she does so.

"That's great sweetie. Alex? Do you have any plans with your friends?" his mother turns to him. He knows she loves him, and she didn't mean any harm from their encounter where his dad took it way too far. But things between him and his mom aren't the same, and maybe they never will be again.

"There's this gig at Drew's house."

"Drew? I haven't heard that name in forever." his mother's face lightens up.

Drew used to be his best friend, among Reggie, Luke, and Bobby of course, but they were just as close.

Were.

Drew accused him of stealing his basketball that was signed by Michael Jordan back in the 8th grade. Of course Alex didn't take it, he had no interests in basketball, and even if he did, he knew how special that was to Drew. Long story short, Drew very slowly became his bully. Alex didn't want to blame him, because he loved that ball so much, and someone ripped that away from him, and pointing fingers at Alex was the only reasonable explanation for it disappearing.

He wasn't too excited to play at his house in the next few days, but Drew was rich (telling that he had a hundred dollar basketball) and he would pay them well for playing at his party.

He never told anyone about Drew being mean to him, including Luke, so how is he supposed to pretend like everything is cool when it's open season as soon as he walks into that party full of jocks. Well, he'll do what he does best, act invisible.

"Alex, stop looking for attention." Madi rolls her eyes at him.

"I wasn't looking for attention _Madeline,_ mom was the one who asked what I was doing."

"I'm sorry _Alexander_ , can you repeat that? I couldn't hear you over the sounds of you beating dad up that just resurfaced in my head." that was like a slap in the face to Alex. He was sorry, about everything, but she still couldn't get over it.

"I was just trying to be a good big brother and protect you, and mom."

"Yeah well, what happened to your saying? 'My deepest darkest monsters live in that man, and I would die before I turn into him'? Huh? What happened to that?" he had completely forgotten that was a thing he used to say to her when she was scared. Their dad was sitting right beside him, and he wasn't too happy, but stayed quiet.

"Are you ever going to get past this? Or are you just going to make me apologize every single day of my life until I die?"

"Or." she drops her fork and crosses her arms creating a defensive front. 

"Well that's just great." he licks at his teeth and his hands start shaking in anger and frustration, "First, my boyfriend gets diagnosed with this disease-"

"Alex!" his mother interjects.

"I'm not done! First, that happens. Then, I started having panic attacks almost regularly. And then, my own dad refuses to accept who I am and tells me I don't have a choice in dating Luke. Oh and the cherry on top! My sister, the one who has always had my back, tells me that she's afraid of me." he starts laughing hysterically, "Oh! Oh I almost forgot! Luke, is getting surgery in the next few weeks, and you guys won't even let me see him!" he bites on his knuckle trying to contain his tears and his chuckles all at once. "So there it is! That is me expressing my anger without punching dad. You happy now?"

His whole family is dumbfounded. They don't know if he needs a hug or a break. This is the second meltdown he's had at the dinner table alone, and they're getting worried. His mom is disappointed in herself for not seeing that her son needed help a long time ago.

"Can I hug you?" his mother asks, because she really doesn't know if that's what he wants right now. He didn't like being touched by anyone other than Luke at the moment, so she was worried that he had lost his trust in her. But sure enough, he nodded and leaned his head into her chest.

"M-Michael," her breath hitches, "why don't you take Madeline to the park for a while?" she just wants some alone time with her son. She wants to be in his life again.

"Yeah." his dad also had concern on his face for the first time in forever.

Alex was their first born child, and the light in his mom's eye. Even his dad fell in love at first sight. After all, he did get the boy that he wanted. But Alex was special. He didn't want to play catch, or go to football games, he wanted to stay inside and listen to music. His dad didn't appreciate that at all, and their relationship started to go downhill from there. But maybe deep down, he did want to communicate with his son like Mitch did with Luke. He's seen it so many times when they had barbecues together, and Mitch would teach Luke how to hit a baseball. He wanted that with his son, but Alex wasn't wired that way.

"Can we just stay here for a little while?" tears are falling down his face, but he isn't freaking out. He's found his strength, and there's no way he's losing it now.

"Of course baby." she holds him closer, her hands running through his hair like Luke does when they cuddle. She is crying harder than he is, but trying not to show it.

"I love you, mom." a tear falls to her jeans below him.

"I-" she couldn't speak. "I love you t-too." she says between forced breaths. "And I'm sorry that I m-made you feel like you cou-couldn't talk to me about Luke."

They stay there for many moments, soaking in each other's touch until Alex's thoughts run wild again.

"Do you hate me being gay?" he sits up, removing himself from her touch, cutting right to the chase.

"Of course not. I thought for the longest time that I could change it, but now I'm trying to learn and understand. And I meant when I said that you couldn't help it. I just thought that god wanted me to help you when I told you that you needed to change."

"Does he? Want you to help me that is."

"No. No, I don't think he does. But I still think Luke is a bad influence."

"How many times do I have to tell you, he's a great guy."

"Yeah, well great guys are the ones who end up being the worst." he can tell she's talking about his father. "Just be careful. Boys can be mean."

"Oh trust me, I know." he leans back into her, "Are we okay again?"

"Yeah, I think we are. And I'm not going to let your dad walk all over you like he did last week ever again. That was cruel."

"Thanks." he smiles, "now what am I going to do about Madi hating me?"

"She does not _hate_ you, she just wishes that you weren't so alike to your father."

"What? We are not alike."

"Oh come on, yes you are. You two are like mirror images of each other with different opinions. You crack under pressure, and lose your temper when it's been building up for too long. But he shouldn't hit you even though you don't get along."

"Tell that to him."

"I have. And he's been trying." Alex doesn't believe a word she's saying, "He really is. But you two can be stubborn, so I don't know if it'll ever be like it used to when you were in grade school."

"He doesn't love me like you do." he nuzzles his face further into her body. She just sighs and rests into the hug.

* * *

"Last day of school!" Bobby high five's Luke when he meets the three of them in the quad.

"You're in a good mood." Reggie laughs having gotten rid of the sunglasses, but still rocking the hat.

"Yeah well, it's the last day of school," he isn't finished with the good news, "and Janice is my date to the party."

"What?! No way dude that's great." Alex is happy that he's finally found someone that has gotten Bobby out of his whore phase.

"I'm thinking we have a few drinks tonight in my hot tub after the party." the smile on his face is infectious.

"I can't drink." Luke pipes.

"Alright, we'll smoke then. Can you smoke?"

"Can I?" he turns to Alex knowing that he would say no but still giving it a shot.

"How strong is it?" Alex is actually considering this since he might need to take a little edge off too.

"My weakest batch yet."

"Alright. One blunt. But that's it." Luke is confused, but doesn't ask questions.

"Alex my man, can't remember the last time you've smoked."

"That's because I haven't."

"Well, first times for everything right?" the phrase rings in the back of his head remembering thinking of it during his first make out session he's ever had in his life that actually meant something to him. That was fine, so what's the difference with smoking weed?

* * *

"I can't feel my hands." he laughs wiggling his fingers when he passes the blunt to Luke for the second time, repositioning him on his lap. "And all I want to do right now is rub one out in the bathroom." his eyes are wide, and the whole group starts giggling uncontrollably.

"Alex, bro, does this feel amazing or does this feel fucking amazing?" Bobby reaches for the blunt in Luke's hand.

"I feel amazing." he relaxes into the seat in the warm water. "I mean, fucking amazing." he was losing his train of thought.

"Just wait until the first time you fuck while you're high." Reggie slightly splashes him, "It feels even better."

Luke kisses the drummer, "You wanna go have sex?" Alex asks before bursting into laughter and forgetting he even said it.

"I like this Alex. He's a lot less uptight." Bobby splashes his way as well, trying not to knock Janice off of his lap.

"Am I the only one who's never been stoned before?"

"Yeah." the whole group says together making them all laugh again.

"But it's okay because we can do this all summer." Janice grabs her drink that she brought from the party. "Without Luke."

"Nah, I don't do anything without this loser." he grabs at Luke's thighs that are strung out on his lap. He doesn't even know what happened, but all of a sudden his tongue is down Luke's throat, and his eyes are closed. Reggie was right, this did feel a lot better than when he was sober. He had almost forgotten everyone else was around them, but he didn't care.

Bobby burns out the blunt on the side of the hot tub and throws it in the grass as they continue. Everyone was just watching them, kind of shocked that Alex was used to kissing Luke like this.

When they pull away, Alex's eyes are glossy, and it's either because he's high out of his mind, or because he's feeling love. Luke likes to think it's both. "Alex, that was so hot man." Bobby admits getting a smack on the shoulder by Janice, "I'm straight but holy fuck, I'd pay big bucks to make out with you." no one was going to remember this by morning.

"Yeah have you ever thought of kissing a girl?" Janice laughs. She would not suggest doing that if she wasn't as high as a kite.

"I've actually made out with Amanda before." he weakly points to her, "and a couple of other girls." he has a dopey smile on his face.

"Is he a good kisser?" Bobby asks Luke and Amanda proving the theory to be true.

"I mean yeah, he's alright." Amanda winks in a teasing way toward Bobby.

"I am really horny right now." Reggie says out of the blue leaning his head back looking to the sky.

"Me too." Janice does the same.

"Me three." Alex follows pursuit, laughing. "Babe, look at the stars." he points to the sky.

"Those aren't stars you dumbass, that's a plane." Luke leans back into his chest.

"You should have never let me get high." he laughs wrapping his arms around his boyfriend.

"I didn't let you do shit. I asked you if we could do this, remember?"

"No."

Luke laughs and looks back up at the sky with the rest of his group. Maybe they were stars and he was just tripping out.


	19. Chapter 18

Alex dwelled on what it felt like to not have to deal with his problems for a while. He really, really liked it. So he told his parents he was going on a walk, and wound up on Bobby's front porch knocking.

"Alex? Bro, what're you doing here?" he stepped outside and closed the door behind him.

"Do you have something... anything?"

"I can't keep giving you guys stuff when you need it. I sell for a reason... remember?"

Bobby sold drugs to help his parents pay the bills and get his four-year-old brother, Colton, the things his parents couldn't afford. He told his parents he had a job, but no one would hire a rock star who failed two grades.

"Just this once."

"No, Alex. It's Colton's birthday in a few weeks."

"So?" now Alex was being plain selfish, and he knew it, but he just didn't care anymore.

"Reggie was right, you really did turn into an asshole." Bobby scoffs and retreats to go back inside. "And while Luke recovers, you might wanna try not to be such a dick to him."

"Wait-" the door shuts in his face. "Bobby, I didn't mean it like that," but he did.

The door opens back up, "I get it. You love him and you need a break, but I can't just keep giving you guys stuff just because you want it."

"When have I ever asked you for a favor? Just... please?"

"You got money?"

"No, but-"

"Then no." Bobby wasn't going to relent, he was dead serious.

"I don't know what else to do."

"Go see him, hold him, be with him." Colton opens the door wider, and Alex tries to paste on a happy face. Bobby picks him up and lets him rest on his hip. "I used to use all the time, and then he was born and I can't bring myself to anymore."

"When you were twelve?"

"Yep, my parents weren't the best and I had no one. But then he became my reason, and it led me to meeting you guys so I guess my life isn't so terrible all because of him."

All of a sudden Colton's arms were reaching out for Alex to hold him, and then Alex had him on his hip.

"I think Luke is my reason. Not for staying out of trouble, but for staying alive." he admits. "I didn't really like myself at all when I was figuring myself out. I thought that I was just making it up to get attention. I just didn't care if I died, but now, I'm scared of it because I'm worried our next kiss will be the last." Alex sighs, "He is the only real person I would die _for._ _"_

"And he's not bad looking either, so there's that."

"It's not even about that. Like he's hot or whatever, but that's not even the best part. The best part is when he hugs me for well over a minute and ruffles my hair. Or when we laugh so hard in the middle of the night and we try not to be too loud. Or when he plays with my rings. Or when he licks his teeth when he writes songs." he didn't want to go on for too long. "God, I would literally do _anything_ for him. Saying 'I love you' doesn't even sum up what I feel for him anymore, because it's so much more than love at this point."

Bobby's smile had faded. He liked Janice, but he wasn't in love with her. Alex starts bouncing Colton on his hip, and swaying to keep him entertained. He was happy he could vent to someone about this, because his parents sure didn't want to hear about it.

"I can't even put it to words."

"I feel that way about him." Bobby refers to his little brother. "I would quite literally jump in front of a train to save him."

"Exactly. And that's why I get so anxious when I think about this surgery, because I feel like I should be in his position. I should be the one going through pain, not him."

"But drugs aren't the way, trust me."

"I just didn't know what else to do, because Reggie and I aren't really in a good place right now, and he sure wasn't going to talk like this with me."

"I get it. But even if you did have money, I wouldn't have given you anything."

"It's cool." they stand there awkwardly for a while.

"So go and be with him." Bobby takes Colton back, "and just know, I'm here for you man."

"Thanks." they bump fists.

* * *

Alex didn't head straight to Luke's house. He knew in his heart that he was sleeping, and he wasn't going to wake him because he needed his rest. He just dragged his feet for miles with his hands in his pockets, and remembered every good moment he's ever had with Luke. It made him smile, and it made him sad too, but he kept it together. It was starting to get dark, and he felt alone, so ultimately he just started running back to where Luke lives.

"Alex? I didn't know you were coming over." Mitch steps aside to let him in. Luke is sitting on the couch next to his mother, leaning into her. He smiles and pats beside him for Alex to sit there.

"What're we watching?" he asks plopping next to Luke, feeling him lean to his side.

"Boy Meets World." Alex was still trying to catch his breath from running, "Baby, your heart is racing. Are you having a panic attack?" Emily and Mitch look concerned as well.

"No, I'm fine. I just went for a run is all."

Luke's hand was placed right above his pounding heart. Alex just held it there and pecked their lips together lightly, and then his heart fluttered when Luke reached for the ring on his thumb and started fidgeting with it as they watched the show. Alex tried so hard not to think about how different their lives will be in such short time.

 _Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't_ cry.

"Hey." Luke is whispering in his ear, "I'll be okay. I promise." his heart rate has gone down, but somehow, it starts back up again just seeing the beauty in Luke's face. Alex just smiles and rests his hand in Luke's hair.

That night, he lays in his bed with him, trying to get him to fall asleep. It's no use. Luke is slightly shaking, and Alex just shushes him and pets his hair, humming Wicked Game by Chris Isaak (it's a rlly good song btw) softly. Luke's arms wrap around him so tightly, Alex might suffocate, but he doesn't say anything, because it wouldn't do any good. Luke mumbles something into his lover's chest, and then turns away from him, Alex just assumes he wants him to spoon him from behind, so he does, leaving tiny kisses on his shoulder.

"Why me?" Alex can hear him loud and clear. "Out of all people, why me?"

"I don't know baby. Bad things happen, and I don't know why."

"Maybe the man upstairs is trying to teach my parents a lesson. Like 'you have one kid, don't screw it up'."

"What do you mean?"

"My mom had a miscarriage before I was even born. A girl. They were gonna name her Chloe. And I don't know, I kinda feel like it's my job to stay alive for their happiness. And maybe he's trying to teach them that they can have other happiness other than me."

"What do you think would happen if you did... cease to exist."

"I don't know. I try not to think about it. I like to think that you and I will be living on the east coast with Bobby and Reg somewhat close, adopt a couple of kids, and die of old age."

"How many kids do you want?"

"I'm thinking three. We'll live in a big house, because all of our songs will be hits, and we can raise them there."

"Won't it get lonely?"

"Nah, we'll have 'Uncle Reggie' and 'Uncle Bobby' over all the time, they'll keep us company."

Alex laughs, "I want to name one of our kids Emily, after your mom. At least a middle name."

"Okay. But if we have a son, we're naming him after David Gilmour."

"No, Luke. We're not naming our son after a Pink Floyd band member."

"Why not?"

"Because I was thinking more of like... Parker."

"Why Parker?" Luke can't help but laugh.

"You know, Parker. Everyone wants to be friends with a kid named Parker."

"I would never be friends with a kid named Parker."

"What's wrong with kids named Parker?"

"They're uptight."

"Stereotypical. What if I said kids named Luke are annoying?"

"Then I'd say kids named Alex aren't funny."

"What? You laugh at my jokes all the time."

"Charity work." Luke giggles, turning to face Alex again, their limbs now tangled together. Luke's hands drift to touch Alex's face structure. It's almost pitch black in his room other than the night light he's had since he was born. His thumb dances over Alex's lips.

"That reminds me." Alex pulls off the ring that Luke liked to play with the most, "Tomorrow, if you're scared, let this be a reminder that I love you, and that I will never let anything happen to you." the ring barely fits onto Luke's smaller hands, but it works.

"I love you too." Luke pulls him in, Alex notices a glint in his eye that just makes him want to melt. Luke chuckles and attaches their lips, hands roaming wherever they could reach.

"You're supposed to be relaxing." Alex whispers, still pressed up against Luke.

"I am relaxing." but Alex knows that he needs his sleep, so they stop. Luke throws his shirt to the corner of his room along with Alex's. It's warm, and good, and Luke finally realizes that no matter what happens, it won't change what they have.

* * *

Alex just waited by the phone all day, sitting at his kitchen table, hoping that Emily would call him and tell him he could come over, shuffling a deck of cards to pass the time.

He wasn't allowed to be at the hospital when he woke up, so he had to wait for the all clear.

"You wanna play cards?" he asks Madi as she slipped through the kitchen to get a snack.

"Sure, what do you wanna play?" she sits across from him.

"Go fish?"

"Sure." she takes the cards from him and deals them. Alex stays silent, trying not to ruin the moment. They were at peace with each other once again.

"You got any 7's?"

"Go fish."

Three rounds go by, and Madi wins every single one of them, and then the phone rings. Alex almost knocks the table over from how fast he jolted up and ran to the phone.

"Emily? .... Yeah. .... How is he? .... That's great. .... Yeah I'll be over in no time." he hangs up and frantically looks around for his flip flops.

"Wait, but Alex-" 

"Not right now Mads, I gotta go." he grabs his keys and runs out the door, he figured he could get there much faster in his parent's car. He hoped they didn't mind.

Emily was waiting for him outside, as he parked his car and jogged up to her, pulling her into a hug.

"Just warning you, he's really out of it." she says, walking him into the house. 

Luke is sprawled out on the couch, eyes heavy, "Hey." he says weakly.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"Reggie and Bobby want to come over, should I tell them no?" Emily asks.

"They can come over. But I wanna be in my room."

"Sweetie, it's just a few stairs, but can you wait a few days? You need to rest." she tries to persuade him, but it's Luke she's talking to, and she knows that he'll complain until he gets what he wants.

"I can carry him." Alex offers. "Or if that's too much, I can just help him."

"Yeah, you get one arm, I'll get the other." Luke reaches out to her.

When they help him sit up, Alex can see the pain in Luke's face. "You okay?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine."

When they finally get him to his room, they gingerly lay him down on his bed and cover him in his blanket.

"I'm dizzy." Luke's hand flies to his forehead.

"I'll get you some water." Alex races to the kitchen. When he gets back, Luke is already half asleep with Emily holding his hand. He sets the water on the night stand and climbs over to the other side of Luke, trying his best to avoid contact to where his skin is sore. Emily is crying, Alex can't help but notice, and she's gripping her son's hand like it's the last time she'll ever see him.

"Mom, please don't cry." Luke chokes, still on the verge of falling asleep.

"I'll- I'll leave you and Alex to it." she presses a kiss to his knuckle and holds in her sobs until she closes his bedroom door behind her.

Luke just soaks in his boyfriend's presence, happy that he's even there. Alex reaches for Luke's hand this time, holding it in his lap. They just look at each other for a moment.

"We're not gonna be sad." Alex jolts up, "Nope, we're gonna find something in here that makes you smile."

Luke closes his eyes and grins while Alex rummages in his closet.

"What's this?" he pulls out a small stuffed bear.

"Winnie." he sighs.

"This is Winnie? God, I haven't seen this thing in forever."

"Yeah, she's old, so please be careful with her."

"I'll just put her back then."

"Wait no, come here."

Alex sits where Emily was next to him, "Mwah!" he presses the bear's snout to Luke's cheek, pretending it kissed him. Luke reaches for her, placing her on his chest.

"My grandpa got this for me before he died." Luke frowned.

"Goddammit, I wanted to make you happy."

"You always make me happy, way more than a stuffed bear."

The doorbell rings, and they hear footsteps come up the stairs. They expected Bobby and Reggie, but it was Emily and Luke's grandma.

Alex had only met her a few times, and she was nice, but he could tell Luke was a little uncomfortable with her being around.

"Hey grandma." he sets the bear on his nightstand.

"Hey sweetie." she kisses his cheek. "Hi Alex." she hugs him as well.

"Hi Ms. Maria."

"I thought it would be good if she came over to help out for a while, especially because your dad works more hours this week." Emily smiles at Luke. He shakes his head at her when his grandma turns away. "But uh, we're gonna start on dinner. Alex, if you wanna stay over, you can. Reggie is coming too."

"Thanks Emily." he smiles.

"I hate her." Luke says abruptly when they're out of sight.

"Why?"

"Because my mom told me this story about her calling me gay when I was young, and she used to scream at my mom when I was around."

"Really? She just seems like a sweet old lady."

"Don't let her deceive you, and if she asks you about what you've been doing, please don't mention us, or you being gay. I don't need that right now."

"I won't." Alex lays next to him, brushing his thumb along his cheek. Luke melts into his touch. Alex smiles and brings his lips to Luke's forehead. "Don't let her freak you out."

Luke's eyes begin to shut, "Thanks Lex." he rests into his arm. Alex can see him drift off to sleep, peacefully. He smiles, and tucks Luke's hair behind his ear.

"Yo what's up fuckers." Reggie laughs entering the room. Alex flails his hands at him to get him to be quiet. "Sorry." he whispers.

"It's fine." Alex stands up, handing Luke his bear in replace of his boyfriend. "We should just wait downstairs." they tip toe down the stairs and into the living room.

"Do you need help Mrs. Patterson?" Reggie asks.

"Yeah, can you guys roll the chicken in the seasoning over there?"

"Sure thing." Alex smiles.

"It's a shame that that boy has to go through this." his grandma says when they finally sit around the table. They decided it would be best to let Luke sleep it off upstairs.

"Well, it's better than letting him be in pain for the rest of his life." Emily takes a bite. Alex nervously hides his face, worried he'll say something wrong.

"Alex, honey, it's alright." she reaches for his hand that's placed on the table, noticing there's something wrong with his demeaner. "Do you want to talk, outside maybe?"

He nods. She leads him to their back patio and closes the door behind them. Alex sits in one of the chairs, holding his head with his hands.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" she squats beside him, rubbing his back supportively. He shakes his head and leans back into the chair.

"Are you worried you'll say something bad in front of my mom?" she asks. He nods again.

"Alex, even if you did say something, it'll go right over her head. She's a little old so..." she makes him laugh. "Luke doesn't like her very much, but she's not that bad, I promise."

A tear rolls down his cheek, "You're more of a mother to me than my mom." he sighs.

"Don't say that, she loves you."

"Yeah, but she doesn't act like it most of the time. Luke's lucky to have you as a mom." it makes her smile.

"Well, Luke's lucky to have you, too." he didn't want to take the compliment. He always got nervous when people would genuinely compliment him, because he felt like he didn't need the pity, but Emily giving him one was nice. "You ready to go back inside?" again with his nodding. She smiles and leads him inside, seeing Reggie and Luke's grandma up from the table and working in the kitchen.

"Mrs. Maria said she would teach me how to make her churros." Reggie informs them.

"Always workin' the room." Alex playfully shoves his head before sitting back at the table to finish his meal. 

"Hey Alex, Reggie was catching me up on what I've been missing. He mentioned your girlfriend, what's her name?"

Alex looks to Emily again. She mouths 'don't stress it' and places her hand on his shoulder.

"Uh, we actually broke up." that's all he could come up with on such short notice.

"What!" Reggie jokes, "I really liked her."

Alex smiles his way and his cheeks flush.

He was just thankful of Emily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is my lalex playlist (for spotify)  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6lUZcp4oPmkAkhjWpfo6VU?si=-gl9AZyvShGIvmNf40gMCA
> 
> also I just wanna say that this chapter isn't my best work, but I feel bad for keeping the people who still read this waiting.
> 
> lastly, I want to thank everyone who is in fact still reading, I know that making luke sick is a bit of a turn off for readers, but I promise, the story will come together in the end


	20. Chapter 19

Alex sat on his bed, reading a novel he found in his parents room. That was all that kept his mind away from things recently, and this was a pretty bulky one. He read through four books in the past week, but this one was taking forever. It was nice, and he was starting to become a fan of Stephen King's ability to write such long literature.

"Alex?" there was a knock at his door.

"Come in." he called closing the book and sitting up. His father walked in, calm and relaxed.

Peculiar.

"Yes?"

"Uh, can we talk?"

Alex motioned to the foot of his bed for him to sit down. His father wasn't the type of guy to ask for permission, he just did what he pleased, so this should be good.

"I'm trying." he starts, "I'm trying to put myself in your shoes a bit, and now that I have, I want to apologize."

Alex was stunned. "Dad I-"

"I'm sorry for taking my anger out on you and being a shitty dad." his eyes meet Alex's, "And for yelling at you when you told us you were gay."

Alex felt terrible. He felt like he was the one who needed to apologize for making his dad upset, but he stayed quiet.

"I'm trying to understand it more. But I gotta be honest, I just don't. It's hard for me to wrap my head around why you would want to subject yourself to that behavior," he sighs, "but I'm going to keep trying."

"Does mom feel that way?"

"I don't want to put words in her mouth-"

"Does she?"

"Alex, we're trying. We were taught that homosexuality is a sin at a very young age, and it's hard to change our mentality, but we really want to, because we love you."

Alex had only ever heard those words on the tape he found of his dad holding him for the first time.

He wanted to cry, but his dad always said that men don't cry, so he held it in. Even though his dad wasn't crying either, Alex could tell he was sad and upset at himself.

"I get it. It's just frustrating, because Luke's parents welcomed him with open arms when he came out, and I just feel unlucky."

"Buddy-"

"No... it's okay. Really. If you're trying, then I forgive you." he forces a smile, "And I appreciate you, even if we haven't been in the best relationship for a while."

"What page are you on?" he asks, motioning to Alex's book. Alex can understand why he'd want to change the subject, he wasn't much of a sappy guy either.

"Oh uh, two-hundred-five." his hand was still wedged between the pages. He nodded awkwardly.

"Okay, well, good talk." he didn't look so scary anymore to Alex, and then he reached out his fist softly.

A peace treaty.

Alex smiled and connected their knuckles. He could get used to this.

"Alright, I'm gonna go and help your mother with dinner. Door open or closed?"

Alex couldn't believe what he was hearing, "Uh, closed."

When he left, Alex couldn't stop smiling. This was a dream he's had for a long ass time, and it was slowly coming true.

"Oh and one more thing," his dad stepped back in and tossed him something. It was his old walk man, "I want you to have it."

"Really?"

"Yeah, the cassettes are in the garage. Take whatever you want." and then he was gone again. He had to be dreaming. His fingers pinched the skin at his arm, but everything was still the way it was. Things were really starting to look up for him at home.

* * *

"And then he gave me this." he shows the walk man to Luke.

"Holy shit." Luke examines it, "Did he have any good cassettes?"

"Nah, just some stuff from the sixties, seventies, and eighties that were jazz and shit."

"When's your birthday again?"

Alex thinks he's serious at first, "Oh shut up, you know when it is."

"June the twenty-sixth?" Alex smiled at his amateur attempt to make him laugh, "I'll get you some Queen, ACDC, all that stuff."

Alex looks around his room, it's somehow become more messy than before. Dishes, water bottles, ice cream containers, and clothes were spread out all over the floor.

"Have you gotten out of bed at all?" he asks starting to pick things up.

"My parents helped be go to the bathroom and shower, but other than that, no."

"When was the last time you shaved?" Luke's face wasn't as smooth as it used to be, but he didn't really care anymore, because he could barely walk.

"Since before my surgery. My dad's been M.I.A during the day recently and my mom doesn't really know how to do it. I would, but I can't stand in front of the mirror long enough."

"I can." Alex offers, throwing Luke's trash away.

"No, it's fine, you don't have to," he rubs at his chin, "I kinda want to grow it out anyways."

"You're funny." he rounds up the dishes. "Seriously baby, it's been a week, you need to shave."

"That's not fair, you know I can't say no when you call me that."

"That's why I said it." he wraps an arm around Luke, helping him stand. He leads him out to the hall, his grandma noticing Luke struggling, so she helps at his other side. 

"We got it, gram." he practically pushes her away. Alex can't blame him, because it's been a week, and being escorted by one person is embarrassing on it's own, never mind two.

Alex sets him down on the seat of the toilet.

"Alex, I'm dizzy again." Luke gulps resting his head in his arms on the countertop. His gram watching them from the doorframe, making sure Luke is okay.

"Can you keep him sitting up? He needs water."

She takes his place as he rushes to Luke's room to try and find the water he was drinking. No such luck.

_Fuck._

He runs down the stairs and into the kitchen, passing Emily.

"Is he okay?" this was what he didn't want, to cause commotion.

"Yeah, he just needs some water." he reaches into the cabinet for a water bottle. Their fridge isn't the fastest at dispensing water, and it makes Alex anxious. "Does he always get dizzy when he stands up?"

"Yeah." Emily adds before Alex darts back up the stairs.

When he returns, Luke is sweaty, and he's having trouble catching his breath. At first glance, it would be easy to assume he's having a panic attack.

"Here." he hands the bottle to Luke, and he starts chugging it immediately, "Slow." Alex reminds him.

"Thanks Lex." he sets it down on the sink and wipes his mouth. Alex thinks about grabbing his hand, but then he's reminded that his gram is there by her shrill voice.

"Looks like you got it covered, I'll be downstairs." she turns down the hall.

He can see why Luke finds her annoying, but it's not his place to talk about Luke's family because it's really none of his business.

"Better?" Alex asks shutting the door. Luke nods. Alex pinches his jaw and presses their lips together lightly. "Okay, where is the shaving cream?"

Luke points under the sink.

"Right, I knew that." he smiles reaching below the sink. "You're going to have to keep your hair out of the way." he adds, pumping shaving cream on his palm.

"It's fine, let's just get this over with."

"Alright." Alex laughs spreading it on his face. He rinses his hands and bends down to get a razor. "This yours?" he pulls out a green one.

"Yeah."

"Stay still, I don't wanna hurt you." he puts on his focused face that Luke tries not to smile at, because Alex is too damn cute.

"Almost done." he's careful and gentle, trying to not cut Luke's face.

Alex runs the razor under water and wipes Luke's chin with a wet towel.

"I feel ugly." he sounds defeated.

"What did you just say?" Alex pauses not sure if he heard correctly.

"I feel so fucking ugly." his head presses against Alex's chest, "And it doesn't help that I'm too weak to do anything."

Alex sets the towel on the sink and runs his hands through Luke's hair, "Why would you even say that? Luke, you are literally the most beautiful boy I've ever seen."

"You haven't seen the stitches." he mumbles.

Alex knows that he shouldn't ask to see them, because when Luke feels ready, he'll show them. But right now, all he needs is affirmation.

"Trust me, you're not ugly." he settles on his knees. "Okay? You're not ugly."

"I just want everything to go back to normal. My body, my strength, my life. Everything." 

"It will. All of it. It just takes time." Luke grasps at his hands.

"I love you." his breath hitches. Alex can't think of a time where he's seen Luke cry, he's usually the one comforting other people.

"Baby, don't cry." Alex is getting choked up as well, but it's his turn to be strong for Luke.

Luke sits up, "It hurts to lean over." he sniffles, tears still streaming down his face.

Alex notices his arms look so much thinner than they had been in the past. Come to think of it, Luke often wore the sweatshirt he'd given him around Reggie and Bobby, and his muscle shirts had sat clean in his closet for so long. He even still had his hospital bracelet around his wrist. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his eyelids were droopy. But he was still adorable to Alex.

Alex looks at his watch, 8:45. They have a gig in fifteen minutes. He'll explain himself to the guys, because there's no way he's leaving for that now. 

He wipes the tears from Luke's cheeks, then places his hands back in Luke's. If he told him about the gig, he would say 'I'll be fine' and 'go', but maybe he didn't want to go anyways. Bobby and Reggie had girlfriends, they should know what it's like when they have to pick between them and the guys. But not only was Luke his boyfriend, but also his best friend. There was absolutely no competition.

"Can we go back to my room?"

"Yeah, of course. Let me fill your water first, and then we can go." he stands up, planting a kiss on Luke's hair. Luke rubs at Alex's wrist when he does it, and holds onto it until Alex physically has to let go.

Luke stares at the ceiling for a good minute until Alex returns.

"You ready?" the water sits deep in his pockets. When Luke stands up, Alex faces him to the mirror for a moment and points at it, "Look at my gorgeous boyfriend." Luke's arms lean on the countertop for as long as he can take before wrapping them around Alex's shoulders for help.

"I got you." Alex leads him back to his bedroom and sits him on his mattress, handing him water. "I'm thinking of getting sonic." he smiles.

Sonic was Luke's absolute favorite place to eat, and telling he probably hasn't eaten there in a while, Alex knew it was probably a good thing to use to help cheer him up. Alex liked it too of course, but he wouldn't pick it unless they were on a date.

"You don't have to." Luke blushes.

"Yes I do, let me do something for you for once." he pecks his lips at Luke's knuckles. "Please?"

"Fine." Luke giggles. He wouldn't be lying if he said Alex gave him butterflies. Even after months of dating, he manages to be nervous every time he and Alex are together.

"I'll be back." Alex smiles, kissing him.

* * *

While Alex was away, Luke throws and catches his Rubik's cube again, bored out of his mind.

His stomach muscles cramp, and he gasps, gripping at his side. His doctor said this would happen, but he thought maybe just this once, he would have a get out of jail free card.

"Shit!" he hisses. He wishes he wasn't alone, then Alex would hold him through it, but of course the universe is against him for some reason. _"f_ _uckfuckfuckfuck."_ he pants through the pain, arching back violently into his pillows. It hurts even worse when he touches it, so he just grabs Winnie (his bear) and hugs her so close to his chest until the pain goes away.

"I guess you will always be there for me, huh?" he's talking to the bear, sitting her on his chest. "I didn't mean to forget about you."

He thinks Winnie would say something like _It's okay, I kinda liked watching you grow up._

"Alex never had an imagination. He'd think I'm crazy for talking to a bear at sixteen."

_You are a bit crazy._

"I am not, everyone talks to their bears."

_Everyone except Alex?_

"Exactly."

_Why do you think he's so responsible? He used to be so fun._

"His dad kinda fucked-or messed him up," it felt wrong to swear when she's around, "he doesn't really trust anyone but me anymore."

_What about his baby sister?_

"She's not a baby anymore. She's fourteen. And Alex kinda scared her."

He hears Alex walk back through the door downstairs. He sets Winnie on his night stand, and pretends like he was fidgeting with the Rubik's cube the whole time.

"Hey." Alex greets him with a chaste kiss, helping him sit up. Right away, he knows something's up. He furrows his eyebrows in confusion at Luke, "What are you up to?" he starts reaching into the bag for food.

"Oh you know, just thinking of lyrics." that sounded so unnatural.

"Lyrics?" Alex hands him his burger.

"Yeah, just messing around with a song I've been thinking of." thankfully, Alex just lets it go. He stuffs his face, happy he can finally eat fearlessly again. Alex chuckles and takes a bite as well. It feels like they're having a picnic on the beach a little bit.

"Your grandma called me a strapping young man when I walked through the front door coming back."

"Did she?" Luke pretends to be surprised, but he's known her all his life, and it's not too out of character for her to say. Alex was Alex. Tall, strong, sexy. Of course, Alex himself was humbled and would never admit it to himself.

Oh well.

In other news, eating sonic again was like taking a trip to heaven, and his boyfriend was there too, so even better. The lamp in Luke's room was dim, and circles were spinning in his head, but it was a good thing.

Alex smiled seeing Luke so happy.

"Thanks for being in my corner even though I'm a bit of a pain." Luke thought Alex said his thoughts for a moment until he realized he was the one that said it.

"You're not a pain." Alex's voice is soft. "It's normal to be sad sometimes."

"Yeah, I know that. I just- I don't even know why I said that." he shuts himself up with another bite. He wasn't used to this whole date idea, because even though they were quite literally sitting in his room like they always do, this is a date, and he's not big on small talk.

"When you're stronger, I'll take you on a real date, and we'll go star gazing for real." Luke vaguely remembers laying on Alex's bed saying it felt like they were star gazing.

"You remembered?"

"Babe, I have no life, of course I remember." they both laughed.


	21. Chapter 20

Alex walked into the studio at their next rehearsal only to see Reggie and Bobby goofing around with a hacky sack. "What are you guys doing? We need to be ready for this Friday."

"This Friday? What about last Friday when you ditched us for god knows what?" Bobby catches the sack.

Alex had been so wrapped up in spending time with Luke that he forgot he bailed on them. "Look, I'm sorry, Luke needed my help."

"Luke always needs your help. What about us? What about when we needed you?" Bobby is stepping awfully close, "What about when they announced our name and we looked like fools?"

"Bobby, it's not my fault that I want to be there for him."

"Fine, then I'll skip practice to take care of my brother whenever I want."

"Fine. We don't need you."

"Guys this isn't what Luke would want." Reggie protests from the couch.

"I don't care what Luke wants." Bobby grabs his guitar and starts to storm out.

Alex just says the first thing that comes to mind, "Don't." Bobby turns around giving him one more chance, "I can't promise that I won't miss another gig, but I can promise to let you guys know when I will. I'm sorry."

"Alex, we all have our issues, but we somehow end up coming here everyday. Why can't _you?"_ an angry finger points in his direction.

"Bobby, that's enough." Reggie gets him to stand down. "He's going through a lot more than us right now, even if you don't want to admit it. Let's just work on 'Now or Never', that song always gets me pumped up."

Rehearsals sure aren't the same without Luke's enthusiastic words keeping the band in check, but somehow they push through without him and make some sort of progress. Bobby could barely keep up with Luke's complex guitar riffs, and it made Alex's jaw clench.

They work until they're sweaty and tired, collapsing onto the couch, downing water.

"I'm going to Luke's after this, anyone wanna come with?" Alex asks pouring a little bit of his water on his head to cool down.

Bobby crosses his legs, "Yeah, but I need to take a shower first. Can I meet you there?"

"No worries, I gotta take one too." Alex laughs, "Reggie?"

"Hm?'

"You coming to Luke's or what?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. I just have this thing with Amanda tonight."

"Well she can come too. And Janice." Alex knows Luke would be happy to see them as well.

"Okay, can I use your phone to call her then?"

"Yeah, just don't cuss because I don't know if my parents are around." they watch Reggie strut into the house like it's his. The other boys laugh because this has been an ongoing thing since Reggie was about ten.

"Don't you need to call Janice?" he asks Bobby.

"Oh why thank you for asking Alexander." he laughs reaching into his pocket, "I shall call Janice." he pulls out a flip phone.

"Is that yours?"

"I'm a drug dealer, not a thief. Of course it's mine. I bought it myself last week. I waited outside the cell phone store for two days waiting for this bad boy."

"I always thought drug dealers and thieves were the same thing."

"Ha ha." he taps on the keypad.

"What can it do?"

"It saves contacts so I don't have to look at the phonebook every five seconds, and you can text."

"You can text on that thing?"

"Yep. Just asked Janice if she wants to go to Luke's." he shows Alex the phone.

"Maybe I'll get a job so I can buy one." 

"If you can't be committed to a band, there's no way you'll be able to keep a job for more than a week."

"That's fair."

* * *

They all go home to take a quick shower. Alex decided the least he could do is pick them up and drive them all there. He called Emily just to make sure it's okay that everyone is coming over before hand, and she just seemed happy.

"Now remember what I told you, no bringing up surgery stuff." he turns to the rest of the people in his car. "Oh, and don't tell his grandma we're dating. She's homophobic and I really want her to like me."

"Alex bro, chill. We got this." Bobby always tries to make things so nonchalant, but this was a big deal. If anyone slips up, then there would be absolutely no way that his grandma would leave, and she's already overstaying her welcome as it is.

When Emily answers the door, she smiles and steps out of the way so that they can see Luke walking down the stairs by himself.

"Oh my god!" Alex scoops him up into a hug before realizing he should probably be more delicate.

"Yeah, not quite ready for the hugs." Luke cringes in pain, stabling himself on Alex's shoulder.

"Sorry." Alex frowns.

"Hi, I'm Emily." she introduces herself to Bobby and Reggie's girlfriends.

"I'm Amanda." she shakes her hand.

"I'm Janice." she does the same.

"I'm glad I can finally meet you both. Bobby and Reggie are like my sons so it's nice to finally meet you." she smiles.

Alex sits Luke down on the couch. His grandma comes down looking like she's about to go to an opera from the 60s.

"Alright, well, my mom and I made some plans to give you guys some time to hang out." Emily explains, "Bobby, no drinking while we're out."

"Yes ma'am." he solutes her.

"And Luke, take it easy sweetie."

"I will mom." he smiles.

"Alex is in charge." she throws the house keys to him. "Mitch should be home around eleven. Have fun."

And just like that, they watched her drive off. Immediately, Reggie starts digging through Luke's parents' extremely large collection of records.

"Reg, be careful with that. You know what happened last time." Luke warns leaning into Alex's side. Let's just say that Reggie was a little bit of a klutz when he was younger. He put his favorite record that they owned and reached for Amanda's hand. He twisted her under his arm and then brought her close as the music played. Bobby looked through Mitch's liquor cabinet and grabbed a glass. Alex thought about telling him to put it back, but they were having fun, and Bobby always did this.

"Grab me a glass." he calls to Bobby.

"Alex, no. That's some hard stuff." Luke looks up at him.

"I haven't had a drink in forever," he entrances Luke in a kiss, but he's still not convinced, "I'll be fine."

"You want ice?" Bobby asks.

"Nah."

"Luke, you want one?"

"I can't drink." it's sad, because he really wants to. Alex's lips meet his cheek.

"My bad, I forgot." he hands Alex a glass full of fireball. "You ever had that before?"

"My dad has some, I've had a taste." he chuckles clinking the glass against Bobby's before tilting it until it flows into his mouth. He kisses Luke with the substance still on his lips. "Good, right?"

"It's not really what you would drink, but it's okay I guess." he still looks concerned. "I mean, look at you, you look like a dad." Alex did kind of look like a dad. His hat was flipped forwards, like a dad. And his hand was wrapped around Luke like his dad held his mom.

"Fine." he flipped his hat backwards and his arm trailed lower to Luke's waist, "now I'm a frat boy."

Bobby sat at the other end of the couch with Janice, "Reg, put on something fun. I'm tired of listening to 'Careless Whisper'."

"Let him have his fun." Alex smiles taking another drink.

"Fine then," Bobby sets down his drink and drags Janice to the middle of the living room and starts dancing with her too. Luke twists the ring that Alex gave him waiting for the song to end so he and Alex can have fun too. He tried not to be too upset, because he wanted to dance with Alex, but he has to think on the bright side.

When Reggie finally does change the record, the mood changes. Alex taps his foot to the beat and sets the empty glass on the coffee table next to him. 

"I kinda like the backwards hat." Luke plays with the bill.

"Oh yeah?" his head dips down to Luke's face. They share a few quick kisses before Luke gives his best attempt to deepen it. Alex pulls away, "Not yet, okay? We just gotta focus on you getting better."

Time goes by until Alex's favorite song comes on. (I like to think it would have been Paranoid by Black Sabbath) It's embarrassing how little tolerance Alex's body has to alcohol because he is _drunk._ He stands up, jumping around with Bobby and Reggie, singing the lyrics at the top of his lungs. Luke laughs at him, because it's so Alex. The way he dances, the way he laughs, the way he unwinds when he's been drinking, it's all what Luke fell in love with. And so he watched him jump around for a full two minutes and fourty-eight seconds carefree and happy. Alex deserved happiness for all he's done for Luke.

"Baby, we _have_ to go see them in concert." Alex brushes his hair out of his face and repositions his hat.

"This is the only song you like from them." Luke reminds him.

"Right." he grabs his glass and refills it.

"After that, I'm cutting you off." Bobby says twisting the cap back on the bottle and putting it back into the cabinet. "Luke, good luck taking care of him in the morning."

* * *

Alex waits for Mitch to get home before leaving. He would spend the night, but Luke's body can't handle cuddling just yet, and Alex didn't want him to have to take care of him when he was hung over. 

"Where were you?" his mother asks barely paying attention to him.

"At Reggie's." he lies. His mom wouldn't appreciate him being out this late with Luke. She doesn't even answer before getting sucked back in to whatever is happening on the tv.

He would read, but that would fuck with his head more, so he just laid in the darkness until he heard the rest of his family go to bed as well.

His head flooded with thoughts, mainly about Luke. Kissing him, touching him, making him fall apart. It made him hard.

He looks to the clock, 2:30, there's no way anyone would interrupt him.

His underwear slide down his legs, cold air invading his skin.

He wraps a hand around himself, trying his best to imagine it's Luke's. He slowly works himself over, just like Luke has many a time before. His tongue remembers the taste of Luke's mouth from earlier, and his hand moves faster, chasing his orgasm.

He thought of the pretty noises Luke would make when he saw Alex's reaction to what he was doing to him, and the sight of his hand pumping up and down, twisting at the tip.

It felt amazing.

His hand covered his mouth, and his head fell back, because he was usually _loud_ _,_ especially now that Luke was involved. He could feel Luke's warm breath against his neck, and his hands touching his body, and the way his hand felt on Luke's cock.

His thumb rubbed at the head, just like Luke would do if he were jerking him off.

He didn't last long, coming on his hand as he pumped through it, mumbling moans into his hand trying to keep quiet.

He did this regularly now that he and Luke weren't exactly the most sexually active recently. He wasn't complaining though, because masturbating was as good as ever now that he had memories in the back of his head he liked to use when he was close. Even after ejaculation, he couldn't help but remember how pretty Luke looked with his mouth around his cock. If he weren't so desperate for sleep, he could go again if he wanted to, but time passes faster when you sleep, and seeing Luke again seemed better. His head was still keeping him from losing consciousness, but he tricked himself into falling asleep eventually.

* * *

He woke up sweaty with his boxers still at his ankles from last night, and dry come on his stomach.

_Note to self: never go to sleep right after jerking off._

He sighed, pulling his underwear up, bolting to the shower in the hallway before anyone could see what was on his stomach.

"Hey!" Madi bangs at the door after he locks it, "I called first shower last night!"

"Sorry Mads, I'll be quick." he turned the water on, stepping in before he gave it time to at least get warm. He shudders under the cold, reaching for his shampoo.

"Alex, I swear to god, you better be out in three minutes." he can see her standing outside the door. He washes himself as fast as he could before almost slipping when he climbed out. He wrapped a towel around his torso and brushed his teeth. He contemplated washing his face, but things were already rocky with Madi, so he stepped out of the bathroom, steam coursing through the halls.

"Put on a shirt please." she averts her eyes.

"Madi, my head is killing me, can you please just shut up." he rubs at his eyes, walking back to his bedroom. He wasn't usually crabby to her at all, but he felt like shit, and he was never going to drink that stuff ever again.

His mom loved to have Saturday breakfast now that everyone was "getting along". He hides his face the whole time, trying not to seem suspicious but he looked it anyways.

"Alex, what's wrong bud?" his dad of all people knows he's not acting himself, how convenient.

"I just feel sick." he drops his fork.

"Are you hung over?" his mom takes a closer examination to his face. Madi looks like she's enjoying this.

"No... I just feel like shi-crap."

"Alex, do not lie to me. You were out all night." she warns.

"I'm not. I don't drink. Luke and I-"

"You were with Luke? I thought you said you were with Reggie?"

"No, yeah, that's what I meant." he nods along.

"Madeline, go to your room. We need to talk to your brother." she sends her away.

"But mom-" she protests.

"Now." she waits to hear her daughter close her door before continuing, "Alex, we said we would try, but if you go out and drink with Luke, how are we supposed to trust you?"

"Mom, Luke can't drink remember? And I wasn't drinking, me and Reggie must have eaten something bad."

"So if I give Reggie's mom a call right now and ask her if Reggie is sick, she'll say yes?"

 _"Yes."_ Alex is sounding a little to defensive to be innocent, but he's not backing down now because his mom always threatened him, but never followed through.

"You," she begins in a controlling tone, "are grounded. No phone, no friends, no Luke, no nothing."

"Jan, honey, don't you think you're being a little hard on him." Alex looks over to his father. He internally rolls his eyes at his disgusting attempt to get him to like him, but he takes pity on him for even standing up for him at all. "I got drunk when I was a kid, so did you."

"Yes, but it's not him, it's Luke. Since when has he come home drunk before him?"

"Alex, what did you drink last night?" his dad asks calmly.

"Fireball."

"Okay, and who else was drinking?"

"No one, just me."

"Where did you get it?"

He's going to be in big trouble, but even though he wasn't the only one drinking in reality, he made his decision to drink, "I stole it from Mitch."

"Alex, what happened to you? You used to make your sister flower crowns in the park, and now you're stealing alcohol from your _boyfriend's_ parents." he didn't like her emphasis of boyfriend, but he was the one in trouble, and he didn't want to dig that hole deeper than it already was.

"I grew up." he answers. "Got yelled at for being a 'fag' too many times."

"That is no excuse." she seems repulsed by his answer.

"Why not, it's true. I'm always just gonna be the gay kid in everyone's eyes, including yours," he looks to his mom, "and yours." he looks to his dad.

"You are my son. That's never going to change. Ever. And you driving home drunk is serious. You could have died."

"You wouldn't have noticed." he scoffs.

"Alex, if you died, I don't know what I would do with myself. I'd be heartbroken for the rest of my life." he really wanted to believe it, but for some reason, he just didn't. He really did have the mentality that Luke was the only one he could trust entirely with everything. Now, if Luke said what she said, he'd believe it. But fighting about it would help, it would just make things worse. And plus, there was no chance he was dying anytime soon anyways, so why fight about it.

"Mom, I won't do it again," lies, "so can we please just be done with this conversation."

"Fine, but no going out this week."

"But-"

"You're lucky it's only that, now go to your room and get your sister so she can finish her breakfast."

He stomped up the stairs only to find Madi on the floor with a perfect view of the kitchen.

"That's what you get." she laughs at him.

"Screw off." he hopes she can hear him even though he's faced away from her.

"I hate you." she calls. The words burn into Alex's insides, but he knows she doesn't mean it, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little disclaimer... I think that Amanda looks like a Carolynn Shada bc that's his wife, and Janice looks like Jules LeBlanc. 
> 
> whoever came here from tiktok... hey.


	22. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *another sexual content warning*

Luke was doing much better by the next time Alex got to see him. He could walk most distances no problem, and he even started doing pushups here and there.

Alex wasn't in the best shape anymore, mentally. His mom used him as her personal assistant for just about everything under the sun. She doubled his chores, she made him drive Madi anywhere she wanted to go, and she didn't let him see his friends-or boyfriend-for the longest time, including when he turned seventeen.

Luckily, he convinced her that it wasn't Luke's fault and that he would never drink again until he was twenty-one. The first thing he did when he was ungrounded was drive to Luke's house.

He spent every waking minute there until his parents called for him to come home, Luke still not able to leave his house quite yet.

Between rehearsals and getting ready for junior year, Alex and Luke relished in numerous make out sessions that never really went anywhere. Luke was still hesitant to take off his shirt, and of course Alex didn't care about the sexual effects of it, but rather why Luke was so scared to show him his scars. Alex wouldn't judge, Luke had to know that.

"I have a surprise for you." Luke whispers, lips still against Alex's mouth, their hands tangled together on the bed below.

"I hope it's a dog." Alex laughs, the warmth of his boyfriend's lips leaving his own.

"Please don't be mad." Luke clenches his fists to his side.

"I thought it was a surprise?"

"It is, but either you love it or you hate it. Either way, don't get mad at me."

"I won't get mad." Alex is confused but goes along, "I promise."

Luke sighs and pulls down the elastic of his sweats showing his hip that had 'Alex' poorly written on it.

"That better be sharpie." Alex's eyes widen.

"Bobby needed to hide some things in my room for a while, and I found tattoo ink and a needle. I didn't think it would actually work."

"Why would he hide tattoo ink in your room?" 

"Because he knows my parents won't snoop. There's a bunch of other stuff in the drawer." he points to his bedside table. Alex opens it to find stacks of money, rolling paper, more tattoo ink, and condoms.

"You can't keep this shit here."

"Why not?"

"Because you'll do shit like _this."_ he motions his hand to Luke's hip.

"You said you wouldn't get mad." Luke pouts-his secret weapon.

"I'm not. I just a little shocked." he takes a deep breath, "Baby, you have a tattoo. Of my name. What will your parents say? What if they think I made you get it?"

"They won't know, because I'm never gonna tell them."

"I just don't know why you would do that in the first place. Your handwriting sucks and we live next to a beach."

"I was bored, and your name is the only thing I'd want permanently on my skin." 

"You're lucky I promised, because I really want to yell at you right now."

"Lex, calm down." Luke pushes him onto his back, climbing on top of him. "It's not that bad."

Alex wraps an arm around his torso, "It is kinda badass."

It's late, and he should go home before his parents start going haywire again, but he stays. Because how could he leave when Luke's soft lips are warm on his neck, and his hands are rubbing against his chest, and his hair smells like old spice? Short answer, he can't, because this is all he's been thinking about for months. Luke takes off Alex's shirt and throws it to the corner of his room with a smirk before he dips back down to his sensitive skin. Alex closes his eyes and allows himself to enjoy this, because he deserves the pleasure he's receiving. At least Luke sure thinks so, kissing Alex's lips with all the passion he has. Luke feels a hand tug at the hem of his shirt, and all of his confidence is shattered. He pulls away, starting to pace around the limited space that is his room.

 _"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry."_ Alex stutters, sitting up. He let his hormones get the best of him again. "Luke-" he reaches for him before his hands are being pushed away.

"It's stupid, I know. But I don't want you to see me for my scars, I want you to see me for me."

"Luke, I love you. All of you. No matter what. You think a little scar is going to scare me away?"

"Maybe. It's worse than what you're imagining." he sits back down, still on edge.

" _No._ Nothing could ever make me love you any less than I already do."

Alex can tell Luke is thinking long and hard about the next think he's going to say, "Okay, if I show you, you can't tell me how it looks at all, not even if you're trying to make me feel better."

Alex nods.

Luke really didn't want to show him. In all honesty, Alex wasn't ready to see. But he couldn't keep his body hidden from someone so important to him forever, so now was as good of a time as any to finally rip that band aid off. "Here goes nothing." Luke sighs, slowly pulling his shirt over his head. Alex tries not to cry because Luke wasn't kidding, there is a huge gash down the side of his stomach that has healed but it had to have hurt like a bitch. He sits there for what feels like eternity, not knowing what to do until he gently guides his hands to Luke's abdomen, holding him as his thumb caresses what he thinks is more of a beauty mark rather than a scar. He doesn't say anything, because he said he wouldn't, but somehow, he's all of a sudden doing all the right things because Luke doesn't push him away, but holds his arms in place. Luke wipes his tears off of his cheeks, "My parents gasped when they first saw it. I didn't want to make you cry." but he's failed, because now he's crying into Alex's shoulder, and Alex can't help but cry too.

"I would never make you feel like that." Alex manages, his thumb is ever so slightly dancing on Luke's rough skin where he had been operated on.

Luke looks at him like he's a hero. But then again, not all heroes wear capes, and that was most definitely the case. He noticed that Alex was making him feel like the hero, and not because of his scars or his surgery or any of his inconveniences, but because he loved him, and he found Luke when he wasn't in the best of places with his family. That was a hero if Alex has ever seen one.

Luke shudders when he feels Alex's kisses trail down his abdomen, and then back up to his mouth.

Luke parts his lips so that Alex's tongue can graze his own as they kiss. Alex's hands, his face, his lips, his everything is so surreal to Luke even though he knows he's had him for months, but now it's something else. A feeling he's never felt before. Not love, gratitude.

His hands cup Alex's face, feeling his eyelashes against his cheek, and his exhale against his nose. He can hear everything around him so clearly. The cars passing his house outside, the static of his alarm clock, the wet smack of their lips, Alex's heartbeat, and the creak of the mattress when they lean into each other.

Luke tries to pick up their pace.

"Mm mm." Alex objects, "Slow, baby. _Slow."_ he brushes his tongue against Luke's again. Alex's hand rubs at Luke's left hip, and he knows exactly what he's doing to him. It's a thank you/forgiveness for giving himself the tattoo. He knows he's forced to love it because it's apart of Luke forever now, and there is no part of Luke that Alex wouldn't kill himself for.

Luke is so lost in the moment he forgets that he was even worried about the scar. Alex lays him on his back, not daring to pull away for even a second. Luke's chest heaves at the close touch of Alex's body, warm and dominating. Alex braces himself on the bed, and holds onto Luke by the fold of his hip. His tears have dried and he doesn't even remember why he was crying, because Luke is _beautiful._ Scar or no scar he's so easily the _most beautiful_ thing on the planet. He's the guy your eyes will follow until he's out of sight, so happy and cheerful in a world of guilt and sorrow. Out of everyone in the world, Luke picked Alex. Surprisingly, it's humbling.

Alex sucks at Luke's jaw, the reward of his heavy breathing in his ear. Luke files his fingers through Alex's hair as he leaves love marks on his skin. Nothing should ever feel this good, because reality isn't supposed to feel ethereal, but somehow it does. Alex rubs his thumb against the marks, looking at Luke so candid and raw.

They pause there for a moment until Luke's emotions get the best of him, "Fuck me." he's so sure when he says it, because it's everything he's ever wanted. But he almost corrects himself and takes it back because those words would usually scare Alex to death, but instead, he nods and leans back down to Luke's lips.

This was really happening.

Luke works at the button on Alex's jeans. He never liked how resisting the fabric was against his fingers, but he was used to it by now. Alex leaves his jeans unbuttoned, pulling at the string of Luke's sweat pants and tugging them down with his underwear in one motion. He doesn't even know where they land on the carpet of Luke's room. His large hands circle Luke's stomach where he used to have abs. But that's the thing about Alex, he acts like he doesn't even notice.

"Do you have any lube?" he asks so sweetly.

"In my desk." Luke smiles. The cold air prickles at his skin when Alex's abandons him to retrieve what he needed. Luke's cock lays hard and leaking against his belly, waiting for Alex take care of him. His lips taste sweet from the Gatorade his boyfriend was drinking earlier. When Alex returns, he ducks back down to Luke's lips because he can't keep the magnetic pull of them away from his own. The sound of the cap opening fills Luke's ears, and it feels right. He's heard that cap open too many times to count, but Alex doing it feels special. He watches him pour the liquid on his fingers and circle his thumb into it with the same gentleness he used on his skin. Luke shivers when the coldness of Alex's slick fingers press against his hole.

"This okay?" Alex asks.

"Yeah." Luke chokes out.

Alex smiles, slowly pushing into Luke with one of his fingers. "You ever done this to yourself before?" he asks like it's just an average question. Luke shakes his head, running his hand up Alex's arm that wasn't currently occupied but leaning on his blanket. It made him smile.

"Have you?" Luke's eyes are glossy.

"A few times." his finger thrusts in and out. "Before you." it's hard to fathom that there was even a time that he wasn't in love with Luke. His muscles flex every time he pushes knuckle deep into Luke with his middle finger. He keeps a slow pace that he's used on himself back when he was experimenting.

He adds another finger, thirsty for the sounds he's heard from Luke before. The sounds he thought about while touching himself that pushed him over the edge too many times. 

Luke's head falls back against his pillows. He fists into his sheets trying to stay quiet so that his parents-and grandmother-aren't suspicious. This was the first time he's been with Alex like this and he wasn't going to screw it up even though he wants to show Alex exactly how this is making him feel. He exhales and closes his eyes, his head falling to the side.

Alex squeezes at Luke's bicep, his fingers not missing a beat. Drumming had it's perks. Luke gasps when Alex's fingers brush past his prostate. "Do that again." his voice sounds wrecked. Alex curls his fingers again making Luke's grip on his bedsheets tighten. He laughs and licks his lips spreading his fingers apart and going back to working him open. His muscles are getting tired, but the last thing he wants to do is hurt Luke. 

"Alex-" he can't seem to catch his breath.

"Yes love?"

"I'm ready."

Alex doesn't stop, "Are you sure? We don't have to go all the way."

"I'm sure." he does his signature Luke smirk and latches his hand to the waistband of Alex's unbuttoned jeans, "I want you."

Alex chuckles and removes his fingers. He tugs down the denim along with his boxers, kicking them to the floor. Luke pulls him down to his face, kissing him slow and gently licking into his mouth. Alex smiles and reaches over to the drawer next to them without pulling away. He grabs Bobby's box of condoms and rips one off the roll. He sits up, away from Luke and tears the packet with his teeth.

"Think it'll fit?" Luke asks turning on his lamp. Winnie is still sitting on the small table, facing them.

Alex checks the box, "It's a medium, I hope so." he pulls Luke away from his thoughts. "You okay?"

He sighs, "Yeah."

Alex forgets about the condom for a minute, kissing Luke and laying him back down.

Luke knows it's stupid, but he reaches over turning the bear away from them while Alex is otherwise occupied by his lips. He wasn't as innocent as he used to be, she didn't need to know that, even if she was somewhat a figment of his imagination.

Alex rolls the condom onto his dick, uncapping the lube again. He applies more to Luke's hole and strokes himself until he's slick.

He lines his cock up with Luke's entrance, pecking his lips, "Tell me if it's too much." he pushes his tip inside him. Luke's breath hitches and he clings to Alex. It hurts, but he tries his best to not let it show. Tears well in his eyes and he grips harder at Alex's shoulders when he goes farther. "You want me to stop?" Alex pauses.

"No," he pulls him closer, "keep going."

Alex brushes Luke's hair out of his face and kisses his forehead continuing to slide in slowly. "You're allowed to tell me to stop whenever you want." Alex is so sweet and kind even during sex, it makes Luke smile. When Alex is all the way in, he starts sliding out just as slow trying to make this just as enjoyable for Luke as it was already for him.

"I love you." Luke kisses Alex's collar bone.

"I love you too." Alex pushes back in, exhaling slowly with pleasure. He sets an excruciatingly slow pace waiting for Luke to tell him he can go faster. Luke's warm body heat radiates onto Alex's skin and his chest heaves with each long and drawn out roll of Alex's hips. His thighs rest beside Alex's and his fingernails dig into his back. "Feels good?"

"Yeah." Luke whispers. Alex speeds up, biting his lip. Luke lets out a quiet moan.

" _Shh._ Your parents will catch us." Alex's head drops against Luke's chest trying to stay silent himself. Luke scratching up and down his back somehow makes it feel even better.

Luke tries to distract his need to be loud with Alex's lips, reconnecting them whenever he would usually make noise if his parents were out of the house. Alex pulls away and dangles his head next to Luke's speeding up his thrusts. He grunts with every snap of his hips, the headboard dangerously close to hitting the wall.

Alex's cock finds his prostate, and suddenly Luke isn't so passionate about staying quiet, Luke gasps loudly, and clings to him. Alex chuckles and slowly grinds his hips into that spot over and over again, covering Luke's mouth with his hand to keep him quiet.

"Shit-" Alex can feel a pool start to build up in his lower abdomen when he starts another beat with his thrusts. He knows he's not going to last long, but he sure is going to try.

They can see Luke's parents walk by his room before the hall light turns off. Alex and Luke have a silent conversation, because maybe they went to bed early tonight. Alex doesn't slow down, but looks at Luke's alarm clock that reads, 10:31. It's early for them, but maybe it's been a long week? Doesn't matter. All Alex needs to focus on right now is giving Luke pleasure, which he seems to be excelling at currently.

"You gonna come?" his hands roam Luke's body. Luke arches up and grips at Alex's biceps for an answer. Alex stops completely, ripping Luke's orgasm away from him.

"Lex _please!"_ Luke pants.

"I want to keep seeing you like this." Alex kisses around Luke's face gently. "I never want this to end."

Luke grabs his hands, "Please?" He's still trying to catch his breath, because he's so hard, and it's starting to hurt.

Alex starts back up again, far from release himself, but still grunting like he's close because he's learned that the faces Luke makes during sex is somehow even more beautiful than when he's not feeling pleasure. He's scratching at Alex's back again and kissing his neck, hunting after the feeling of release that was stolen from him. 

Alex can hear Emily and Mitch talking in the other room faintly before the hall goes dead silent. He wasn't going to lie, the thought of being caught kind of turned him on, but walking on eggshells around Luke's parents was much better than getting caught and not being able to see him at all anymore.

His stomach ties in a knot, and he gives it to Luke harder and faster, checking for any sign of discomfort, but there is none. Luke is absolutely loving this, and Alex can tell he's trying his best not to _show_ him how good he's feeling to keep the peace between his parents and their slumber. The headboard ever so slightly taps against the wall, and Alex pulls it away while still rolling his hips in perfect rhythm. He's quite impressed with himself for that.

He slows down and wraps his arms underneath Luke's back, pressing their sweaty bodies together.

"Fuck- I'm gonna come." Luke hugs him closer. Alex didn't know how that was possible, because he hasn't even touched Luke's cock, but keeps thrusting into the spot that drives Luke crazy. He can feel himself getting close too. "I'm _coming."_ Luke's chest heaves. Alex lets go because he can't miss seeing this. He wraps his hand around Luke's cock to try and help, but before he even starts stroking, Luke is releasing all over himself.

"Good job baby, _fuck."_ he pumps his fist, more white covering Luke's chest. He chases after his own release, going at the fast pace they were at before. His hips stutter, and he comes into the condom with a low groan, thrusting through it until his orgasm comes to a roaring stop. He pulls out with a sigh, collapsing to Luke's side.

It hits him; he's not a virgin anymore. And neither is Luke. 

He pulls the condom off his softening cock and setting it beside them. He grabs a tissue and hands it to Luke with a warm smile. When he's all clean, Alex rests on his chest, worn out and ready to fall asleep.

Luke tucks Alex's hair out of his face and runs his hand up and down his arm. "Don't fall asleep on me, Mercer." he jokes, grabbing Alex's wrist and shaking it into his face to keep him awake.

"Leave me alone." Alex says tiredly, pulling his hand away from Luke, snuggling closer to him. 

"You were never the fun one at sleepovers." he pouts.

"I just rocked your world. Was that not enough for you?"

Luke pulls his covers over them, "Nope." he smiles kissing Alex's hair.

"Night." Alex shifts his body into Luke's.

"Goodnight baby." Luke feels like being extra nice.

* * *

Luke stirs awake, facing his door in the morning. He checks under the covers, still naked. He looks over his shoulder at Alex that is still fast asleep, still adorable.

"Alex," he tries to shake him awake, but he was never a morning person in the twelve years he's known him. "Alex, get up." he's more stern.

"What? I'm up, I'm up."

"My parents don't know you spent the night, and we have to throw away your condom."

"Shit. O-okay, I'm sure they won't mind. And the condom... how about we hide it for now and you can throw it away later tonight."

"You know I go to bed early. And it smells like pure sex. The whole room does."

"We could spray cologne around the room?"

"That's too suspicious." he stops to think, "Open my window, the smell will go away."

"Okay," he does as he's told, "and the condom?"

"I have some empty chip bags, we could hide it in one of them and pretend like we just stayed up late writing songs and eating."

"When did you get so smart?" Alex leans on his elbow, looking up at him.

"There's this amazing guy that I've been dating for a while. I guess you could say he tutored me in common sense."

"He sounds like a stud. Could I have his number?"

"I don't think he'd cheat on me, sorry."

"Oh well." he leans into Luke's lips noticing he's on edge. "Hey, it's okay. We're in this together."

"No regrets." and he definitely doesn't regret last night.

"No regrets." Alex pulls his lips down to his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yep... luke is the kind of dumbass to tattoo himself with his boyfriend's name. And we all know how that ends-
> 
> also... writing this made me scream every three seconds bc they are so goddamn cute


	23. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has a major trigger warning to people who might be suffering with depression and suicidal thoughts.
> 
> proceed with caution.

Alex and Luke spent the night in the loft of the garage frequently. Luke's parents didn't like entertaining them having sleepovers, and neither did Alex's. So they would tell their parents they were sleeping over at Reggie's and spend a relaxing evening in the loft, all cuddled up and warm. Luke especially liked it because he was out of the house more often that way. Being locked up all summer really takes a toll on you. 

So they lay on the mattress they hauled up there many years ago, trading kisses, and slowly grinding against each other for friction. Not quite enough for them to finish, but the pleasure was definitely there.

School was tomorrow, and this was their last chance to have a nice night before having to wake up as early as the sunrise.

"Let me take you somewhere." Alex pulls away, holding Luke's hands in between their beating chests.

"Where are we gonna go? It's already late." Luke checks his watch. When his grandmother left, she gave him his grandfather's watch as a parting gift, he was thankful, but he was even more thankful that he didn't have to hide his feelings for Alex in his own household anymore.

"I don't know, we could just go out. Get you some fresh air. How long has it been since you've been outside?"

"I walked here just an hour ago." he hopes that's enough.

"Nope. Put your shirt on, we're going into the city."

"Ugh fine." he lets go of Alex's hands. His muscles are looking a lot more broad, and he's getting a little more confident with wearing his muscle tees around the guys again. He's been at their latest rehearsals, mostly just sitting around and playing with some chords, but it's a start. "If I get too tired, you're carrying me."

"Deal." Alex makes an effort to fix his hair and tuck in his shirt. "Shit, my shoes are inside."

"So go and get them, I'm sure your parents are asleep by now." he can't stop looking at his watch, because it's beautiful. He's never had something so expensive on his wrist, or even in his house.

"Okay," Alex pecks his lips again, because how can he not? "I'll be back."

When Alex is gone, Luke looks around at the depressing design of the garage. They had such happy memories here, and it looked like a warehouse. He guesses that just goes to show how you don't need shiny things to make life great. And he definitely didn't have the most up-to-date things either. Of course he _wanted_ the phone Bobby had, Alex's shoes and chain, and Reggie's CD player, but his parents couldn't afford it, so he just didn't bother asking anymore. When he was young, he wouldn't stop asking for a guitar, so his parents saved up and bought it for his birthday. Looking back, he probably didn't deserve it for how much he bugged them for it, but it probably made them smile seeing him so elated about something other than pressuring his friends into doing dares that would get the four of them in trouble.

"Luke?" Alex half whispers, half shouts.

"Coming." he climbs down the short ladder and follows him to his car, taking one last look at the garage. Alex waits for him, unlocking his car from where he stood. Luke interlocks their fingers, swinging their hands as they walk. Before Alex has the chance to let go, Luke bites at his knuckle, giving him a suggestive look.

"No, you can't do that. We're gonna have fun. Real fun. Not just sitting in a corner making out like we always do." Alex laughs.

Luke shrugs, "I think it's fun."

"Whatever, get in." he softly opens the door on the driver's side. Luke follows, trying not to wake Alex's parents up. When Alex turns his keys, the speaker blasts the CD he was playing last. He rushes to turn it off, looking at Luke sheepishly before they both burst into laughter. Alex shakes his head smiling, putting the car in reverse, and looking behind them at the driveway to back out.

"How late are we staying out?" Luke asks, once again looking at the watch.

"However late we want to. I mean, our parents think we're sleeping so it doesn't really matter." Luke isn't used to Alex talking is such a proud manner, but it's kind of hot. "You wanna grab a soda at the gas station?"

"Don't know if by gastroparesis will agree with that." Luke relaxes into the head rest.

"What can you drink?"

"Water." Luke chuckles. "And I think I could handle lemonade."

"What? Like, Minute Maid?"

"Yeah?"

"Ew, no. Minute Maid is gross. Have you tried a little something called Hubert's lemonade?"

"Hubert? Who the fuck names their lemonade business Hubert?"

"People who make good lemonade." he turns into the gas station parking lot.

Luke props his foot on the seat, "Baby I don't really want lemonade right now." 

"Trust me, just wait here." Luke watches him run into the convenience store. His cheeks already hurt by how much he's smiling, and it's only the beginning of their not-date. They both agreed that they can classify this as just hanging out, because Luke always thought dates were just for people who were getting to know each other. So why call it a date when Alex knows him better than anyone else?

"Here." Alex hands him the glass. 

"Fancy." he uncaps the lid and clinks his with Alex's. He takes a sip, immediately puckering his lips at how sour it is, "Alex, that's gross."

The blonde laughs, "I know, I just wanted to see your face." he puts his in the cup holder.

"You're such an idiot." Luke shoves his shoulder. "I thought you were serious."

"That was the point." 

"Just drive." Luke flails his arm looking away, secretly smiling. Alex is still laughing, driving to a place he had in mind.

"Do you remember the pier? How your dad brought you there when you were young?" he looks away from the road at Luke for a second.

"Yeah."

"I wanna show you where my dad told me he used to bring my mom."

* * *

"Here?" Luke's hands tucked in his pockets.

"Yep." 

He had brought him to the tallest building in the city. Elevators make him nervous, so they took the stairs, climbing until there was just a door leading outside. Now, they stood on the roof, staring at the lights down below.

"It's beautiful." Luke steps up on the edge.

"Careful." Alex rubs his hands together for warmth.

"Yeah, yeah. I wonder how many people have-" his foot slips. Alex reaches for him, but Luke is already standing up again with a smile, "Kidding."

"Don't ever do that to me again." Alex places his hand over his racing heart, "Get down before you actually slip for real." Luke jumps down, grabbing Alex's hands that feel cold.

"Dance with me." Luke shakes Alex's arms and starts moving his feet.

"To what music?"

Luke scoffs, "We don't need music."

"I can't dance without music." Luke is still pulling his arms back and forth.

"Okay, then imagine 'I Want To Know What Love Is' is playing."

"I hate that song." Alex starts moving his arms along with Luke.

"I know." Luke gives the same smile Alex did earlier and spins him under his arm. "Looks like you've got moves, Mercer."

"My mom may have put me in ballroom dancing when I was young." Alex pulls Luke into him, and their faces are so close.

"Rich parents are weird." Luke jokes, stepping side to side with Alex.

"Yeah well, now I can do this." Alex steps out, still holding onto Luke's hand, spinning him into his chest before tripping him into a dip.

"Holy shit." Luke stands up, "Can your parents put me in dance class?"

"Yeah maybe, I'll talk to them about that." he nods along sarcastically with a big smile. Luke rests his cheek on Alex's shoulder, and he feels like he's in a movie again. But maybe in an alternate universe, they are. And people make movies about two teenage boys in a band that fall in love. At least he hopes so.

"Lex?" Luke is still moving his feet and pressed up against him.

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you really bring me up here?" it's highly unlikely that his dad, a person with barely any emotions, brought someone here for romance. It's beautiful of course, but the mood feels eerie and sad. Alex pulls away and hesitates. Luke's heart breaks for him, because talking about emotions wasn't easy for Alex, especially something serious.

"I used to come up here." he looks over to the edge, memories of looking down at passing cars flowing through his head. "I was fifteen, and I hated my own guts. I was going to-" he can't go on. Luke squeezes his bicep for support. "But then," he wipes his tears and lets out a happy laugh, "I remembered how _happy_ you made me. With your perfect teeth, and your Journey obsession that was short lived, and your _stupid_ air guitar."

"What are you saying?" it was hard for him to catch on at times.

"And you know, I looked at you and you had everyone wrapped around your finger, including me. And you just had so much love in your heart that you gave to everyone even though they didn't deserve it."

"Baby?" Luke rubs his thumbs on Alex's cheekbones. "What are you talking about?"

"You saved me, Luke." Alex looks him in the eyes. "You _saved_ me." Luke softens his eyes, and practically falls into Alex giving him a hug. They hold onto each other for dear life, afraid of losing each other if they let go. Luke's tears soak into Alex's sweatshirt, looking over to the edge and imagining Alex taking that last step. His mind was evil for that, and it kept replaying over and over again until he hid his eyes into Alex shoulder, genuinely scared that maybe he really did die, and he wasn't really there. But then Alex picks him up with his arms still wrapped around him and presses kisses to his face. "I'm okay Luke, I swear." he promises. He didn't even want to tell him in the first place, because it wasn't something he was proud of, and no one knew except for him and his conscience.

Luke cries into his shoulder, louder and more broken. How could he not see that his best friend at the time was in so much pain. He could have done so much more before Alex ended up on this very roof, making the decision in the first place. He could have said something, anything. Just being himself really wasn't enough when it comes to saving Alex's life, but somehow it did.

"Hey," Alex puts him down and wipes his tears, "I'm okay. Okay?" Luke nods and hugs him again. 

"Hold me and don't ever let me go." he manages between sobs. Alex hugs him back, shifting his weight from side to side, doing as he's asked and just embracing him until they physically have to let go and head back home.

Luke's face is still puffy on the way home and all through the night occasionally wiping a tear.

When Alex wakes up, Luke has a death grip on his sweat shirt.

"We don't have to go to school today if you don't want to." Alex scratches up and down Luke's arm softly.

"We probably should. I don't want to give my teachers another reason to hate me this year." Alex remembers last year. He had a lot of classes with Luke and for some reason the teachers collectively didn't like him. He didn't have any siblings to tarnish his reputation, but maybe they didn't like the way he dressed? But of course when he was diagnosed, they sweet talked him, and tried to act nice, it pissed Alex off more than he thinks it pissed Luke off. 

"Take it easy today." they had their first eventful day for a long time. Well, Luke anyway. He had school, and rehearsal and a gig (which Luke promised he would just watch). And Alex was worried if he could handle it or not.

"I will." Luke nestles his face into Alex's neck. His tears have dried, but he looks wrecked and tired.

"First day of junior year cunts!" Bobby and Reggie wait for them in the garage. "You two look like you just got hit by a bus."

"Gee thanks Bobby," Alex slings his arm over Luke's shoulder, "We just had a late night."

"Oh?" Reggie raises his eyebrows.

"No, not like that." he looks down at Luke and forces a smile. "We just stayed up late."

"Well, cheer up because we've gotta go." Bobby slings his backpack over his shoulder and heads to Alex's car.

"He's in a good mood." Luke is surprised. Bobby is usually the blunt and careless one. And he _definitely_ didn't care about school.

"Janice has been on vacation for a while." Reggie folds his arms over his chest, admiring the joy reflecting off of Bobby. Maybe Luke just needed to cheer up like Bobby said. Alex's story was sad, but he never went through, and that alone should automatically make him 10x happier.

* * *

At rehearsals, Luke just sat around jotting some lyrics and plucking at the strings on his guitar. It was boring, but he wanted to be there even if he wasn't playing. 

They worked on a song that Reggie wrote that was surprisingly good. Despite what Reggie thinks, country might not be his thing after all. He couldn't tell him that of course, because country music is the only thing Dawson left behind, and it makes Reggie happy when he listens to it.

While he waits, he messes around with some rainbow string Alex's mom bought for her sewing collection that she never used. He remembered how to make a simple bracelet, even though it ended up being really shitty by the time the band was done playing.

"You want this?" Luke asks Alex while he's still chugging water.

"Yeah." he wraps it around his wrist, "I'll never take it off."

"Alright, you don't have to be that sentimental. It's just a bracelet." 

"Yeah, but it's a bracelet _you_ made me."

"Does that make it special?"

"Hell yeah it does. And it's rainbow. It's like gay or something like that." he teases. Luke smiles and hugs him again.

"Can you two maybe make out somewhere else, we got a gig to get to." that was the Bobby they knew and loved. "Alex, you driving man?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in a second." he waves them off. Luke may have developed separation anxiety in a very short time, because he's not letting go. "Baby, we gotta go." Alex laughs, ruffling his hair. No such luck. "Luke, come on. We can cuddle later." he's not trying to be an asshole, but their set was almost up, and they haven't even left.

"Fine." he sighs and lets go. Alex squeezes his shoulders. His hands feel warm and his rings feel cold, but it's perfect. "You better play your heart out tonight."

"Will do." he interlaces their fingers and heads to the car. This was going to be a good night.


	24. Chapter 23

Alex woke up on Luke's birthday with the sweet memory of his mouth still on his lips. He wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s body and kisses his shoulder, coaxing him awake.

"Happy birthday." it's too early for Alex to be awake on a weekend, and his raspy voice fills Luke's ear.

They had made love again last night, still managing to stay quiet enough for Emily and Mitch not to notice, but definitely not as quiet as last time.

It was supposed to just be a kiss when the clock struck twelve, but one kiss turned to two, then three, and then somehow Alex was pushed onto Luke's bed, and things fell back into place where they left off last time.

Luke groans and pulls the covers over them both, "I'm tired."  he falls asleep once again with his hands tucked together in front of his face, and his lips slightly parted.

Alex had a mini victory in his head.

Any girl would die to see Luke like this, comfortable and peaceful and once again; beautiful. But Alex was the only person who has. He tries not to dwell on it too much, because it's not like it'll be gone any time soon, so he puts on his underwear and searches through his backpack for homework that was due Monday—and his glasses.

He didn't like wearing them around most people because he didn't like the way he looked with them on. Somehow, Luke thought it was cute.

Pre-Calculous was a drag. He couldn't get any work done in a regular setting, and now that Luke is sleeping next to him, it's even harder to concentrate. His eyes automatically want to fixate on Luke's facial features when he dreams, but he tries his best to get the work done in the peace and quiet before Luke goes back to his loud and charismatic self.

When Luke finally stirs awake an hour or two later. He's in a much better mood, greeting Alex with a kiss. "Why are you doing school on a weekend?" he stretches his arms up like he always does, Alex has come to notice. "Most importantly, why are you doing school on my birthday?"

"I wanted to finish my homework while you were sleeping so I could spend the rest of the weekend with you." he sets his glasses down by his books.

"What about Madi?"

He and Madi were birthday twins. Always have, always will. Alex was hoping he could avoid the question, looking at Luke with a disappointed frown.  "I don't even think she wants me there."

"You should go anyways. I mean, she's just wanting your attention."

"Yeah, but I want to be here with you."

"Too bad, I'm making you go later." he insists.

Alex thinks about it for a second before tilting his head back with a groan, "Fine. But if she says she hates me again, it's your fault." 

“She won’t.” Luke smiles and leans his head against Alex's chest, "Now get dressed and climb out the window so you can knock on my door." he pushes him away. Alex pulls him close again but Luke resists. "Lex I'm serious, my parents are gonna come in to wake me up any second."

"Alright, alright," he kisses behind Luke's ear and reaches for his clothes. “But was it good?”

"Was what good?”

“Last night.” Alex throws his shirt over his head.

“Is that something we say to each other now?”

"Just answer the question.”

Luke shrugs, “I’d go down on you right now if we had time.”

“Did I die and go to heaven?”

“Yes.” Luke shoves Alex's backpack to him when he finishes buttoning his jeans that he was so obviously wearing yesterday, but maybe Emily and Mitch weren't observant. “Now get out before we get caught."

Alex has breakfast with Luke's family like he's legitimately apart of it. He zones out when he realizes that he's not, and Emily notices.

"You okay sweetie?"

"Yeah. I'm just really happy to be here." he smiles. His birthday was uneventful and sad, he didn't even get to have any of _his_ birthday cake because he was grounded. So it felt like it was his belated birthday.

“Well, you’re always welcome here.” Mitch adds, “I haven’t seen Luke this happy for a long time.”

“Dad.” Luke warns. “Can we not talk about this?”

“Sorry.” he grabs Emily’s hand.

Luke just wants to forget about being sick. It isn’t who he is, and it sure isn’t who he wants to be for the rest of his life. He leans into Alex’s side before feeling arms wrap around his shoulders and kisses to his hair.

“So what’re you guys up to today?” Emily asks.

“Just hanging out until dinner. I told Alex he should probably go back to his house for Madi.”

“Oh that’s right. Is she having a party?”

“I wouldn’t know, she doesn’t tell me anything anymore. But I guess she’ll have a few friends over.” Alex's smile fades. He misses his sister that he was always so close to. Now she won’t even walk past him without rolling her eyes or bumping into his shoulder. But Luke insisted that if he kept trying to crawl his way back into her life, that she would ease up.

“I’m sorry about that honey.” Emily sympathizes. Maybe he is really apart of their family, because Mitch feels more like his dad than his dad, and Emily feels more like his mom than his mom.

He shrugs and takes another bite, “I’m used to it.”

‘Stop,’ Luke mouths to her. Alex’s face is blank, thinking about his relationships with his parents compared to Luke’s. He snaps out of it remembering where he is, somewhere where he can be himself rather than the character he’s developed for his family.

Alex didn’t tell Luke, but his parents were fully convinced that he had broken up with him, because that’s what he had told them. He reverted to being the normal, ordinary, straight Alex that his parents liked to brag to their church friends about. The Alex that dates girls and talks about sports. The Alex that isn’t in love with Luke.

He had to, there was no other option. Every step forward with his dad was three steps back with his mom, and the same vice versa.His parents loved Alexander Mercer, not Alex.

It made him sick to his stomach.

* * *

Alex and Luke found themselves cuddled up on the couch in the studio, trading gentle kisses, slowly getting back into the mood.

If Alex was going to be honest with himself, Luke wasn't the best kisser. He wasn't terrible, but he expected better from someone who took pride in how good they were at kissing. The sensation still made him hard, but strictly from love rather than technique.

Alex takes matters into his own hands, rubbing at the front of Luke's jeans and biting at his neck. He hears the familiar groan escape Luke's vocal chords.

"We don't have a condom." Luke sighs in ecstasy.

"We don't need one," he insists, trailing kisses to his jaw, "I'll do whatever you want."

Luke leans back into the couch, filing his fingers through Alex's hair, "Just keep going." he licks his lips, eyes rolling into the back of his head. Seventeen was treating him well so far.

When Alex starts sucking hard at his skin, he almost stops him worried that his parents would see what they were up to while they were gone, but this is how Alex shows love, and hiding the purple marks seemed easier than asking him to stop.

Alex tongues at the love marks when he's done with them before moving to another spot, hand still palming at Luke's erection.

"Fuck you bruise so easy," he pulls away, caressing Luke's tender skin, "You sure your parents won't notice?"

"No," he laughs, "but that doesn't mean you should stop."

"I'm sure your dad will kill me for this." 

"He won't. He loves you more than he loves me." Luke frowns.

"Don't say that," Alex tucks Luke's hair behind his ear, "They love you."

"Not like you do." Luke kisses at his palm that rests by his face, and then his lips. It's gotten dark outside, they must have been out here for hours, making up each other's company.

"I have to go." Alex whispers against his lips. He'd rather not go, but maybe Luke was right. Madi just had a tough exterior, and needed a little bit more time to revert back to her sweet self. It was Alex's fault after all that they were in a fight anyways, it's the least he could do.

"Stay." Luke giggles, kissing his lips again.

"You were the one that wanted me to go spend time with Madi."

"Oh yeah." Luke remembers, "But I want you to stay now."

"I'll be back in a few hours. Do you want me to walk you home?"

"Nah, I gotta work on a song anyways."

"Can I hear it?"

"Not right now. It's a little different than what we're used to. It's about love."

"All your recent songs are about love. I feel like somehow I'm responsible." he laughs.

"Yeah, but the fans don't know about us. This one is more head strong about my feelings for you."

"For me? I'm flattered." Alex places his hand on his heart, pouting and softening his eyes to make the joke.

"Whatever. Have fun." he playfully kicks Alex away. "I'll get you back for giving me blue balls later."

"Looking forward to it." Alex winks, closing the doors to the garage.

Luke spends the first five minutes working on said song, but being in a garage by yourself isn't as fun as it may seem. He grabs a water from their mini fridge, and sits on the bench of their keyboard. They really needed a grand piano in here to spice it up.

He binged on water, spinning on the chair behind Alex's drums and occasionally clanging his finger on the symbols. Eventually he sets his water down and tries to teach himself how to keep up a rhythm on them. He can see why Alex would like playing them, but he'll stick to guitar for now.

He decides to take a nap until Alex comes back. It's not like anything could have happened to him on the journey back, his house was less than a hundred feet away. 

He's back to having his abnormal dreams. He was expecting to have nightmares because it's been a while since he's slept without Alex's warmth above or below him, but surprisingly his dreams were quite happy. They were irregular, but that was normal for him.

He wakes up to Alex pacing around the room, shaking his hands, with tears running down his face. It took him a while to realize what's going on, still half asleep, tugging at Alex's clothes to come and cuddle with him until he sees his red and tearstained face.

"What happened?" Luke sits up giving Alex room to slot next to him.

"I told you I shouldn't have gone." 

"Alex, she's your little sister, of course she's going to be mean. Just give her time to-"

"No! Stop trying to give me advice about my sister! You don't know how it is!" he rests his wet face into his palms. "I was the first one to hold her. I was the one protecting her from the world when my dad was out doing god knows what. I love her. And I just want her to love me back."

"Baby, she does. She's just having a hard time forgiving and forgetting. I know how it is."

"You don't even know your sister." as soon as it came out of his mouth, he knew it was wrong.

"No, that's not what I was going to say asshole." Luke unwraps his hands from Alex's body, "I was going to say that I had a hard time forgiving my dad after he called me a faggot when I was young. He didn't know I liked guys, neither did I, but it still hurt. I should have never told you about my 'sister'." he uses finger quotes to get his point across. "But if I did get to meet her, I wouldn't have ruined it like you."

"Fuck you." Alex's face is still resting in his hands, tears still falling to the cold cement.

"Fuck you too." Luke didn't mean it, but if Alex is going to fight, he damn well is going to fight back. He sits silently, watching Alex collect himself and make his way over to his drums.

"Did you mess with my drums?" he rubs the smudges off with the cloth of his shirt.

"So what if I did?" Luke retorts crossing his arms, "Not like you'd care."

"Whatever." Alex just lets it go, because if Luke wants to act like a child and keep fighting, he'll be the bigger man. He sits down, trying to keep it together, and counts himself in. He plays softly, not putting any effort into hitting the drums hard until he remembers how long he has been trying to talk to Madi and be the son his parents want him to be. He hits the drums harder, relief in the loud sound erupting from them.

"Shut up!" Luke yells, determined to work on his song still even though his thoughts on Alex had changed since the last time he worked on it. But all couples fight, especially guys who have known each other since they were in grade school.

Alex doesn't care about being loud, his parents sound proofed the place so the only person he was bothering was Luke, and that was kind of the goal even though he promised himself he would be the responsible one.

"You have to listen to me on my birthday!" he shouts, but Alex just glares at him and keeps going.

"Maybe," Luke can barely hear him through the loud bang of his drums, "you should just go home for the night."

"I'd rather watch you throw a hissy fit like a toddler over a fight. I'm here to break it to you Alex. All. Couples. Fight."

"What?" Alex drums harder.

"I said-"

"What!" more force.

Luke is actually scared at how much power Alex is putting into beating on his drums. One wrong move and the sticks could-

"Fuck!" Alex winces.

... break.

Luke forgets about acting tough and rushes over to help him. He's grasping at his bloody hand, and the sticks drop to the floor.

"Agh!" blood drips onto the cement.

"Alex let me-"

"No." he's much more calm, "You've done enough."

Luke takes offence to the comment, he never meant to hurt him, they were just messing around. They were far from hating each other, they loved each other, they just had a disagreement and Luke never wanted it to end like this.

"I'll see you tomorrow at rehearsals." Luke sounds so discouraged. He doesn't even wait for Alex's response before leaving.

Meanwhile, Alex applies pressure to the wound with toilet paper he found under the sink, trying to make his hand stop bleeding. The sticks cut deep, deeper than he had thought, and now all he wants is for Luke to be here with him so he can apologize. But maybe everyone around them was right, and they did need to spend a little bit of time apart. Alex hasn't slept alone in weeks, much like Luke, and the tension was starting to build up anyways.

* * *

"Mom." Luke is teary eyed walking through the door.

"Shh, you're dad's asleep." she notices his despair, and the bruises on his jaw. "Did Alex hurt you?"

"No mom, how many times do I have to tell you he's not like that." he settles on the couch with her, "They're hickeys." he admits, not wanting her to investigate further on Alex's behavior around Luke, because no one ever knows what parents are thinking about their kid's significant others, and giving his mom a reason to suspect Alex made him sad at the thought.

"Why are you so sad?"

"He didn't hit me, but we got in a fight."

"Sweet heart, all teenagers get in fights with their boyfriends. I was starting to get worried that you two weren't going to have one soon."

"Why? I thought we were fine."

"When teenagers don't fight, or at least express some disagreement, that turns to lust. And lust turns to sex. You two aren't ready for that, you're only seventeen. You coming home with hickeys is enough to give me a heart attack, but I'll let it slide because your little heart is broken." she pouts sarcastically, but tears are still falling from Luke's face, "It gets better."

"What if it doesn't?" he mumbles into her shoulder ignoring the sex comment he really wants to laugh at but doesn't have the heart to at the moment.

"Well then that's his loss. Any guy," she lifts his chin until he's looking at her, "or girl would be lucky to date you."

"But I love him, and I don't want to fight."

"That's just what happens. Your dad and I used to fight about what we were going to do with such an active kid, but we made it work, and then we got married and here we are."

"So you're saying we're gonna get married?"

"No, silly. I'm saying to give him time." that's what he had said to Alex earlier. But maybe it was time to take his own advice. He didn't have to wait long until the phone rang in the kitchen, answering it with hopes that it was Alex.

"I'm sorry." it was him. "I was just upset about my sister and you were the only one in sight to take it out on."

"I'm sorry too." Luke leans against the wall, knowing that his mom is listening, but even with the invasion of privacy, he means it. He really, truly means it. "I love you." it's stupid that there are tears forming in his eyes.

"I love you too." he knows Alex is doing his signature sad lip bite that he always does when he cries. Luke stays on the line, enjoying just the thought that Alex is doing the same. He's probably ignoring his family, just to stand by the phone with the same knowledge about Luke being on the other end.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow." Alex's voice is soft. Softer than usual.

"Kay." he says sweetly, hanging up the phone. Alex knew that being sentimental over the phone wasn't one of his specialties, and this definitely wasn't an exception, but that seemed okay because he was sorry, and so was Luke.

Luke goes back over to cuddle with his mom, he really was starting to develop separation issues. He always needed someone holding him now, but his mom didn't seem to mind, she probably enjoyed it a tiny bit more than he did.

"Luke?" 

"Hm?"

"You're not- never mind."

"No, ask me. It's alright."

"You're not having sex? Right?"

"Of course not." lying was never one of his specialties either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long to write such an average chapter. I had school, and then I was out of town for the weekend, but hopefully this is good until the next time that I can sit down and write a long chapter again.
> 
> thank you for getting me to 9000 hits, it's so insane that that many people are clicking on my stuff. THANK YOU!!!!!!!


	25. Chapter 24

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm sorry, Alex?" his mom was not the best at apologizing for the big things. He was back in the closet, and he thought it would be much easier, but of course since the world hates him, it was much worse.

His mom wanted him to put himself out there at school more instead of wasting his time with the band. To "do something manly" as his father put it. But drumming was manly. Or so he thought. But in the weeks of trying to get closer with his parents, he's learned a lot.

1\. Men like football.

Alex didn't hate football.

2\. Men like working on cars with their dads.

Alex didn't hate that either.

3\. Men like women.

Alex hated that.

Why should he like women just because someone said so. He just doesn't. He's tried it before with Amanda, and it didn't work. Of course the story to his pops was a little different, and he told lie after lie about how hot she was, and the stuff he did to her. He made himself gag. So, he snagged a bottle of his dad's favorite whiskey and kept it underneath his bed. He only drank when he needed sympathy that no one else could give him. That wasn't a common occurrence, but at night when he heard his dad climb into bed in the early hours of the morning, he sits on his bed, and stares at nothing, until he remembers that he doesn't have to feel. He can just drink.

Drinking was manly. And he loved it. So he was much less of a "queer" than his parents thought.

Tonight was one of those nights. It seems like every night turned into one of those nights, but the feeling was all the same; nothingness. It felt good. So now, he reaches under his bed to get some relief. He uncaps the bottle slowly, trying not to wake Luke beside him. He smiles, and considers laying with him instead, but his body needs this right now, and his hands bring the bottle to his lips anyway.

Bobby had told him all about how natural and healthy it is to drink hard liquor. Alex believed him, because Bobby was a lot of things, but he wasn't a liar. And he gets extra points for being a vegetarian that didn't eat too much junk food either. He likes drinking with Bobby, but this was something he was going to keep from people. Even Luke, if he could help it.

Getting drunk is a lot like being in love, he's come to realize. He's felt both, and maybe love was much stronger, but that's why he gets drunk. Luke is the first person to call him out for his mistakes, because he loves him, but what happens to that love when they fight? Is it gone? Is it hidden? He doesn't have to worry about that when he drinks, because it makes him think of the good times rather than the awful ones, and it feels like he's constantly going up up up rather than trying to fix it with feelings that just make him go down down down. He hasn't been making much sense to anyone else lately, but it all made perfect sense to him. 

He tips the bottle back again, brushing his other hand through his snoring boyfriend's hair, on the verge of crying. Maybe if he drinks enough, he won't cry. And he's willing to find out. He very slowly stands up, immediately feeling very cold and empty inside. He takes another drink anyways, because what is there to lose? Reaching for his shirt, Luke grabs one of his pillows and hugs it close to his body, replacing Alex. That's the problem, he's so easily replaced. Drew replaced him with the popular kids. Reggie replaced him with Bobby. And now he's realizing that maybe his parents replaced him with Madi because he wasn't good enough. Everyone has demons, but it seemed that Alex had way too many to count. Did that make Luke his angel? He didn't have time to think it over.

He kisses his lover's forehead without thinking.

"Where are you going?" Luke asks, still half asleep.

Alex hides the bottle behind his back, "I just need to get some air." he hopes that there isn't too much alcohol on his breath, "go back to sleep."

Luke nods and yawns, resting back onto the mattress. Alex should not leave, but he does anyway. When he steps outside, he can see his breath in the cold. All he has on is a tee shirt and sweatpants, but he doesn't feel the cold, the alcohol is starting to take effect, making him warm and cozy. This is what he drinks for. This feeling right here. He feels free. The bottle finds it's way back to his lips, slowly walking down his street. He wishes he brought his walk man with him, finding himself singing a song that Luke was working on that he never showed the guys between sips. He doesn't want to drink the whole bottle tonight for future purposes, but he drinks _a lot_ of it. At least a third of what was there when he had stolen it in the first place. He laughs and fiddles with the cap in his pocket, feeling a rain drop on his shoulder.

He curses, and kicks at the rocks on the ground, thinking about turning back, but continuing. Soon, it starts to pour, getting his hair wet as a mop, his clothes soon following. Everyone else is asleep, and he can do whatever he wants.

He's always wanted to play in the rain when he was younger, but his parents, being the buzzkill that they are, never let him. But now, they couldn't tell him what to do even if they wanted to. He's lost all respect for them a long time ago, but he was still so scared of losing them. Maybe he was just looking for attention? Or a reason to believe they really did love him? But he can't think about that right now, because he's supposed to be happy. He caps the bottle, deciding he's drank enough for one night, already knowing that he'll be sick to his stomach before morning comes, but it's so worth it.

He takes a slow lap around the whole neighborhood, thinking about how he got himself into this mess. It started with a girl. But Alex knows who he is. He's gay. And his dad can try to change it, but it'll never happen for him. He wishes he was normal for a moment, but everyone who is worth something isn't normal, and maybe the band will get somewhere like Luke says, and he'll finally get to laugh in his dad's face about how ridiculous he was being to his son that was only in high school when he bullied him. That's right, his dad was a bully. Even more of a bully than Drew and the jocks that made fun of him for wearing pink. Regardless, he should be able to wear pink in his own house, but he can't. He can't even speak without his dad correcting him about how many times he says "like". But everyone says "like". It's not a gay thing, it's a teenager thing, and maybe his dad just needs to ease up on the name calling. He got what he wanted. A straight son. Why was he still complaining?

When he makes it back to his driveway, he just sits there in exhaustion, reminiscing in tonight's events, and taking one last celebratory sip. The rain has yet to stop, but he lays down on the pavement, feeling the water fall to his face. He wants another drink, but if he does, he is most definitely going to vomit. But he's so happy. And he's worried that this feeling will go away as soon as the sun comes up. Which he knows it always does. But that just gives him something to look forward to tomorrow night. And so on until the day he dies. Getting drunk is fun, and he wants to do it forever.

He's soaked when he finds himself back in the safety of his room. Luke is still sound asleep, and the effects of the alcohol are starting to make his body feel weak and tired. He throws his clothes to the floor, and changes his underwear to be dry before walking down the hallway to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He had already placed the bottle back in it's hiding spot, and this was the last step in keeping his embarrassing secret. No other kids that he knew had this problem. Bobby smokes, but he said he could stop if he wanted to, Alex doesn't know if that's the case for him, and if it was so easy for him to lie, Bobby could very easily just have said it to brush him off his shoulder. Brush off the Alex that worried. That Alex seems like a real prick.

He climbs back into bed with Luke, smothering him with kisses. It's well past four, and he should let him sleep, but he just wants to feel loved. Luke groans, stretching his legs out. "How long have you been out?" he mumbles, turning to face Alex. 

"About an hour."

"Your hair is wet." he smiles and plays with it, "Did you take a shower?"

"Yeah." he lies because he doesn't want him to worry. The glint in Luke's eye is so recognizable even in the darkness, and he so doesn't deserve it.

"You okay?"

Now Alex feels shitty for waking him up. "Yeah." he peppers a kiss to Luke's mouth, surprised he's awake enough to kiss back, "Just tired." it wasn't true before, but his eyes were starting to get heavy. 

"I want to start playing again." Luke nestles into the crook of Alex's neck.

"I know." Alex kisses his hair. "But give yourself time to heal." he doesn't just mean his body. He's been through a lot, and big crowds might not be as fun as they used to be.

Luke understands.

* * *

Alex feels terrible in the morning. He's heard of alcohol poisoning, but it didn't seem worse than a stomach ache until he started actually experiencing it for the first time this morning. He woke up feeling nauseous, maneuvering around his room as quietly as possible, and then crouching in front of the toilet with physical tears coming out of his eyes. His head is spinning, and his muscles feel sore. He just wants to throw up, because maybe it'll make him feel better, but his body won't let him, so he just rests his face on his arms, groaning and breathing heavily.

Madi bangs on the door after a few minutes, "Alex, come on. You've been in there for forever." He could have overdosed, but of course Madi only cares about herself. 

"Go away." his voice is weak and somewhat wrecked.

"Mom is going to flip when I tell her you're having a hangover again." she assumes, and it makes Alex's eyebrows furrow that drinking is the first thing she thinks of when he gets sick. It's the truth, but he never wanted this to effect her.

"Don't tell her." he pleads.

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Siblings don't do that to each other." he coughs, "I didn't tell on you when you had detention, or when you snuck a boy in, or when you broke dad's stupid figurines." he had taken the beat down for that last one.

She doesn't say anything, and he thinks maybe he's finally getting to her.

"Please." it's more desperate.

"Fine." she doesn't want to seem too sentimental, but he knows she means well. "But are you okay?"

"No." he groans, reaching for the lock on the door. He needs help, and if it's hers, he doesn't mind so much anymore.

"Where's Luke?" she bends down next to him, placing a comforting hand on his back.

"Asleep." he tucks is face back into his arm, feeling so light headed. "You can't tell him either."

"Alex!" she has the right to be angry with that, "You can't lie to Luke."

He knows she's right, but admitting to Luke that he's been drunk every night for the past two weeks was not the right way to go. It started after their fight, and telling Luke that he couldn't stop, would break him. 

"I'm gonna go get you some water." she squeezes at the back of his neck.

Before she can leave, his shaky hand grabs hers, "Stay with me." there are dark circles under his eyes, and tears welling in them when he looks up to her. "Please Mads?"

Seeing him like this hurts.

He grabs her hand and keeps pleading like he's about to die, and to him, it feels like he might. Her lip quivers, and she tries not to cry, but she feels so bad for treating him so poorly lately. She knows that if she never said the things she had said, he probably wouldn't be in such a tough spot.

"I love you, you know?" his voice is so soft and gentle. She nods, still trying to keep it together, taking a long, deep, hitched breath and wiping the tears under her eyes before bending down to him again. After all, she did still want to be a nurse, and not helping her brother when he needed it would be pretty shitty even if that weren't the case.

"What are we gonna do about mom and dad?" she asks. He likes that they are a form of "we" again, but he has no time to answer, feeling a wave of nausea crash over him again. He surges forward, the alcohol finally flushing out of his body. Madi brushes her hands up and down his arms, trying to be what he needs, because she knows he's in a lot of pain. She's so caring when she wants to be. "You okay?"

He nods and wipes his mouth with the back of his wrist, "I thought you hated me."

"I don't hate you Alex, but it really did scare me what you did to dad."

"I am so sorry Mads." he leans against the wall, "And if I could take it back, I would. But I can't. And I will never stop trying to make up for it, because whoever did that, wasn't me. It was some angry and hurt person who I don't want to be, _ever."_

"Alex, you never used to get drunk like this. You never came home in a bad mood. You were happy-"

"No I wasn't. I was pretending like everything was okay when really, things were the worst they had ever been. I haven't had a panic attack in months. Luke and I are really serious about our relationship. Mom and dad started talking to me again."

"Because they think you're straight."

"It's not about that Madi." 

"Then why do you drink?"

He thinks about it, but the answer is clear, "Because it feels good." he starts, "That's why it's addicting, because it feels fucking good."

"Throwing up and having a raging head ache feels good? What the fuck Alex? You just fucking threw up and now you're telling me how good it feels."

"So you clearly have never been drunk."

"No." she goes back to speaking to him sternly, "No I haven't. Because I'm fourteen and I'm not ready for that shit. I know I'm young, but take my advice. You're going to try to numb everything with booze, and it's going to feel so _fucking_ good, until it doesn't, and you end up choking on your own vomit in an alleyway. Nobody ever thinks it'll happen to them, until it does, and you'll leave Luke here crying and wondering what he did to make you go so insane that you would even subject yourself to that, because like you said, it's not you, it's a completely different person. I know that. He knows that. Even fucking _Mom_ knows it. My friend's dad just wound up dead because he was being an idiot. Don't make the same mistake."

Alex is taken aback because she is so right. But he promised himself that he would be careful, and he knows addiction can't be stopped with the snap of a finger. He doesn't want to admit that he's addicted, but it's pretty obvious that he's getting there fast.

"Do you really want to end up like dad?"

No. He doesn't.

She can see the answer on his face, "So stop. Because I would miss you. All of us would. I don't know how I'd get through anything without you."

"I'll try." that's the best he can do. He'll try.

"Where is your stash?" 

"I drank it all." he's already back to lying and it's only been a few seconds. He wants to prove it to himself that he can stop without help, which is a bad idea, but needing his baby sister's help was even more pathetic.

"Alex, I really think you should tell Luke." she stands up and reaches out a hand. He takes it, and it takes all of her willpower, but she helps him up.

"I don't think he's ready for that kind of news." his hands tuck into his sweatpants, looking down at his feet, not really knowing what else to say. Maybe a thank you? The words won't form in his mouth even though he wants to so bad. She has the same idea, letting her guard down, wrapping her arms around his torso in a hug. He doesn't really know what is happening at first, but when he realizes she's making peace, he does the same.

He's missed this so much.

He brushes his teeth, and heads back to his room without his parents noticing that he had gotten sick again this morning and that Luke had spent the night. They had thrown out the whole "spending the night in the garage" thing, because as time went on, it got easier to sneak each other past their parents. Alex's parents trusted him more, and they checked on him much less than when they knew they were dating. Same with Luke's parents, even though they were fully aware of their sex life thanks to Luke's terrible acting. Thankfully, they were understanding after a long lecture and discussion with their son about how to use protection and be safe, and he promised never to come home with hickeys ever again, which was yet another lie, he was just going to make better effort to hide them like he had done the first time.

Somehow, Luke is still sound asleep after all the commotion with him coming and going throughout the night. Alex is feeling much better now that he's gotten the alcohol out of his system, and in a much better mood too.

"Morning." he climbs over him to his side of the bed. Alex always took the left, even when they were just "friends".

"What time is it?" Luke mumbles, not making effort to even move.

"Ten-thirty." Alex wraps his arms around Luke's soft and warm skin.

"Five more minutes." Luke complains, pulling the covers over his shoulder.

"Why are you so tired? I thought you were a morning person?"

"You woke me up at least three times."

"Right. Sorry about that."

"It's fine." he cracks his knuckles, and then arches his back until he can hear a pop. "I'm up now." he collapses back against the bed.

"You are ridiculous."

"What are you talking about? That's how I've woken up since we were seven and now you have something to say about it?" Luke has developed a new love for sarcasm.

"Yep. I just love being so judgmental." Alex shrugs with a smile.

"You really do." Luke strings his lips into his own little smile, shaking his head.

Alex feels like he can really go a while without the temptation to drink. But it's only morning, and there's plenty of time for things to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex's room is Julie's room with grey walls, and his bed is on the opposite wall of hers (where her dresser is). That is completely random but that's just been the way I've been seeing it.


End file.
